Thoughts from a Ghost and a Psychic Sponge on the anniversary of his death

Ah, ghost sickness. Fun--NOT!!!

When certain very traumatic events take place, they leave a psychic imprint. My co-author committed suicide on April 8 1991. Since meeting him in August of 1995, I have experienced varying degrees of ghost sickness when this date approaches. This year it has taken the form of high anxiety. In 2006 on this date I literally thought I was going to die. I vomited rather violently a couple of times and felt dreadfully dizzy. Last year wasn't bad because we focused our energies elsewhere by sending the book in for publication on this dread date. No book this year, so, oh fuck, here we go again. It isn't as bad as it was in 2006 but I am still not having a great time. A few days ago I had a panic attack so severe that I was afraid I might have to go to the ER. I am not sure how much of this was triggered by the opening of these particular energies.

I wish to impart that neither my co-author nor any other spirit is trapped in a psychic tape loop reliving an incident such as this repeatedly. He tells me that he in fact has never been back to the location in which it took place. Following the initial traumatic incident he returned to the location for a couple of weeks (in part, he says, to engage in a modicum of poltergeist activity against his former not very beloved roommate) but realized fairly quickly that doing so was not in any way useful and so resolved to never return to that place. The energy of the incident, however, will remain until such time as the difficulties that drove him to the act are healed. And this can take a very long time. Sometimes a person will even encounter an incident of trauma from a past life. The traumatic fallout from this incident could be around long after my co-author has reincarnated. If he were to return to this place in a future life he would experience a great deal of discomfort and might in essence "meet himself" although nothing of his personality actually remains there, only the energies from the very strong emotional state surrounding his death.

The place where the incident happened is not a good one. The energies there are very negative, and were before this incident. It is a gateway to the lower astral. Anyone who is very sensitive to energies AND prone to depression (someone like my co-author) should avoid such a place. He in fact had friends who told him that the place wasn't healthy and he should move away from it. Sadly, his mindset and circumstances were such that he did not take action in this regard. While there are many things which contributed to his unfortunate decision to take his own life, the energies in the place where he was living did not help. Lower astral beings thrive on energies of misery and depression and found someone like him (a troubled person who is also a psychic sensitive) an easy target.

The memories and emotions of relatives come into play as well on the anniversary of an untimely death of this nature, as does the remorse of the spirit themselves. While he has a greater understanding of his psyche than he did at the time he took his life, he still has issues that he is dealing with and he feels a great deal of remorse for bringing pain upon others. Although my co-author had something of a notorious image, he has apologized profusely to me every time sensing the energies surrounding this date cause me distress. It isn't his fault that I'm a psychic sponge and he wouldn't be able to talk to me so readily if I weren't. But there is still a lot of work to be done.

My friend jokes that he's not sure if his musical tastes have evolved or mutated in the years since his demise, but he has developed a strong liking for the blues and for music with tones such as are found in Celtic and Australian aboriginal music. The didgeridoo actually vibrates at the same level as a discarnate spirit, so most human spirits find it pleasant.

We were listening to this song the other night and he said that he liked it and asked if I would include it if I made a collection of songs for him like I did last year. Of course I will, and I'll put it here too.

In spite of the annual psychic hell, I'm very glad I met this friend (although sometimes it sucks that he's invisible to me) and I hope we'll be able to create many more things together. He helps make my life bearable. I've never exactly been a ray of sunshine myself.

Robin Trower plays Bridge of Sighs

For my dear friend and co-author

January 16, 1969-April 8, 1991

I know you're restless, but may you find peace and comfort and know that you have friends here.

My co author wants to leave a note so anything after this point is quoted verbatim from him.

Note from the spooky bastard:

Thank you, I appreciate it. What I like about this song is it is soothing, like being rocked on an ocean. Unlike some people this does not make me throw up--Lily.

Also it helps if you do not have to drink water, not so fun to be in the middle of the ocean with only salt water to drink, then you may join me sooner than you think.

Also with the song, hell of great guitar work. Everybody fantasizes of playing guitar but I never could, my fingers tied into knots when I try so this does not work too well.

Thank you for putting up with me. This year is better than the past. So no more of this anxiety shit. I would not like to have to hurt you!

Only kidding. We must say for those that insists to take everything literal.

If you read this we wish to you to remember to keep an open mind as a consipation in the head is not very pleasant and causes your thoughts to be shit. Also, keep guns away from your head especially if depressed. If you do what you may be thinking of you cannot take it back and believe me even I wished I could, even as fucking miserable as I was in that moment. There is no rewind, no take back, no re-play. I have much I wish to impart but cannot of my own accord do so any longer. While I enjoy and appreciate my partnership with my living friend, it would be much more fun if we could also look at each other. Not to give you some sickening sweet tommorow is another day crap but if you are thinking to do it think twice and think again. Not false hope only reality.

Good wishes to you and also positive energies.

Yes, this from me. If you do not care for such things, the problem is not mine. But for those which accept, the offer stands.

"Spooky"

Healer of Souls

The deity of the day was Tawert, who is an Egyptian goddess. She is a deity of transition, both a helper of mothers and a healer of souls. Her basic appearance is that of a pregnant hippopotamus with a crocodile tail. She is called upon both to help bring new life into the world and to guide the souls of those who have entered the spirit world. So I called upon her both to protect and guide my son as he enters adulthood and goes to live on his own, to help me deal with this transition because I'm not dealing with it very well, and to help guide and heal my co-author, who committed suicide 17 years ago tomorrow.

Since we are on the subject of Egyptian death rites, here is an interesting page regarding ancient Egyptian funerary items and practices.

Ostara Invocation

I found this beautiful poem/invocation for the Goddess Ostara on this page.

Ostara Invocation

rising waxing
morning’s redness
an egg in the palm
a seed in the soil

waxing, rising
thrusting, lusting
hare of dusk and
dawning’s robin

a bloom springing forth
the down of willow
blooming, singing
rutting, springing

sap flows sweet
the birds are waking
waking, knowing
stretching, growing

Ostara, i can hear your footsteps
in sparrow song
in robin trill

Ostara, i can see your tresses
in scarlet maples
the daffodil

girl of gold and
morning’s redness
blooming, singing
rutting, springing

sap flows sweet
the songbirds waking
waking, knowing
stretching, growing

the egg in the palm
a seed in the soil

—Jenne Micale

Ostara is a goddess of fertility whose festival is held on the Spring Equinox.

As I was wanting to do work for healing my heart today and to bring good fortune to my writing project, I find Ostara to have been a fortuitous choice for the deity of the day. Fertility does not always mean reproduction. It also encompasses anything for which there is a birth process, and this includes creative works and even the growth of crops or the birth of a business.

I (and my co-author) have been feeling sad over the lack of interest in our creation, but we will continue to create, as we enjoy working together. Also, we both need a lot of healing and feel we can support each other. So we will continue our work, both creative and spiritual.

Blessings to any who may see this. I hope it helps you in some way.
Lily

The Lesson of Zeus

Trying to do too much spell work on a given night was really doing me in. I slated myself for an hour each night and to do as many spells or invocations as fit the number of the day. Thus on today, Monday, I would do nine. This actually negated the power of the spell. When I found the widget for the deity of the day, I decided that as a polytheist, I should focus upon the deity of the day as well as the properties of the day.

Some days this ends up being a time to invoke and chat with a deity for a while. Every little bit of positive energy is a blessing. But sometimes great gifts are bestowed. The deity of the day is Zeus. I looked up an invocation for him and did not specifically find one. I did, however, find a fine educational page on the various aspects of Zeus.

I felt that as Monday is governed by the moon and the moon governs aspects such as purification and clearing, and Zeus is a multifaceted deity, I would call upon him to help me make positive changes. There is a spell for getting away from a bad environmental situation in the book Tarot Spells by Janina Renee, and this is what I chose. The bad environment being entrapment in chronic debt, being a wage slave and the wage is never enough, feeling old, run-down, tired and hopeless. This is all shit. So I asked Father Zeus for his blessing and assistance and I began the spell work.

