Positive Energy Appreciated

Please send some positive energy to my brother if you can spare a little. I know you don't know him of course but he will have to have back surgery this coming April. He is one of the Real Heroes, working as a firefighter and a paramedic and a SWAT medic. He injured his back when he came down off the fire engine and slipped. Right now he's getting cortisone shots to relieve the pain. Just wish I could do something more to help.

Give Me Something To Believe In

Cause I sure as hell can't believe in the mean, judgmental, insecure god that I grew up with.

Even if Yaweh turned out to be the only game in town, who the hell needs it?

"God is not in some building. God is in nature and God is in each of us."

--Gaahl (Gorgoroth)

"In this century the christian church has made a great effort to make people believe that tolerance was a christian virtue. However you only need to look at history to see that this is quite untrue."

From Grolheim.dk

"One should envision one's Gods as being at least as good as the best human beings. The best of us would not damn people for eternity for an honest difference of opinion or for petty faults. The best among us would not damn people for eternity at all. Judged by these criteria, the God of the fundamentalist Christians is unworthy of worship. In the unlikely event he is actually in charge, I would gladly go to hell with my head held high. At the same time, while I disagree with Christian teachings from their foundation myths on up, I am not going to attack something that brings hope, comfort and inspiration to people and makes them kinder and more honest human beings."

From the home page of Jordsvin, who seems a jolly good fellow! Loki sez: "Visit him, or else!" ;-)

In all truth, I am going through quite a rough spot right now. What makes it rougher is that the problem does not belong to me, it belongs to someone whom I would gladly take it from. In my youth I was taught that bad things happen to bad people and that we must beg the heavy-handed Almighty for forgiveness. I have become less and less tolerant of the heavy-handed almighty over the past few years. I actually relinquished my Catholicism when I was 18 and began exploring Pagan mysticism, but let's face it, Folks, once a Catholic always a Catholic, to an extent. The guilt is in you like an encapsulated virus and will resurface. When things get tough, the feeling that somehow you brought this on yourself by not being good enough will come and hit you upside the head with the force of 10 Mjollnirs.

I did not raise my son (the person going through the hard time) with the horrible, horrible Catholic guilt. He was always free to explore the possibilities. He doesn't adhere to any particular religion but his beliefs tend to be sort of a general Neopaganism mixed with Buddhism, the great thing about Buddhism being that it is a philosophy rather than a religion so it can fit in nicely with any religion. My son is thankfully free from the horrors that visit me, the fear that because of my abandonment of the rather mean-spirited dogma of my childhood, the fires of hell are awaitin' and there will be no butter in Hell!*

I end up on the defensive about being viewed as a "Satan Worshipper" even now. My son, on the other hand, rather than viewing Satan as the anti-good views him as a trickster deity, worthy of the same respect as any other deity. If you come to Satan asking him for something, he may very well give it to you. But there will always be a price, and I'm not talking about sacrificing your neighbor's dog or your neighbor. The true Satan is an intellectual deity who doesn't care one whit one way or another about such things. According to my son's view, Satan is in the same class as Set, Loki, and other trickster deities. Such deities know your mind, heart and soul. Be very, very careful about approaching such a being. They will not destroy you directly, but they may allow you to destroy yourself.

As well, Satan and Lucifer are two entirely different entities that are often confused. But this is an essay for another time.

For myself personally, when it comes to issues such as prosperity, I find that a deity such as Ganesha preferable to petition. Lord Ganesha is not going to grant petitions such as "make me the most richest beeyatch with the most bling so I can be better than everyone else" because that would be completely self-serving. He wants to know that your intentions are honorable, but generally he won't punish you for asking even if the request isn't entirely honorable. You really have to piss him off for him to get medieval on your ass.

However, I have digressed. My son, who is a very wise and kind soul, is going through great difficulty in his life at this time. Unfortunately people on both sides of his family are prone to mood disorders, and he is experiencing problems with severe social anxiety, which cause him to isolate himself, and which then contribute to major depression. He checked into the psych unit voluntarily because he was suicidal. I'm glad he did this, and the clinicians there seem very compassionate and humane, not like back in my day when I attempted suicide and this nurse told me "you're a freak and you'll always be a freak. People like you can never be normal." My retort was "well, I'd rather be a freak than a fucking bitch like you."

Thus, if anyone reading this would be so kind as to petition whichever Powers that Be that appeal to you, or simply send positive thoughts to my son Michael that he may be guided to recovery and to learn helpful coping skills to deal with his social anxiety, it is appreciated.

