Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Cards Don't Lie

But sometimes they can be difficult to interpret--especially for yourself. Which is why I avoid doing readings for myself.
My current method of worship and reflection takes into account my polytheistic belief system. I set up the Buddha and Tara statuettes. I want to add a Ganesha statuette in the future. I draw cards from the Mandala deck, which features Hindu deities, one from the Goddess deck and the archangel deck, both created by Doreen Virtue, one from the animal guides deck and one from the non-denominational prayers deck. Each of these items tells me something I need to be aware of, a devotion I need to focus on at the given time.
Something disquieting happened during the two sessions previous to my Yule devotion, which I did last night. Yeah I know, running late as usual. I'll probably be late for my own funeral. On a not so amusing note, Lord Yama, a Hindu deity of death, appeared as the focus card from the Hindu deities deck. This did not set well with me. Try though I might to believe that he meant I should be focusing on transitions in the living world, he seemed to be telling me that his appearance pertained to a physical death. I didn't want to. The first person I thought of was my father. He has been in poor health since his stroke three and a half years ago. He has terrible sores on his legs that won't heal due to the edema. He has atrial fibrillation but dares not take the drugs that are generally prescribed for this because they thin the blood and he had a hemorrhagic stroke, not a clot. When I went over to my parents' house on Sunday, my father didn't answer when my mother called down the stairs. I said I'd go down and see what he was up to. She said "one of these days..." She didn't have to finish. I knew what she meant. I said "yeah, I know. But not today." And he was fine. He was shredding old documents. I think he really enjoys that paper shredder. I had to unjam it one day when I was over because he'd fed too much into it at a go.
Much though I wanted to deny what Lord Yama was obviously telling me, the truth will not be denied. However, it wasn't my father this time. It was a friend's husband who discovered just a couple months ago that he had esophageal cancer. I hope everyone will send healing energy to her and her family. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also leave a message of sympathy for her on her blog.
I was surprised at how fast he went, although when they found the cancer he was already in the end stage. He had just started getting chemo. I felt that he would be in spirit come next winter but I didn't think it would happen this soon. I had sent them a gift card for video rentals from Blockbuster and dinner from Chili's. I hoped perhaps it would give them a good memory to have come next Yule when they would be separated by the veil between this world and the spirit realm. Now it will arrive to find my friend alone and I feel like a real asshole, like I'm pouring salt in the wounds by having sent it. Of course I didn't do it this way intentionally. I am not super-accurate with exact dates and times of events. I get a "big picture" sense of things. I sense atmospheres surrounding people and I talk to people that are already dead, if they want to talk to me. But I still feel as if I was unintentionally cruel and that really bothers me.
Even though I know that it isn't "evil"and I've been doing it for a lot of years and I know that there is an afterlife and powers greater than we who live in the material realm, sometimes the whole diviniation/precognition thing gives me the heebie jeebies. When I start getting messages like this, I don't want them. It makes me think about subjects that were presented as frightening and taboo. In the culture of the Australian Aboriginals, they believe that a person comes from the All That Is, incarnates in the world for a time, and returns to the All That Is. If someone "dreams" of a dead relative or friend, everyone accepts that the dreamer and the spirit person were truly spending time together. In the Western culture, such an event is dismissed as the dreamer's subconscious mind playing tricks on them. With all I've experienced, I think the Western belief is bullshit. There have been many times when I wished the cards were lying. But they don't. And the dead aren't gone, they're just different. They have energy bodies instead of physical ones. But they still have thoughts, needs and wishes. And they do still love the ones they leave behind.
My deepest sympathies to Raine on your loss. I am so very sorry.