When a very clear vision comes of a deity, this is a very positive sign. I saw in my mind's eye Father Zeus riding in a chariot over the sea towards the shore on which I was standing in my vision. The sky was blue but with some clouds and it was a windy day, though there was no storm as such. He approached me and I knew he approved of my request and granted me blessing. I spoke to him of the things I wanted to change and asked his blessings and protection for myself and my loved ones.

One of the gifts he gave me had to do with breathing to clear the chakras, and picturing the sephira on the Tree of Life as I did so. You breathe deeply according to the number of the day, which for Monday is nine times. This method is the one I learned. If you are more comfortable with other names and colors for the chakras, use your own.

First breathe into the crown Chakra, above the head. This chakra is pure white energy. Next the brow, which has a violet hue. Then the third eye, which is indigo. Envision a blue light energy for the throat. Following this I envision the Thymus chakra which is attuned to Daath. This is between the throat and the heart, and the energy is clear. Next is the heart, the energy of which is green, followed by the solar plexus, which is golden yellow. The energy then flows down to the spleen chakra, which is actually situated in the navel area. Following this is the root chakra, which is at the base of the spine and also encompasses the reproductive organs.

In my method, the energy then flows to another chakra at the level of the knees. The color is difficult to describe, being the color of night itself. This is not an opaque black, but a clear black with highlights of silver and gold, like the moon and stars. Although I am breathing to this area, in my mind I am seeing the wonderful dwellers of the moon-sphere, humanoids with birdlike heads holding staffs. These are the guardians of the gate between worlds. They may seem fearsome but are actually benevolent, ready to guide those who approach them with pure intent. Finally, breathe into the foot chakra, which is a swirling mass of all the colors of the rainbow.

While doing this exercise, focus the energy given to you by the deity whose blessing you have asked down through each chakra, so as to bring the energy for your spell/petition from the Heavens to the Earth sphere Malkuth, which in the human body is represented by the foot chakra.

Finally, lift the energy from the foot chakra and send it back in an arc on either side of your body to the crown (Kundalini) chakra above your head, from the crown to the feet, in a continuous stream of pure white energy. This establishes as above so below.

This essay was written while in a spontaneous trance induced while participating in the spell work blessed by Zeus. I am not inclined to edit such spontaneous work, although later when my consciusness is integrated fully once again into the physical world, I may clarify certain aspects of the essay.

Blessed be,

Lily

The Cheesemeister's Drive-By Philosophy

This is a lazy post. It's actually just a duplicate of a comment on Mago's blog. But I found it relevant to post here.

Sometimes on a logical level I start thinking that everything I believe in is stupid. But my life becomes bleaker when I think that way. Questioning should help a person grow, not stagnate them. And sometimes those looking only for purely "logical" explanations delude themselves just as much as those who insist that everything happens for a divine reason.

Friendly Spirits

Steve Irwin's presence is still felt by family, friends and visitors at Australia's zoo. There aren't any reports of telekinetic incidents, i.e. objects being moved or knockings or anything of that nature, just a friendly presence. This is often the case with spirits. A person will feel a presence rather than having a bunch of phenomena happen. And while Steve was the sort of guy given to playing pranks, I believe that at this point he'd rather just let people know that he's still around. He knows how hurt his family and friends were by his death and he doesn't want to upset them. So he gives a psychic hug and a hello.

My spectral co-author often hugs me around the shoulders and I feel a very nice warmth. Which is especially pleasant, given the problems I have with my joints and muscles. He also musses my hair sometimes, but didn't do this at first because he didn't want to frighten me. Sometimes when he has something he really wants to say I'll feel tingling in the "third eye" area or in one of my thumbs.

A friendly spirit will never deliberately frighten someone unless it's someone they deem deserving, i.e. someone who hurts others. I've also encountered the other kind of spirit, as well as demons. But that's a story for another time.

Spiritual Conduits, Circuits and Doors: Contacting Negative Spirits

People who have the ability to do so have long been able to sense emotions from photographs, especially if the subject in the photograph was feeling a particularly strong emotion. I've always made up stories by using photographs. Most of my stories are inspired by pictures of real people, although it is often the attitude of the person rather than their physical appearance that inspires the creation of a character. Once I'm done enhancing the character the traits that originally inspired me are more subtle, now blending in with fictional characteristics. However I have discovered more than once that a fictional scenario I created for a given character reflects an important event in the life of the person whose photograph inspired the creation of the character. This is sometimes simply interesting but can be disturbing.
Television and movies can be important channels for receiving emotions and contacting the minds of people, both living and dead. The worst thing that ever happened to me along these lines was that I fell asleep shortly after hearing that John Wayne Gacy had been executed. My only thought was "good riddance to bad rubbish," although ethically speaking I'm opposed to the death penalty--not because I give a rip in hell about having mercy on those who have really committed heinous crimes, but because I believe there are cases where innocent people were executed. However, my purpose here is not to discuss my socio-political beliefs, but rather to share thoughts on esoteric and mystical phenomena.
As a medium, I tend to be an "open conduit" for spirits and Gacy, not very long dead, found me. I didn't "speak" to him, he entered my consciousness. And I had a deplorable dream where I, possessed by the spirit of Gacy, committed atrocious acts on a young boy. I do not believe that Gacy used my astral form to assault a young male spirit such as one of his victims. Rather, what happened is that Gacy's thoughts temporarily became my thoughts. Behaving in such a fashion is completely against my nature, and I woke physically shaken and nauseated, both from the awful visions filling my consciousness and the struggle of dislodging Gacy's consciousness from my mind. One good shove and he was gone and, fortunately, has never returned. Badly shaken, I sought words of comfort both from the Psalms, which I always did in my youth, and also from the Egyptian book of the Dead and asked the deities to please protect me from a repeat attack by Gacy. Although Gacy maintained his innocence, I have no doubt that he was guilty and that he was a sociopath who believed he had the right to do what he did. I sensed great pleasure from his memories (fortunately I did not "view" the murders, but viewing/feeling the assault on the boy was well and away bad enough) and that if he had been set free he would surely have done it again. There was also a great deal of arrogance. He thought me stupid and an easy target, which was pretty much his opinion of all other people. In contradiction, there was, at the core, a deep self-loathing which caused a great, cold rage. When he murdered the boys, at some level he was murdering a younger self that he saw as weak. He wasn't entirely aware of this.
I do not know John Wayne Gacy's childhood history, but I am quite sure he was abused and/or neglected to a degree. While I have sympathy for any child who was abused, the actions of Gacy and others like him are unconscionable.
Unlike Gacy and his ilk, my co-author and other benevolent Earthbound spirits do not care to enter the actual consciousness of the medium with whom they are communicating. They impart their thoughts but their consciousness does not invade upon mine. My co-author tends to guard me while I sleep because of my vulnerability to invading negative spirits and demons. Once when I was terribly sleep deprived I was taking a nap at my parents' house, which does have a "doorway" in the basement. A negative entity came in through the doorway and tried to enter my body. In order to protect me from its attack, my co-author briefly entered my consciousness to chase it out. This was a slightly startling experience for me--I liken it to the feeling when you miss a step coming down a flight of stairs but catch yourself. Surprisingly, it was greatly unsettling for him. He apologized and said that his doing this was actually inadvertent. He said that he has no desire to possess anybody and while my energy is actually pleasant (his words) being enveloped in another's energies is distressing. He had a thought that this may be because his energy is a male polarity and mine is a female polarity. What I'm getting around to is that no positive spirit or entity will ever enter your consciousness without your permission except in case of emergency in order to protect or help you, and they will vacate as soon as possible.
Higher spirits and angelic energies do not experience disruption when entering the consciousness of a living medium and the medium will generally experience peace during such contacts.