Blessed be,

Lily

*(disclaimer: I do not and will never have a problem with Jesus Christ, who was a kind and enlightened soul that wanted the best for people. I have a problem with the judgmental and intolerant institution that uses his name, and I feel that they sure as hell ain't asking themselves "what would Jesus do" when they pour their hateful diatribe upon the world. And I have a problem with the harsh, judgmental God of this church.)

Prayer

If I've been ignoring people's comments of late (publishing them and hoping to get back to them later) I apologize. My father has experienced a downturn in his health and my son will be flying to Ohio on Thursday to stay with his aunt for 2 weeks. I should get my ass over to the lab and let them draw my blood because my white cell count has been high for no real raisin for several months now, but I always end up unable to sleep decently in the morning and then I fall asleep and by the time I wake up the lab is closed. (I work nights, for those who don't know.)

I will explain things a bit regarding my father's health, for those that don't know the background of the situation.

Some of us age better than others. My mother is in quite good health. She just turned 69. She had a hip replacement 2 years ago and has mild osteoarthritis in some of her joints but all of her systems are "go."
My father, on the other hand, is 72 and looks like he's 92 and in poor health. His cardiovascular system is bad: he has atrial fibrillation. His arterial condition is bad: he has atherosclerosis. He has spinal stenosis. He had several smaller strokes before the large one that left him handicapped, although no-one caught them. These strokes are destroying his cognitive abilities. He still knows who everyone is but, for instance, can't remember the name of the town that I've lived in for the past 7 years. He is getting progressively worse and while I know that nothing can be done to make him better, it's hard to watch. I was brought up believing that when someone is hurt or ill, we pray for them. This is a pleasant idea in theory. But once I started seeing all the problems with the religion I was brought up with (Catholic) I began to shy away from it.
I don't mean to make it sound like I think prayer is stupid. Some people are comfortable with it and Larry Dossey, a medical doctor, has written several books on the helpful healing energies generated by prayer. This isn't prayer associated with any particular religion, just prayer with intent. I studied Dossey's theories while I was attending a Unitarian church. My problem with Unitarian churches is that it seems like from the perspective of a lot of today's Unitarians, if you have spiritual beliefs you are treated like an uncivilized, back-asswards bumpkin. I'm not an atheist either, so I guess I just can't win.

The late Rev. Joe Willis, who was the instructor of the courses, was not an atheist, he just believed in a more natural kind of "god" which was a creative energy and the energy of life. He wrote a book called Finding Faith in the Face of Doubt and it is worth reading.

I can't get down with the god that I grew up with. (Yaweh) I have trouble with that dude. Seems like he wants everyone's adulation and just isn't a very nice guy. Although who knows, maybe he's gotten some bad press due to the people who blindly worship him. Interestingly enough, Yaweh is actually a war god. So he's really good at smiting people. Not so good at the compassion thing, perhaps.
I think things go better for me when I turn to some sort of higher power, though. I feel at sea when I try to go with a cut and dry atheist kind of belief system, which doesn't work for me, although in the long run I actually believe that all things are scientific and a part of nature. Some of them simply can't be proven by science as we know it at this time. Ghosts, for instance, and higher types of spirits such as nature spirits and angels. Which may be the same thing, angels being a different kind of nature spirit associated with the etheric realm. Deities in this sense are also natural. They were referred to by the late metaphysician Al Manning as energy transmitter spirits. While Al went way out in left field on occasion and one of his former wives who is also a metaphysical practitioner, said that she was sure he was dealing with spirits but was fairly certain they weren't actually deities, I like his description of powerful energy transmitter spirits and I like to give credit where credit is due.

When I am in tune with these energy transmitter personalities, I tend to feel less alone and adrift. Usually I petition Tara, a Hindu mother goddess. She is kind and compassionate. I know that petitioning such a being does not mean that I will magically, like rubbing Alladin's lamp, get what I want. I don't think my father can be miraculously cured, for instance. Or I suppose he could, but it may not be in his best interest and it isn't likely to happen. However, petitioning or invoking these higher beings does help me feel at peace.

I think the best thing for my father would be to be at peace too, whatever that means in his case. So I ask for his suffering to cease. That may mean that he must leave his body. This would be difficult for me to deal with but on a logical level, what my mother said applies. It's like it isn't really him any more. It's as if he has been taken away and a sick, miserable, frightened old man has been left in his place. He's really not old enough to be falling apart like this, but for whatever reason, he is. So I ask Tara for compassion.

Death is not the end of the soul, it is the end of the body and a gateway to another level for the soul. This is my belief.

Blessings to all who read this.

Lily and friends