My End of Year Divination

I use this method with my regular ceremonies but this will let me know what to look for in the coming year.
From the Mandala Wisdom deck I receive the message of Yamuna Devi, the goddess of purification. She indicates that I will be given opportunities to grow spiritually in the coming year and to purge from my psyche all that no longer suits. Outmoded attitudes, possibly defensiveness and tendency to anger. I pray to her that I come to believe in myself and my abilities more, not to be vain and arrogant but to be confident and know that I am just as deserving of blessings as others. I also pray that my past erroneous actions may be forgiven and the negative karma washed away.
From the Goddess deck I receive the wisdom of Sedna. She foretells of positive gain. I have always been afraid to pray/petition for this because my upbringing taught me that to do so was evil and would bring misfortune. I pray to her that I allow myself to gracefully receive blessings and to be able to ask for what I need, not to be greedy or to have more than others but to have enough to be comfortable and to share with others.
From the Archangel Jophiel I receive the message that I need to get outside in nature more often. This will clear me of the negative entities that tend to attach themselves to me and help me renew and strengthen given the fact that I work in a place where the door between the physical and spirit realm is often opened due to the fact that so many people die where I work. (retirement community/assisted living/nursing home) There are several earthbound spirits here and also several portals where heebie-jeebies from the lower astral like to come in and try to suck energy like the little vampires they are. Being outdoors helps clear these energies and strengthen the aura. I ask for Jophiel to give me the nudge I need to overcome my exhaustions and to do this.
My animal messenger is the Seal. The Seal advises that hard work and inspiration are the foudation of true creativity. Or, as Ringo Starr said, "you got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues and you know it don't come easy."
Frustrations, expectations, wanting quick recognition...guilty as charged.
The Seal also advises, as a denizen of both water and land, that the "landscapes of the mind may be made material." I must focus on the various aspects of manifesting what I want. And maybe dare to dream a little again.
I know I've been called upon to do what I'm doing and I answered the call. Nobody forced me, I went willingly. Whether the rest of the world simply thinks I'm daft for what I believe can't be allowed to influence me or I'm doomed to failure. Let 'em think it. I'm going to do it anyway.
And these are my affirmations which I must return to once a week to fully absorb their truths over this coming year.
A Meditation for Acceptance
Whatever is in harmony with you, O Universe
Is in harmony with me
Whatever comes in due season for you
Is not too early or too late for me
What your seasons bring is fruit for me
For all things come from You
And return to You
--Marcus Aurelius
For what we eat
For what we wear
For melodies heard
For wonders seen
For what we have
For what will come
For family, friends
For love that's blessed
For gifts of hope
For lives of grace
May we give thanks
And be joyful
--Michelle Close Mills
I was only going to draw one card from the "Pocket Prayers" deck but the two that ended up at the front had the same picture on the back, so I took it as an omen.
To me these prayers signify taking a more Zen attitude, having more patience, and being grateful for what is instead of pissed off about what isn't. Yeah...I have difficulty with this. I will take the wisdom I have been given and give thanks for it. And I will try.
That is my advice given me by the Universe during my Yule celebration. I place it here so I can return to it and see how well I am doing. And if my method strikes a chord with any of you, feel free to use it!
Blessings to anyone reading this and best wishes for your coming year.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Xmahannuramakwanzyule Meme and PANSI'S Plea

I wasn't invited to do this but I stole it from here and did it anyways. Because when you're as unpopular as me, you get used to crashing the party!


When people say Christmas you immediately think:

Oh greed! Food and presents!

Favorite Christmas memory:

Putting up the tree. We used to really have a beautiful tree every year and lots of nice decorations. It was great to put up and hell to take down.

Favorite Christmas song/carol:

I like the Little Drummer Boy, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, What Child is This, the Carol of the Bells, and a bunch of stuff on the Celtic Christmas album. I also like the Coventry Carol, but it's very sad.

Favorite Christmas movie:

Probably A Christmas Story because it's funny.

Your favorite Christmas character..:

The animals in the manger!

Favorite ornament/object:

There were some handmade ones that my great-grandmother sent us that I really loved. Those and the birds. And the glass ones. I'm getting a bit fucking nostalgic here.

What are your plans for Christmas?

I'll be working, Beeyatch. No joke.