Before initiating such a contact, it is best to do a clearing of the area where you will be working. This should drive away any lower astral entities. My personal favorite rituals are basic Pagan ones using water, salt, and a scented candle. I also like to set up my Tara statue, but that's just me. You doowhatchalike, and the Universe will take care of the rest!

Blessed be,
Lily

Gnosis and the Creator Energy

My hodgepodge belief system has a name. That name is "gnosis." A Gnostic takes wisdom from various sources. Although most of my sources of inspiration come from folklore, mythology and religion, some of the sources where I gain esoteric knowledge are not in themselves esoteric.
For me one of the of the greatest sources of inspiration is the "star nursery," which is part of our physical Universe. To me this is evidence of a powerful creator force. This force is not something which needs a name, nor does it require that we worship it. It is benevolent, yet it does not involve itself in the affairs of incarnate creatures. It loves everything it creates, yet this love is not the emotional attachment that most of us think of.
My co-author (or, more specifically, his host or core personality) believes that he encountered this force not long after the death of his body. He believed that he was bound for hell for committing suicide. The core personality distanced himself from the protector personality, who, ironically, was the one who killed their body. He says that he drifted in space for quite some time, not wanting to go to hell. He wondered if he could drift there forever and simply not be noticed. He says that the creator force itself spoke to him, not in words but directly into his mind and told him that his belief that he was bad and would go to hell was erroneous. He told me that being "embraced" by this benevolent force changed his perspective about things and that he felt a powerful desire to somehow return to the world and do something that would help or heal others who suffered, even though it would be a great challenge to do so given the fact that he was now without a body.
This force is not a deity--it created the god/goddess and angelic or demi-god energies which we gave human names and faces to. It is not male or female but both of these energies sprang from it. It did not create the dualisms of good and evil, it is outside of such concepts. Evil was created from fear and anger.
One can revere the creator force and send it benevolent thought energy. But although it is the ultimate form of pure energy, it does not require this, for it is self-sustaining. Working with the various deities can help a person connect with it. Negative energy distances us from it and makes us more alone.
One does not need to follow a given path to benefit from the creator energy. One does not even need to acknowledge it. One simply needs to create positive energy through thought and action. And they will receive more of the same in kind.

*Before commenting, please remember that these are my beliefs and opinions. I am not trying to force you to share them. These discoveries are precious to me and for a long time I kept them to myself for fear of ridicule, which diminishes the beauty and power of anything magical. It is with no little trepidation that I have chosen to share these thoughts in case that someone else may attain "gnosis" from them. If you disagree with what I have shared you are welcome to do so, but please be respectful and do not belittle me for having opinions that are not identical to your own.*

No Win Situation

It bothers me to realize how much I'd like for people to accept me. But I need to accept the fact that this will never happen.

Sometimes I can't really think of anything to say on this particular blog and I feel that sharing ancient wisdom is positive. I take mine where I can get it. I am a tremendously flawed being. I need to find strength. What inspires me may not inspire others. That's cool, but the problem is, my jigsaw belief system leads to attacks from all sides.

I have always been by the Christian lot that I'm going to hell for my acceptance of various beliefs. I get told by the left hand path lot that I'm too good. Wiccans don't like me because I also accept philosophies from non-pagan traditions. Atheists think I'm stupid for believing in the existence of various deities, spirit beings and the continuation of the personality after the death of the body.

I was raised Catholic and when I started finding wisdom in non-Christian beliefs, I was terrified even though logic dictated that the whole fire and brimstone thing was propaganda to keep people locked into the church. I was able to finally resolve my terror of going to hell for my non-Christian beliefs by studying the Holy Qabalah, which taught me that all religions have a place. The problem is that too many people see these paths, which are guidelines to spiritual development, as "the only way." And this causes hatred and intolerance between people. And for someone like me ends up feeling like everyone would like to lynch me because I don't adhere to any single belief system but rather take the gnostic approach of finding where wisdom where it may be, even in what may seem to be stange places.

I'm never going to be able to please all the people all the time so I either have to hide in the shadows or accept that I'm a pariah. Maybe one day I'll be driven back into the night again. I really don't like being hated. But I should be used to it by now. Perhaps there's a reason I must endure it. It would be easier to hide. But I feel like I was supposed to do something with this life. Maybe someday I'll know the reason behind it all. Right now I'm too damn tired to care.

Buddhist Wisdom

This is from my Buddhism Day by Day book by Daisaku Ikeda. It's one of my favorites.

One of the epithets of a Buddha is "Hero of the World." A Buddha is a valiant and noble champion who has conquered the sufferings of life in the real world.

Nichiren writes: "Buddhism is like the body and society like the shadow. When the body bends, so does the shadow."

People cannot live apart from society. But to be constantly at the mercy of society's ups and downs is a miserable existence. It is crucial for us to be strong and wise.

The "body" Nichiren refers to is, on the personal level, our faith.

Something to share

This is a beautiul page that I found. I just wanted to share it.

Here is the link to the main page of the site. The site owner appears to be Christian but not the judgmental, harsh kind. They seem thoughtful and appear to possess a good heart and open mind.

First of 2008 Divination

I do try to listen to my co-author, my other spirit friends, and to higher forces, but sometimes my stress level makes it difficult to hear. I did my first meditation/divination of the year last night. I was really struck by how the various cards were speaking to me, but when the time came to wrap things up I didn't write it down.

One of the things that I've been focusing on is honing my skills at listening to and communicating with the spirits so it isn't quite so haphazard. There have been two occasions since I first met my co-author where I've very strongly sensed him urging me to do something. Neither have been anything earth-shattering but have been things that could help me later on.

The first one was actually pretty funny. My son and I had gone to my parents' house for Thanksgiving. My co-author told me I should be sure to ask my mother to include some rolls in the leftovers that my mother was sending home with us. I figured she probably was so I didn't say anything. On the way home my son was digging in the bag.

"Where are the rolls???" he asked.

There weren't any. I told him that my ghost friend had actually suggested that I ask about rolls. My son said "Well, apparently, you don't listen to ANYBODY!" And he's never let me forget.

This time, my co-author has suggested that I write down the divination I received before I re-shuffle the cards for the next meditation/divination. The cards I received will still be on top of the deck. He said it will be good to be able to reference this divination when the times of hopelessness come, and to look at it again at the end of this year and see what I've managed to accomplish. This time I'm going to listen to him so he won't have reason to give me shit!

The Hindu deity who was a meditational focus was Brihaspati. He is a denizen of the Jupiter sphere. He is the spiritual master to the Hindu demigods and sages. He has influence in the three worlds. He bestows power and prestige in society, worldly knowledge and knowledge of law, the gifts of a spiritual teacher/master, and abilities as an advisor or counselor.

The Goddess who was the meditational focus was Brigit. She advises "sticking to your guns" and standing up for what you believe is right. I do go through periods of doubt where I figure those who think I've convinced myself that this is true and that I'm simply mad as a hatter are right and I should cease this nonsense. Thing is when I've tried, I just feel empty. People have a right to believe that I'm naff, that none of this could possibly be real, etc. However, that doesn't mean that I have to believe it. Nor does it mean that I need to put up with anyone who tries to shove their opinion down my throat or who is rude in their assertion that they're right and I (and everyone else in the world) am wrong. Maybe they are right but they can go be right somewhere else. And maybe what's right for them isn't right for me--or anybody else.

The Archangel focus was Ariel. Ariel in this context advises not holding back, going boldly forward with projects or ventures that are of particular importance to me. This means continuing to work on the books--even though so far this is hardly successful financially.

The next card, coming from the Saints and Angels deck, was Joan of Arc. Joan, of course, led France to victory and then the very king she helped had her burned as a heretic. She advises that while one may be ridiculed or punished for believing in something, particularly something that seems divinely or spiritually guided, that one day their sacrifices will help others. There were not too many female heroic figures for girls to look up to when I was growing up. Joan of Arc certainly is one, for any generation of girls.

The Unicorn oracle is fun one. The card from this deck says "Imagine" and advises incorporating creative visualization into my spiritual practice. I used to do this but it was hard when my thoughts got chaotic and I was afraid of erroneously manifesting something negative, so I stopped. I haven't done it since before my son was born. It seems I should take up this practice again.

The animal guide is the Water Buffalo. This creature advises being bold and believing in myself. The theme of courage is reocurring in this reading. Any theme that reoccurs is one to pay special attention to.

The next part of the divination comes from the Harmony Angel Cards. One draws a card from each suit. My reading was as follows:

From the Rainbow suit I again receive Ariel. The reoccurrence is a sign that I need to pay particular attention to this angel and his/her message. Ariel rules over Earth and Air. His/her sphere is Pluto and his/her color is amethyst. His/her gift is the Earth healing element, Reiki. Interestingly, my co-author has a natural gift in the use of this particular energy. He will very kindly apply warmth to painful areas on my spine and this helps in other ways. He had no idea that the energy had a name. He always called it "Spirit Energy." He says that this is a component of the energy that survives the death of the body. I had no idea that this was what Reiki was. Of course I had heard of Reiki but I didn't really know what it was. I had been considering getting training in this area. I am told that I could become proficient in the use of this energy and that doing so would actually facilitate my spirit commuication.

It's a pity that my co-author wasn't guided to use this natural gift of his in life. It's really quite impressive.

The next card, from the Star Fire suit, represents the Angel Verchiel. This angel rules over issues of courage, leadership, and loyalty. (Reoccuring theme throughout this divintion) He/she rules over the sign of Leo. The angel advises proceeding boldly but not haphazardly. Wasted energy will detract from good results.

The Quintessence suit yields a card representing two angels: Sadriel and Eth. Sadriel is the angel of order and Eth the angel of time. These are two things I need more of in my life, also the ability to organize my time optimally. I have invited these angels to work with me on these areas of my life.

Finally, the sacred flame suit yields the card representing the Macrocosm. This is the card of magical and spiritual alchemy and physically speaking represents the third eye. For a medium or other magician it advises balances between the physical and spiritual worlds and indicates to me that I should indeed continue developing these abilities and fear neither them nor the myriad of naysayers that may wish to make themselves feel bigger through trying to make others feel smaller. I need to continue developing my spiritual abilities and other gifts will be revealed to me.

To end the divination, this was the daily prayer from the Pocket Prayers deck:

The morning arrives

And the song of a bird comes undone

I imagine for the first time in my life

That its wings

Are my own

--Corinne De Winter

For me this was a reminder that I'm not just a flesh-android who will cease to exist when my circuits cease to function. The body is a cocoon and when the time comes to leave it, we will fly free. But we will still be bound to the Earth sphere until our lessons are learned. Learning spiritual lessons while in the flesh will allow us to fly free in spirit when we ae freed from the confines of our bodies.

If you think a divination of this nature would be helpful to you, the cost is $25 or the purchase of one of our books. Please visit the official website to find out more.

Blessings,

Lily

The Cards Don't Lie

But sometimes they can be difficult to interpret--especially for yourself. Which is why I avoid doing readings for myself.

My current method of worship and reflection takes into account my polytheistic belief system. I set up the Buddha and Tara statuettes. I want to add a Ganesha statuette in the future. I draw cards from the Mandala deck, which features Hindu deities, one from the Goddess deck and the archangel deck, both created by Doreen Virtue, one from the animal guides deck and one from the non-denominational prayers deck. Each of these items tells me something I need to be aware of, a devotion I need to focus on at the given time.

Something disquieting happened during the two sessions previous to my Yule devotion, which I did last night. Yeah I know, running late as usual. I'll probably be late for my own funeral. On a not so amusing note, Lord Yama, a Hindu deity of death, appeared as the focus card from the Hindu deities deck. This did not set well with me. Try though I might to believe that he meant I should be focusing on transitions in the living world, he seemed to be telling me that his appearance pertained to a physical death. I didn't want to. The first person I thought of was my father. He has been in poor health since his stroke three and a half years ago. He has terrible sores on his legs that won't heal due to the edema. He has atrial fibrillation but dares not take the drugs that are generally prescribed for this because they thin the blood and he had a hemorrhagic stroke, not a clot. When I went over to my parents' house on Sunday, my father didn't answer when my mother called down the stairs. I said I'd go down and see what he was up to. She said "one of these days..." She didn't have to finish. I knew what she meant. I said "yeah, I know. But not today." And he was fine. He was shredding old documents. I think he really enjoys that paper shredder. I had to unjam it one day when I was over because he'd fed too much into it at a go.

Much though I wanted to deny what Lord Yama was obviously telling me, the truth will not be denied. However, it wasn't my father this time. It was a friend's husband who discovered just a couple months ago that he had esophageal cancer. I hope everyone will send healing energy to her and her family. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also leave a message of sympathy for her on her blog.

I was surprised at how fast he went, although when they found the cancer he was already in the end stage. He had just started getting chemo. I felt that he would be in spirit come next winter but I didn't think it would happen this soon. I had sent them a gift card for video rentals from Blockbuster and dinner from Chili's. I hoped perhaps it would give them a good memory to have come next Yule when they would be separated by the veil between this world and the spirit realm. Now it will arrive to find my friend alone and I feel like a real asshole, like I'm pouring salt in the wounds by having sent it. Of course I didn't do it this way intentionally. I am not super-accurate with exact dates and times of events. I get a "big picture" sense of things. I sense atmospheres surrounding people and I talk to people that are already dead, if they want to talk to me. But I still feel as if I was unintentionally cruel and that really bothers me.

Even though I know that it isn't "evil"and I've been doing it for a lot of years and I know that there is an afterlife and powers greater than we who live in the material realm, sometimes the whole diviniation/precognition thing gives me the heebie jeebies. When I start getting messages like this, I don't want them. It makes me think about subjects that were presented as frightening and taboo. In the culture of the Australian Aboriginals, they believe that a person comes from the All That Is, incarnates in the world for a time, and returns to the All That Is. If someone "dreams" of a dead relative or friend, everyone accepts that the dreamer and the spirit person were truly spending time together. In the Western culture, such an event is dismissed as the dreamer's subconscious mind playing tricks on them. With all I've experienced, I think the Western belief is bullshit. There have been many times when I wished the cards were lying. But they don't. And the dead aren't gone, they're just different. They have energy bodies instead of physical ones. But they still have thoughts, needs and wishes. And they do still love the ones they leave behind.

My deepest sympathies to Raine on your loss. I am so very sorry.

My End of Year Divination

I use this method with my regular ceremonies but this will let me know what to look for in the coming year.

From the Mandala Wisdom deck I receive the message of Yamuna Devi, the goddess of purification. She indicates that I will be given opportunities to grow spiritually in the coming year and to purge from my psyche all that no longer suits. Outmoded attitudes, possibly defensiveness and tendency to anger. I pray to her that I come to believe in myself and my abilities more, not to be vain and arrogant but to be confident and know that I am just as deserving of blessings as others. I also pray that my past erroneous actions may be forgiven and the negative karma washed away.

From the Goddess deck I receive the wisdom of Sedna. She foretells of positive gain. I have always been afraid to pray/petition for this because my upbringing taught me that to do so was evil and would bring misfortune. I pray to her that I allow myself to gracefully receive blessings and to be able to ask for what I need, not to be greedy or to have more than others but to have enough to be comfortable and to share with others.