Other than that, I'll give my son his gifts. And make a halfway nice dinner. Now I'm feeling pissy and humbuggy about the working thing. Fucking Alvin N. Chipmunkk! (My boss)

If you want to play, you're tagged. Tell me where you did the dirty deed so I can come and see the results.

And now, here's PANSI.

First becuz of the incompatent's of the CHEESE MISTRESS it look's like I am going to be without CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S this yeer! I sertanly dont no what Mrs. Weirdso was thinking when she sent me to the Never World! It was probly part of some heething packt that her and the CHEESE MISTRESS have! And now to ad insult's to injery's, the CHEESE MISTRESS puts my importent messaje about my not getting CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S after her dumb thingy about what she thinks of Christmas when she is just a big heething anyway's! I reely hope there are some good pepul heer who will help corekt the dumb mistakes of the CHEESE MISTRESS. I hope you will go heer to reed my urjent plee and see how you can get me some CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S! PLEESE!!! I am cownting on you!

Kiss Kiss,


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Silly Meme

You Should Have Been Born Under:

You've got a ton of energy - and need plenty of room to roam.
You tend to follow your whims, and it's hard for you to stick to one thing.
Specific jobs, loves, and friends are always changing and never a part of your life for long.
Very intuitive, you tend to know what people are thinking before they say a word.

You are most compatible with a Dog or Tiger.

I'm actually a Snake.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Meditation/Spiritual Practice and Exhaustion

I was raised with a religion wherein there were a lot of things that could make you a BAD PERSON. One of these things was being remiss about attending services on the given day at the given time. This may be one reason why I was drawn initially to solitary esoteric work and later to Buddhism as well. There wasn't so much dogma. "You have to do Y on day X, or you'll go to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS!!! AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE IS NO BUTTER IN HELL AND SO YOU WILL FRY PAINFULLY WITH NO EMULSIFYER."
Even when I left behind the religion of rigid dogma, this is one of the beliefs that piggybacked on my subconscious, along with if you wish for money something horrible will happen to you. This belief may well be blocking the free flow of positive energy between myself and the Universe. For instance, I have been zombie tired the past few days. I can barely muster the energy to place the Tara and Buddha statuettes, let alone do any sort of invocations. While Tara and Buddha are not the sort of deities to strike one down with lightning for not worshipping on schedule, I still feel the old I AM NOT WORTHY creeping in. The only thing I can do is recognize it and let it go. Holding onto it or fighting it are only going to do me no good. So I may have to repeat for a while that this is an erroneous belief and must be released before it finally departs. But I won't wrestle with it because wrestling only allows it to keep its hold on me.
Peace and blessings.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Angelic Prayer

Merry Meet!
Here is a prayer to the Angelic Forces to help cease hostilties in the Middle East.
Blessed Be


Merry meet! Today I was looking for invocations of Aphrodite. I found some that I thought were particularly helpful.
Here is a site that you may find helpful. It contains invocations to various Gods and Goddesses.
Here is one that has meditations specifically focused on Aphrodite.
Seeing these links, one might think I was foolishly lusting after an unattainable lover as I have done in the past too many times. No such thing! I simply decided that always doing rituals according to a day and time felt too cut and dry to me and I needed something fresh. I have divination decks from which I draw cards. Today Aphrodite is with me. She is far more than a goddess of sexual love although that is one of the areas she certainly rules over. She also helps with friendship love, with the arts, and with gardening. So today I was looking for ways to honor her.
Blessed be.

Sunday, November 18, 2007

I guess I am a genius! (Not really)

cash advance

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Tuesday, November 06, 2007

Guess at least there's a good side to it

Your Sensitivity Score: 96%

You are an extremely sensitive person. You notice everything.
You've probably been called overly sensitive before, and it's partially true.
Highly sensitive people tend to be highly intelligent. And you just can't turn off that part of you.