From the Archangel Jophiel I receive the message that I need to get outside in nature more often. This will clear me of the negative entities that tend to attach themselves to me and help me renew and strengthen given the fact that I work in a place where the door between the physical and spirit realm is often opened due to the fact that so many people die where I work. (retirement community/assisted living/nursing home) There are several earthbound spirits here and also several portals where heebie-jeebies from the lower astral like to come in and try to suck energy like the little vampires they are. Being outdoors helps clear these energies and strengthen the aura. I ask for Jophiel to give me the nudge I need to overcome my exhaustions and to do this.

My animal messenger is the Seal. The Seal advises that hard work and inspiration are the foudation of true creativity. Or, as Ringo Starr said, "you got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues and you know it don't come easy."

Frustrations, expectations, wanting quick recognition...guilty as charged.

The Seal also advises, as a denizen of both water and land, that the "landscapes of the mind may be made material." I must focus on the various aspects of manifesting what I want. And maybe dare to dream a little again.

I know I've been called upon to do what I'm doing and I answered the call. Nobody forced me, I went willingly. Whether the rest of the world simply thinks I'm daft for what I believe can't be allowed to influence me or I'm doomed to failure. Let 'em think it. I'm going to do it anyway.

And these are my affirmations which I must return to once a week to fully absorb their truths over this coming year.

A Meditation for Acceptance

Whatever is in harmony with you, O Universe

Is in harmony with me

Whatever comes in due season for you

Is not too early or too late for me

What your seasons bring is fruit for me

For all things come from You

And return to You

--Marcus Aurelius

For

For what we eat

For what we wear

For melodies heard

For wonders seen

For what we have

For what will come

For family, friends

For love that's blessed

For gifts of hope

For lives of grace

May we give thanks

And be joyful

--Michelle Close Mills

I was only going to draw one card from the "Pocket Prayers" deck but the two that ended up at the front had the same picture on the back, so I took it as an omen.

To me these prayers signify taking a more Zen attitude, having more patience, and being grateful for what is instead of pissed off about what isn't. Yeah...I have difficulty with this. I will take the wisdom I have been given and give thanks for it. And I will try.

That is my advice given me by the Universe during my Yule celebration. I place it here so I can return to it and see how well I am doing. And if my method strikes a chord with any of you, feel free to use it!

Blessings to anyone reading this and best wishes for your coming year.

Lily

Xmahannuramakwanzyule Meme and PANSI'S Plea

I wasn't invited to do this but I stole it from here and did it anyways. Because when you're as unpopular as me, you get used to crashing the party!

CHRISTMAS MEME

When people say Christmas you immediately think:

Oh greed! Food and presents!

Favorite Christmas memory:

Putting up the tree. We used to really have a beautiful tree every year and lots of nice decorations. It was great to put up and hell to take down.

Favorite Christmas song/carol:

I like the Little Drummer Boy, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, What Child is This, the Carol of the Bells, and a bunch of stuff on the Celtic Christmas album. I also like the Coventry Carol, but it's very sad.

Favorite Christmas movie:

Probably A Christmas Story because it's funny.

Your favorite Christmas character..:

The animals in the manger!

Favorite ornament/object:

There were some handmade ones that my great-grandmother sent us that I really loved. Those and the birds. And the glass ones. I'm getting a bit fucking nostalgic here.

What are your plans for Christmas?

I'll be working, Beeyatch. No joke.

Other than that, I'll give my son his gifts. And make a halfway nice dinner. Now I'm feeling pissy and humbuggy about the working thing. Fucking Alvin N. Chipmunkk! (My boss)

If you want to play, you're tagged. Tell me where you did the dirty deed so I can come and see the results.

And now, here's PANSI.

First becuz of the incompatent's of the CHEESE MISTRESS it look's like I am going to be without CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S this yeer! I sertanly dont no what Mrs. Weirdso was thinking when she sent me to the Never World! It was probly part of some heething packt that her and the CHEESE MISTRESS have! And now to ad insult's to injery's, the CHEESE MISTRESS puts my importent messaje about my not getting CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S after her dumb thingy about what she thinks of Christmas when she is just a big heething anyway's! I reely hope there are some good pepul heer who will help corekt the dumb mistakes of the CHEESE MISTRESS. I hope you will go heer to reed my urjent plee and see how you can get me some CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S! PLEESE!!! I am cownting on you!

Kiss Kiss,

PANSI!!!!!

Silly Meme

You Should Have Been Born Under:

You've got a ton of energy - and need plenty of room to roam. You tend to follow your whims, and it's hard for you to stick to one thing. Specific jobs, loves, and friends are always changing and never a part of your life for long. Very intuitive, you tend to know what people are thinking before they say a word. You are most compatible with a Dog or Tiger.

What Year Should You Have Been Born Under?

I'm actually a Snake.

Meditation/Spiritual Practice and Exhaustion

I was raised with a religion wherein there were a lot of things that could make you a BAD PERSON. One of these things was being remiss about attending services on the given day at the given time. This may be one reason why I was drawn initially to solitary esoteric work and later to Buddhism as well. There wasn't so much dogma. "You have to do Y on day X, or you'll go to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS!!! AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE IS NO BUTTER IN HELL AND SO YOU WILL FRY PAINFULLY WITH NO EMULSIFYER."

Even when I left behind the religion of rigid dogma, this is one of the beliefs that piggybacked on my subconscious, along with if you wish for money something horrible will happen to you. This belief may well be blocking the free flow of positive energy between myself and the Universe. For instance, I have been zombie tired the past few days. I can barely muster the energy to place the Tara and Buddha statuettes, let alone do any sort of invocations. While Tara and Buddha are not the sort of deities to strike one down with lightning for not worshipping on schedule, I still feel the old I AM NOT WORTHY creeping in. The only thing I can do is recognize it and let it go. Holding onto it or fighting it are only going to do me no good. So I may have to repeat for a while that this is an erroneous belief and must be released before it finally departs. But I won't wrestle with it because wrestling only allows it to keep its hold on me.

Peace and blessings.

Angelic Prayer

Merry Meet!
Here is a prayer to the Angelic Forces to help cease hostilties in the Middle East.
Blessed Be

Invocations

Merry meet! Today I was looking for invocations of Aphrodite. I found some that I thought were particularly helpful.

Here is a site that you may find helpful. It contains invocations to various Gods and Goddesses.

Here is one that has meditations specifically focused on Aphrodite.

Here is a ritual for invoking Aphrodite.

Here is Sappho's hymn to Aphrodite.

Seeing these links, one might think I was foolishly lusting after an unattainable lover as I have done in the past too many times. No such thing! I simply decided that always doing rituals according to a day and time felt too cut and dry to me and I needed something fresh. I have divination decks from which I draw cards. Today Aphrodite is with me. She is far more than a goddess of sexual love although that is one of the areas she certainly rules over. She also helps with friendship love, with the arts, and with gardening. So today I was looking for ways to honor her.

Blessed be.

I guess I am a genius! (Not really)

Get a Cash Advance

Guess at least there's a good side to it

Your Sensitivity Score: 96%

You are an extremely sensitive person. You notice everything. You've probably been called overly sensitive before, and it's partially true. Highly sensitive people tend to be highly intelligent. And you just can't turn off that part of you.

Are You Extremely Sensitive?

Tyr

The deity of the day is Tyr. Read the basic facts about him at Pagan News.
I could use a courage injection from Tyr. I tend to be too worried about what others think.

Lord Ganesha

When I was growing up, I was taught that wishing for money was evil. My parents read me the story "The Monkey's Paw" as an illustration that if you wish for money, God will punish you for money is the root of all evil. Such a wish is a selfish wish and anyone brazen enough to wish for something so selfish as money would be granted sorrow.

When I discovered metaphysics, it seemed logical to me that wishing for money was not in itself evil, but I could never bring myself to try and attract money because of my earlier training, although I would be very generous with my money. I still felt very uncomfortable doing spell work to bring more money into my life.

Tonight, I had the rare and beautiful occurrence of a spontaneous manifestation from the benevolent Lord Ganesha, the Vedic God of plenty. This is not to say that I saw a 20 foot tall human-elephant hybrid standing before me, but I did see the benevolent deity very clearly in my mind's eye and I felt his kindness and knew that if I wished for what I needed through him, it could never manifest in a negative way. Lord Ganesha is a merciful deity and would never play a wicked trick on those who turn to him in their time of need. Nor would he punish the innocent for the wicked deeds of one family member or associate.

I often become too wrapped up in doing things perfectly. I had a couple of very "heavy" days of meditation, worship and spirit contact. Lord Ganesha asked me to make this day an easy and fun day, to perform but a few spells and to ask for and allow his help. He knows the heart of those who petition him and he knows that my intentions are good. I feel honored that he manifested to me without my asking and gave me his blessing. I know I can always turn to Lord Ganesha and while this isn't a "genie in the bottle" sort of thing where all I wish is instantaneously dropped on my doorstep I know that he will never punish me or those I love and if he sees error in my ways, he will find a method of getting the message across kindly, for he is all benevolence. Blessed be Lord Ganesha and great is my thanks to him for his blessings.

Lily Rowena Iridescent Leaf

Fundamentalist Foolishness

Things like this are why I can't abide fundamentalist Christians.

The guy was gay. So the megachurch that was going to do the funeral service canceled.

This is the original article.

There's some love for you. Dude was gay. He wasn't hurting anybody. He wasn't a murderer or a rapist or a child molester. Just a guy who happened to be in love with another guy.

I dislike megachurches too. I do not think they were in the spirit that Jesus intendend.

Jesus cared for and healed outcasts. I think he would have had some kind words to say for the spirit of this guy.

I dislike the Christian church. But I have the highest regard for Jesus, the enlightened healer.

Fortunately my heathen present is no secret

You Are a Yule Log

While you do have holiday spirit, you have a secret, heathen past.

What Holiday Food Are You?

Strange Days

I step outside for a smoke and hear a collective psychic scream all around my neighborhood.

"This isn't what I planned! This isn't what I would have chosen! Why?"
I wonder why all of us are here. Is it just our bad choices, or just bad luck? There aren't any "bad" people living around here. Just a bunch of "trailer trash." People who have given up or were never cut a break in life.
Why are we here?
Why did those people die on that bridge in Missouri?
My son's best friend had a dream the night before the bridge collapsed. He dreamed of an old, rickety wooden bridge that collapsed into the Mississippi river and cars fell in. Many people were killed.
The bridge that collapsed had structural damage. He must have been perceiving that.
I astral projected while being worked on at the chiropractor's office today. Kind of freaked me out. I slammed back into my body and almost had a panic attack.
Strange days indeed.

Amazing song! Love the Doors!























Read the story of the Jim Morrison spirit photo.

The truth

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits. Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle. Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it. You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

What Time Of Day Are You?

Finally perhaps a good explanation.

Doug wrote this on his blog:
WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

2007 Update: A sorceress responsible for, among other things, men turning into apes; enchantments that cause obsession, indifference or distraction in the victim; the levitation of owls; the nocturnal rituals of cats; and, in many cases, profligate drinking, foolish voting and debt.

And I replied:
Then there's the boring kind of witch, like me, who is simply someone who didn't get along with the accepted religion of the society and so reverted to a previous one. Neither hideously ugly nor in any way beautiful, I zig-zag or sleepwalk in my own odd way through life, annoying those who lack a sense of humor and frightening those who are devoted to the accepted religion.

The Crystal Cavern

Please visit my new web store, The Crystal Cavern. Featuring a variety of aromatherapy products, books, candles, massage oils, and cool specialty items. Check it out!

So What Happened in this life?

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego. You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

What Animal Were You In a Past Life?

Which Goddess of Death are you?

My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which Goddess of Death are You?, is ?????

My top result for the SelectSmart.com selector, Which Goddess of Death are You?, is Eriskegal - The Sumerian Goddess of the Underworld. This Sumerian Goddess of Death is naked and asleep. She weeps for all those who die, yet when her sister tried to take over her realm, she turned her into a chunk of rotting meat... When provoked, you have one hell of a temper!

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Blessing of Bast for dead or dying cat

I also placed this on my Animal Anarchy Blog.
The Blessing of Bast


Blessing to the Dead (For Bast)
(NOTE: This is a quote taken from Michael Poe’s e-text.)

"Bast is a goddess for the Sun and the Moon, but for the dead Sunset is
the best time; Night comes second, sunrise third, and daylight comes in
fourth for ritual for this.

Face the West, setting sun (or if not at sunset, either the moon or the
sun depending on you doing it in the day or night time. If you have an
oil lamp lit it; if not use white candles, and a little votive candle. Bless
the two white ones to Bast, the votive to the dead cat. Meditate upon the
cats attributes; able to see at night, intelligent, quick, independent, very
maternal, luxury minded and sensual. (if you have a cat, invite her in
your circle).

Bast nefer dy ankh
Beautiful Bast giving Life,

A Bast, shu asenu
Hail Bast, in visible form, casting light into the darkness

sesept em kekui,
I have come before you,

i kua ser-ten, uat sesh-tha, ta em hetep.
the path is opened, the earth is at peace.

(Egyptian pronunciation is optional, but in ancient Egypt was imperative to speak the language to create the sounds to get the response.)

O Great goddess, Bast,
Soul of Isis,
Heart of the Sun-hear my call.
Enter now this consecrated shrine (or circle)
Make Thy presence known to me.

(envision the dead cat)

Aid thy servant in reaching the source of all things,
Guide thy servant's steps on the true path
Answer your physical manifestation's soul's desire for Thou.
Blessed be Bast,
Who gathers her children into life everlasting.
Blessed be Bast,
The Beloved of Bast has gone to the Horizon,
Your physical manifestation lives now only in the sunset.
May it's ka endure and it's shadow seek the light.
The power of Bast protects her,
Shut en Bast sau."

If THAT is unsatisfying or baffling, do not worry. Here is a simpler prayer:

"Mau Bast! Mau Bast! A Basti, per em setat, erta-na chu em asui
neter sentra semu hena net'emmit, hetep ab em asui tau heqt.

Translation: Hail Bast! Hail Bast! Hail Bast, coming forth from the secret place, may there
be given to me splendor in the place of incense, herbs, and love-joys, peace of heart in the
place of bread and beer."

A Question of Belief

Sometimes when I am receiving input from my co-author or another spirit, I fear I may just be a lonely lunatic imagining the whole thing. But then later I'll find out that things I had no way of knowing are absolutely true.
My psychic abilities are very raw. I have never honed them. I have good abilities in divination skills such as reading tarot cards. I do not normally pick up on things like names or initials. I likely can't tell a person what their dearly beloved Nana's pet name for them was in childhood. I do not see spirits, I feel them. I feel their emotions and, from my co-author, sensations of warmth, for instance when he puts his hand on my back. He/they (the soul in question suffered from dissociative personality disorder, which is not common knowledge) discovered that they possess an innate healing ability. It is also obvious to me that they possessed empathic abilities and a rather powerful ability to contact the spirit realm.
It confuses me at times why the deities and angels don't intervene more strongly to save an individual such as this. Sadly in this case, the negative energies surrounding him were too strong, I think. But he reminds me that while his life may have been lost, his soul was not.
There is still much for me to learn and when I begin to question the reality of it, I am reminded of this fact. Since being befriended by this invisible but very real spirit, I have never again been plagued by demons attempting to possess me, which is something that used to happen quite frequently when I slept. It is nice to have a "guard spook." We are learning a lot together and truly do enjoy one another's company.
People also often have the mistaken impression that ghosts are omniscient. They are the same people they were in life. They do have access to more channels of information but are not omniscient just because they shed their bodies. So it's no good being angry with Uncle Grant because he can't tell you the winning lottery numbers or Aunt Sally because she doesn't know who you should marry. But it might be well to listen if you sense Uncle Grant tapping you on the shoulder when you're reading the classifieds looking for a better job or Aunt Sally warning you that the new guy you have such strong feelings for is a bad deal. Spirits are energy and they sense energies. Not being bound by the solid confines of a body, they can do so more freely than we can.
Expert psychics are adept at sensing these same energies. We can all develop them. It takes time and patience like anything else. And it is real.