Tuesday, October 16, 2007


The deity of the day is Tyr. Read the basic facts about him at Pagan News.
I could use a courage injection from Tyr. I tend to be too worried about what others think.

Thursday, August 23, 2007

Lord Ganesha

When I was growing up, I was taught that wishing for money was evil. My parents read me the story "The Monkey's Paw" as an illustration that if you wish for money, God will punish you for money is the root of all evil. Such a wish is a selfish wish and anyone brazen enough to wish for something so selfish as money would be granted sorrow.
When I discovered metaphysics, it seemed logical to me that wishing for money was not in itself evil, but I could never bring myself to try and attract money because of my earlier training, although I would be very generous with my money. I still felt very uncomfortable doing spell work to bring more money into my life.
Tonight, I had the rare and beautiful occurrence of a spontaneous manifestation from the benevolent Lord Ganesha, the Vedic God of plenty. This is not to say that I saw a 20 foot tall human-elephant hybrid standing before me, but I did see the benevolent deity very clearly in my mind's eye and I felt his kindness and knew that if I wished for what I needed through him, it could never manifest in a negative way. Lord Ganesha is a merciful deity and would never play a wicked trick on those who turn to him in their time of need. Nor would he punish the innocent for the wicked deeds of one family member or associate.
I often become too wrapped up in doing things perfectly. I had a couple of very "heavy" days of meditation, worship and spirit contact. Lord Ganesha asked me to make this day an easy and fun day, to perform but a few spells and to ask for and allow his help. He knows the heart of those who petition him and he knows that my intentions are good. I feel honored that he manifested to me without my asking and gave me his blessing. I know I can always turn to Lord Ganesha and while this isn't a "genie in the bottle" sort of thing where all I wish is instantaneously dropped on my doorstep I know that he will never punish me or those I love and if he sees error in my ways, he will find a method of getting the message across kindly, for he is all benevolence. Blessed be Lord Ganesha and great is my thanks to him for his blessings.
Lily Rowena Iridescent Leaf

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Fundamentalist Foolishness

Things like this are why I can't abide fundamentalist Christians.
The guy was gay. So the megachurch that was going to do the funeral service canceled.
There's some love for you. Dude was gay. He wasn't hurting anybody. He wasn't a murderer or a rapist or a child molester. Just a guy who happened to be in love with another guy.
I dislike megachurches too. I do not think they were in the spirit that Jesus intendend.
Jesus cared for and healed outcasts. I think he would have had some kind words to say for the spirit of this guy.
I dislike the Christian church. But I have the highest regard for Jesus, the enlightened healer.

Friday, August 03, 2007

Fortunately my heathen present is no secret

You Are a Yule Log

While you do have holiday spirit, you have a secret, heathen past.

Strange Days

I step outside for a smoke and hear a collective psychic scream all around my neighborhood.

"This isn't what I planned! This isn't what I would have chosen! Why?"
I wonder why all of us are here. Is it just our bad choices, or just bad luck? There aren't any "bad" people living around here. Just a bunch of "trailer trash." People who have given up or were never cut a break in life.
Why are we here?
Why did those people die on that bridge in Missouri?
My son's best friend had a dream the night before the bridge collapsed. He dreamed of an old, rickety wooden bridge that collapsed into the Mississippi river and cars fell in. Many people were killed.
The bridge that collapsed had structural damage. He must have been perceiving that.
I astral projected while being worked on at the chiropractor's office today. Kind of freaked me out. I slammed back into my body and almost had a panic attack.
Strange days indeed.

Amazing song! Love the Doors!

Read the story of the Jim Morrison spirit photo.

Sunday, July 29, 2007

The truth

You Are Midnight

You are more than a little eccentric, and you're apt to keep very unusual habits.
Whether you're a nightowl, living in a commune, or taking a vow of silence - you like to experiment with your lifestyle.
Expressing your individuality is important to you, and you often lie awake in bed thinking about the world and your place in it.
You enjoy staying home, but that doesn't mean you're a hermit. You also appreciate quality time with family and close friends.