Here are some psychic exercises to try.

Reading regarding my business venture

Greetings Cie,

Greetings Cara this is Lady Joy. I am currently filling in for Lydia due to time constraints. My Spirit Guide says: What you should do is seek new funding if at all possible. Most new businesses cannot support themselves on little funds. Try to get investors or work through networking and profit sharing. You will need at least to get a part time job to try to help support this venture. It will take at least a year more to be more supportive and have money coming in. Make sure the part time job is supportive and it is money coming to you not just speculative. This will require a lot of endurance on your part. If however you just choose to wait things out the new business will flounder. It is not yet strong enough to stand on its own two feet. The book will do moderately well but it needs a good marketing team to set it in the lime light. This will help with extra cash but not right immediately. Make sure you have a good contract with the publisher and get your just du e. Profits at first will seem skimpy but they will improve especially in August. You have a lot of operations going perhaps spread a little thin. You need more time or the ability to delegate. The adult store is the most viable since you have invested in it more than the dollar store. Save the dollar store for a bit later in two years when all else is moving along smoothly. Blessings Lady Joy

LadyJoy of Psychic Realm




You Wrote:

Hello Lydia To get the basic stuff out of the way first my name is Cara Hartley or Cie and my email address is clhproducts@gmail.com I have just started working in e-commerce. All the ideas seem good but I have become quite overwhelmed. The $2000 I borrowed from my family is nearly gone. I have this sense that "good things are just around the corner" if only I stick with it. But as I have bipolar disorder I tend to have too many thoughts and to diversify too much. Also I have just written a book that is being set for publication as we speak. I got into e-commerce to make money to promote the book and also to pay for the publishing as major publishers won t touch unknowns. The websites I have are an adult store that is already set up and has thousands of products. It is very classy not some sort of sleazy operation. The other is a general store and the third is a discount "dollar store." My feeling is that the adult business has the most potential and I should work on pro moting and advertising that. I know this is a lot of info so the basic question is how should I best go about succeeding at my new business ventures? Thank you so much for your time. Cie

Cie

Senseless

I really don't get people who commit massacres because they're miserable.

I've thought about taking myself out many a time. The thought usually crosses my mind several times a month.

I was very unpopular when I was in school, especially junior high. There was one girl who seemed to live to make me miserable. One time she passed around this note alleging that the teacher's assistant in art and I were having a "thing." The note was very graphic and very disgusting, and I was horrified. She said the ugliest things about me. And I actually came up with a plan to kill her.

I had a knife under my jacket and was going to follow her into the girls' bathroom and stab her.

I had no other targets although there were others that picked on me. This girl made my life hell, however, and I had reached a breaking point.

Something, I have no idea what, a spirit guide, an angel, my higher (and I don't mean having smoked more pot, something that I did a lot of back in the day) self said to me:

"Don't do it. Put the knife back. You don't want to ruin your entire life over this bitch."

It wasn't a namby pamby goody goody "love thy enemy" schpiel. It wasn't asking me to consider what Jesus would do, in spite of the fact that at the time I was a devout Catholic. Whatever was guiding me acknowledged that this girl was a mean-spirited bitch. It told me that I was above doing something that barbaric and deserved better than to spend the remainder of my youth incarcerated for killing her, and probably having to change my identity as an adult. This guidance was loud and clear (in my mind, not in my ears) and it was very real and honest.

I've often wondered where the guiding voice was for people like this recent mass murderer, for people like the guy at the Amish school, for people like Harris and Klebold.

Is the voice there but they block it out?

Or are they listening a voice that encourages them to kill?

I wonder if I'll ever know.

I don't think I'll ever understand.

Standing Up For What I Believe

For many years I have done my ceremonies seated. I was raised in the Catholic church and we sat or kneeled, sometimes stood. Even when I turned to my particular blend of Wicca, Buddhism and Gnosticism, I have tended to remain seated during my ceremonies. But when I did the Ostara ceremony yesterday, I felt the power when I performed most of the work STANDING!

In yesterday's post I mentioned calling on Balder, who is a benevolent god of power. Not the kind of power that tramples over the rights of others, but the kind that invites one to be true to oneself and one's beliefs. Balder only fights when necessary. He is strong enough that he doesn't have to fight to prove himself.

It was as if Balder said to me "stand up, Sister, and join me!" And when I felt the power that went into that ceremony, I truly felt at one with the Ancient Deities.

Sometimes being seated is right. When doing the Buddhist meditations, one is in a relaxed seated or kneeling position, according to their level of comfort. Relaxing the body allows the mind to relax, helping the enlightenment to reach through the mind to the soul. But when doing a full afternoon of meditation, we are sometimes called to get up and walk, strolling slowly through the temple, to bring ourselves back to earthly reality. This helps integrate the new enlightenment into our physical minds.

Sometimes meditation is done lying down, as with the exercises I do to increase my astral projection proficiency. This is a very relaxed way to learn new things and new ideas. Hypnotism is usually perfomed on a subject who is lying down.

And sometimes kneeling in deference to one's beloved deities is correct as well.

But the thing I like about the Pagan and Buddhist deities is that they don't command you admit your inferiorty. They only ask your respect.

It is much more an apprentice/adept relationship than a master/slave relationship.

And that feels more RIGHT to me.

I give gratitude to Balder, Freya, Brigit, and all the other mighty deities who joined in our ceremony of blessing for the growing year and for the book yesterday.

Blessed be!

Lily

and the Ghost Writer

Why Ostara Today

We didn't do it as a protest against the Christian Easter. We did it because we are celebrating new beginnings.
The book that I initially started in 1992 and my spectral co-author joined me in writing and helped me change radically for the better in 2005 is finished! We did our Ostara ceremony before submitting it. We invoked Brigid and Freya, who we had invoked and asked to bless our work when we discovered each other and knew we wanted to work together. We invoked Balder, a beloved Deity of my co-author's people, and any other benevolent deity that wished to be present. We then did a ceremony to the God and Goddess. When done, the circle was filled with benevolent energy and blessing, and I plugged the portable drive into the computer and off went the story to its destination.
I was so nervous I was ready to piss my pants! Luckily I did not humiliate myself thusly in front of my co-author and the deities. I was actually happy because I have not been that excited about anything in literally years.
When we began working together, we felt that doing so would be beneficial to both of us.
It has been.
Now we must work to achieve our greater goals from the book. Raising awareness about mental illness, and bringing to light certain truths that he wants the world to know about him.
The site for the book is live, but as of this writing, is still in its very skeletal stages. By the end of the month it should start looking like something.
Here is the link for anyone who is interested in looking at a cyber-skeleton!
May you achieve your goals this year as well!
Blessed Be
Cie and Ghost

I am Love

Which Positive Quality Are You? Your Result: Love You are Love. Love is the glue that binds us all together. The love of family, the love of friends, the love between husbands and their wives--these things form the foundation of our happiness, our security, and our comfort. "All you need is love."
Courage
Friendship
Charity
Faith
Peace
Which Positive Quality Are You?

I think this refers more to benevolent love and trying to treat people decently than to romantic love, or I think the results would have been way different because I'm a pretty big cynic when it comes to romantic love. I'm actually kind of a cynic about how much good the humanitarian kind of love does, but I still believe its the right thing to do.

To Hell (Hel) With Me?