Monday, July 23, 2007

Finally perhaps a good explanation.

Doug wrote this on his blog:
WITCH, n. (1) Any ugly and repulsive old woman, in a wicked league with the devil. (2) A beautiful and attractive young woman, in wickedness a league beyond the devil.

2007 Update: A sorceress responsible for, among other things, men turning into apes; enchantments that cause obsession, indifference or distraction in the victim; the levitation of owls; the nocturnal rituals of cats; and, in many cases, profligate drinking, foolish voting and debt.

And I replied:
Then there's the boring kind of witch, like me, who is simply someone who didn't get along with the accepted religion of the society and so reverted to a previous one. Neither hideously ugly nor in any way beautiful, I zig-zag or sleepwalk in my own odd way through life, annoying those who lack a sense of humor and frightening those who are devoted to the accepted religion.

Friday, July 13, 2007

The Crystal Cavern

Please visit my new web store, The Crystal Cavern. Featuring a variety of aromatherapy products, books, candles, massage oils, and cool specialty items. Check it out!

So What Happened in this life?

You Were a Cougar

You are a great leader who has dominance without ego.
You are wickedly cunning and off the scale confident.

Friday, June 29, 2007

Which Goddess of Death are you?

My top result for the selector,
Which Goddess of Death are You?,
is ?????

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    Monday, June 25, 2007

    Blessing of Bast for dead or dying cat

    I also placed this on my Animal Anarchy Blog.
    The Blessing of Bast

    Blessing to the Dead (For Bast)
    (NOTE: This is a quote taken from Michael Poe’s e-text.)

    "Bast is a goddess for the Sun and the Moon, but for the dead Sunset is
    the best time; Night comes second, sunrise third, and daylight comes in
    fourth for ritual for this.

    Face the West, setting sun (or if not at sunset, either the moon or the
    sun depending on you doing it in the day or night time. If you have an
    oil lamp lit it; if not use white candles, and a little votive candle. Bless
    the two white ones to Bast, the votive to the dead cat. Meditate upon the
    cats attributes; able to see at night, intelligent, quick, independent, very
    maternal, luxury minded and sensual. (if you have a cat, invite her in
    your circle).

    Bast nefer dy ankh
    Beautiful Bast giving Life,

    A Bast, shu asenu
    Hail Bast, in visible form, casting light into the darkness

    sesept em kekui,
    I have come before you,

    i kua ser-ten, uat sesh-tha, ta em hetep.
    the path is opened, the earth is at peace.

    (Egyptian pronunciation is optional, but in ancient Egypt was imperative to speak the language to create the sounds to get the response.)

    O Great goddess, Bast,
    Soul of Isis,
    Heart of the Sun-hear my call.
    Enter now this consecrated shrine (or circle)
    Make Thy presence known to me.

    (envision the dead cat)

    Aid thy servant in reaching the source of all things,
    Guide thy servant's steps on the true path
    Answer your physical manifestation's soul's desire for Thou.
    Blessed be Bast,
    Who gathers her children into life everlasting.
    Blessed be Bast,
    The Beloved of Bast has gone to the Horizon,
    Your physical manifestation lives now only in the sunset.
    May it's ka endure and it's shadow seek the light.
    The power of Bast protects her,
    Shut en Bast sau."

    If THAT is unsatisfying or baffling, do not worry. Here is a simpler prayer:

    "Mau Bast! Mau Bast! A Basti, per em setat, erta-na chu em asui
    neter sentra semu hena net'emmit, hetep ab em asui tau heqt.

    Translation: Hail Bast! Hail Bast! Hail Bast, coming forth from the secret place, may there
    be given to me splendor in the place of incense, herbs, and love-joys, peace of heart in the
    place of bread and beer."