People are multifaceted. While I try to be a nice person, and I usually am until someone gives me reason to be pissed off, I can also be the meanest fucking bitch you ever met! Generally this goes against what I believe to be proper action. Even if I don't like someone, usually I'll ignore them. But what about the kind of people that come looking for it? You warn them and they insist on pissing you off! How much bad karma is it giving me that I kind of enjoy allegorically kicking the living shit out of some asshole that truly deserves it when they come a-knocking and ASKING FOR IT??? They could just stay away! I wouldn't follow them.

Maybe I'm giving into temptation sent by some devil or other to heap bad karma atop my already questionable karma. On the other hand, maybe I'm just emulating the Norse Goddess Hel, pictured above.

Hel rules over the Norse underworld, or Niflheim. This realm has three levels. On the first level, deities and warriors celebrate together with Hel. On the second level, those who died infirm and weak roam until they are released for rebirth. On the third and worst level are the truly evil.

While Hel is generally seen as a harsh deity, she can also be benevolent. She assists magicians who call upon her respectfully.

Read more about the Norse spiritual realms here.

Love, Hate and Betherell

It is said that love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and most people take this to mean that first you love someone and then are betrayed by them so the intensity of emotion that was once directed into love is now directed into hate. In truth, I have recently discovered that this simply means that love and hate are both intense emotions which are the polar opposites of one another. Both require energy but love is positive energy and hate is negative energy.

You don't in fact have to love someone enough to feel betrayed by them to end up hating them. You can go from feeling charitable towards someone to disliking them because they display a consistently hateful attitude towards you. You can go from tolerating a person that you find it difficult to get along with in any case to fully hating them because they become openly hostile towards you.

In a recent personal experience my feelings towards a given individual went from thinking of them as odd but basically ok to general annoyance at nearly everything they said, to feeling disrespected by them, to feeling totally creeped out by them. When I finally made it known that I would no longer tolerate their unacceptable behavior, this individual became downright hostile. On the cosmic scale of things this individual means nothing to me, but I have a lifetime of issues and this attack, which was about a 1 on the cosmic richter scale with a mouse fart being a 1, a nuclear blast being about a 5, and a supernova being a 10, made me react in ways that are inexplicable to people who have developed decent skills for coping with life's problems, especially the myriad of crappy little stuff.

I have banished the attacker through comment moderation. If I see their name in the list of comments, I delete it without reading it. Now this individual is going around slamming me on other people's blogs. They really are the most ridiculous thing, and I really don't care but something inside me does.
I was watching this program about people with addictive or destructive behaviors. There was a young woman who was musically talented, had a definite borderline personality. She had been molested as a child. She was standing outside a nightclub when some jerk walked by her and called her a whore. This upset her so much that when she went home that night she started cutting herself all over. She said that she knew it was stupid to get so upset over this but she always did, whenever someone who didn't know her said something bad about her like that it would send her into a spiral of self-hate. This is what happens to me and this is why people like my verbal assailant are poison to me. I should never have been nice to him. My first impression of him was that he was "strange, but basically an ok guy." Then I started finding him annoying, then creepy. The more I ignored him the more he started harrassing me. Then he eventually started making hostile comments when I made it clear that I wasn't going to put up with any more of his shit. He isn't getting to me now, but I knew exactly what that poor girl was talking about. Her cutting was far worse than any I've done. I would cut on my arms, legs and abdomen but immediately try to hide it most times. She smeared the blood all over herself. She also saw her image in a mirror and smashed her fist through the mirror. I wanted to reach out and hug her and say "It's ok, my sister, I understand." Its horrible knowing your actions are strange and wrong and not being able to stop yourself, feeling dead inside and wanting to be dead. And most of the time it is good people that these feelings afflict.

What does this have to do with love and hate?

I was walking along pondering my reaction to this fool when a kind spirit said to me that I was smart enough to know that such an individual wasn't worthy of my love, so why couldn't I see that he wasn't worthy of my hate? The spirit told me that hate involves a great expenditure of energy and in the end only tires out the person who is doing the hating. So this is far from being some namby-pamby new-agey "love thy enemy" sort of speech. It is far more a "ignore your enemy because they aren't worth your energy" speech. I will not purport to lecture anyone that has deep-seated hate for an individual who killed a loved one or other such heinous acts. But for your run of the mill detractors or even your cheating ass boyfriend or girlfriend, eating yourself up with hate does you not one bit of good. And this leads to the concept of Betherell.

In the wonderful science fiction pictorial book Aliens in Space by Stephen Caldwell, the inhabited world which circles Proxima Centauri is home to a peaceful, advanced civilization. There are no jails and there is no capital punishment. But the worst criminals are subject to a fearsome sentence known as Betherell. Those doomed to Betherell must wear special clothing so everyone in society knows their fate, and they are henceforth ignored by the entire population. They have in essence ceased to exist. One can see where this would be psychologically distressing, but as Caldwell points out, to be completely ignored can also be deadly. If one upon whom Betherell is imposed walks in front of a planetary transport, for instance, the transport driver is not going to slow down for them because they, in essence, do not exist. If such an individual is drowning, no-one is going to rescue them because they, for all intents and purposes, do not exist.

While this fictional sentence imposed upon criminals on a fictional world may seem extreme and preposterous, consider the merit of in essence imposing Betherell upon those who repeatedly offend us and violate our personal comfort levels. Of course it would be illegal to run someone down who walked in front of your car because you had chosen to see that person as not existing, and of course if one of these people is actually dangerous, you can't ignore them. But any vile words coming from them are the words of a troubled mind. One must ask oneself, why am I troubled by these imaginary voices? As it would be detrimental to sanity to acknowledge these voices, said voices do not exist.

In most situations, psychological/psychic Betherell is far more effective than hate. It is placid neutrality and the attacker can't gain any kind of psychic or psychological stimulation from the fact that one is expending energy on hating him or her.

You need not love your enemy. But except in extreme circumstances, the most healthy course of action would seem to be to ignore, rather than hate them.

Warning

How dangerous is my current level of exhaustion?

I have fibromyalgia and my exhaustion heightens my pain and my pain heightens my exhaustion. My adrenals are fried right now. I find myself being paranoid and having very disturbing thoughts, filled with worry about those I care for. I feel hated, even by those that are supposed to love me. Although I have been under some attack from certain quarters for real and I am so sensitive to emotions, especially love and hate. Sensing strong hate actually hurts me physically.

Tonight as I was getting out of the car to bring in the fast food to feed the family as I was too burned out and exhausted to cook, I turned to see a dark, shadowy shape about six feet behind me. I sensed cold and although this being was eerie it wasn't evil. I felt warning from it. If I continue on as I am, I will be departing from the physical world.

That would be ok with me right now. I'm too tired to fight any more.

Modern Tools of Worship

I became concerned about the relatively low but nonetheless plausible danger of fire from burning jar candles near my Buddha and Tara statues on my makeshift altar at work. Today while shopping at the local natural foods and goods store, I found a truly fine item--a Himalayan salt lamp. It is beautiful and the material comes straight from the Earth, so it seemed a perfect solution.

The Wiccan part of my belief system includes acknowledging the Elementals. The four Earthly elements are Earth, Fire, Water and Air. The fifth element is Aether or Heaven.

The Earth elementals will like the lamp because salt is representative of Earth.

The Fire elementals will appreciate the light and the electricity that generates it.

However, it lacks the air and water elements.

I always have a glass of some sort of liquid around the altar area, either water or tea, occasionally juice, for the water elementals.

I will need to get an aroma diffuser to appeal to the air elementals since I am no longer using scented candles. Traditionally incense is used to invoke the air elementals, but it was entirely impractical to use incense in my situation, so I have never done so.

Thus, if you are concerned about the danger of fire or simply want to try something different in your worship, a salt lamp may be a new tool for you to consider.

Peace,

Lily