    Saturday, June 23, 2007

    A Question of Belief

    Sometimes when I am receiving input from my co-author or another spirit, I fear I may just be a lonely lunatic imagining the whole thing. But then later I'll find out that things I had no way of knowing are absolutely true.
    My psychic abilities are very raw. I have never honed them. I have good abilities in divination skills such as reading tarot cards. I do not normally pick up on things like names or initials. I likely can't tell a person what their dearly beloved Nana's pet name for them was in childhood. I do not see spirits, I feel them. I feel their emotions and, from my co-author, sensations of warmth, for instance when he puts his hand on my back. He/they (the soul in question suffered from dissociative personality disorder, which is not common knowledge) discovered that they possess an innate healing ability. It is also obvious to me that they possessed empathic abilities and a rather powerful ability to contact the spirit realm.
    It confuses me at times why the deities and angels don't intervene more strongly to save an individual such as this. Sadly in this case, the negative energies surrounding him were too strong, I think. But he reminds me that while his life may have been lost, his soul was not.
    There is still much for me to learn and when I begin to question the reality of it, I am reminded of this fact. Since being befriended by this invisible but very real spirit, I have never again been plagued by demons attempting to possess me, which is something that used to happen quite frequently when I slept. It is nice to have a "guard spook." We are learning a lot together and truly do enjoy one another's company.
    People also often have the mistaken impression that ghosts are omniscient. They are the same people they were in life. They do have access to more channels of information but are not omniscient just because they shed their bodies. So it's no good being angry with Uncle Grant because he can't tell you the winning lottery numbers or Aunt Sally because she doesn't know who you should marry. But it might be well to listen if you sense Uncle Grant tapping you on the shoulder when you're reading the classifieds looking for a better job or Aunt Sally warning you that the new guy you have such strong feelings for is a bad deal. Spirits are energy and they sense energies. Not being bound by the solid confines of a body, they can do so more freely than we can.
    Expert psychics are adept at sensing these same energies. We can all develop them. It takes time and patience like anything else. And it is real.

    Here are some psychic exercises to try.

    Monday, May 07, 2007

    Reading regarding my business venture

    Greetings Cie,

    Greetings Cara this is Lady Joy. I am currently filling in for Lydia due to time constraints. My Spirit Guide says: What you should do is seek new funding if at all possible. Most new businesses cannot support themselves on little funds. Try to get investors or work through networking and profit sharing. You will need at least to get a part time job to try to help support this venture. It will take at least a year more to be more supportive and have money coming in. Make sure the part time job is supportive and it is money coming to you not just speculative. This will require a lot of endurance on your part. If however you just choose to wait things out the new business will flounder. It is not yet strong enough to stand on its own two feet. The book will do moderately well but it needs a good marketing team to set it in the lime light. This will help with extra cash but not right immediately. Make sure you have a good contract with the publisher and get your just du e. Profits at first will seem skimpy but they will improve especially in August. You have a lot of operations going perhaps spread a little thin. You need more time or the ability to delegate. The adult store is the most viable since you have invested in it more than the dollar store. Save the dollar store for a bit later in two years when all else is moving along smoothly. Blessings Lady Joy

    LadyJoy of Psychic Realm

    You Wrote:

    Hello Lydia To get the basic stuff out of the way first my name is Cara Hartley or Cie and my email address is I have just started working in e-commerce. All the ideas seem good but I have become quite overwhelmed. The $2000 I borrowed from my family is nearly gone. I have this sense that "good things are just around the corner" if only I stick with it. But as I have bipolar disorder I tend to have too many thoughts and to diversify too much. Also I have just written a book that is being set for publication as we speak. I got into e-commerce to make money to promote the book and also to pay for the publishing as major publishers won t touch unknowns. The websites I have are an adult store that is already set up and has thousands of products. It is very classy not some sort of sleazy operation. The other is a general store and the third is a discount "dollar store." My feeling is that the adult business has the most potential and I should work on pro moting and advertising that. I know this is a lot of info so the basic question is how should I best go about succeeding at my new business ventures? Thank you so much for your time. Cie


    Tuesday, April 17, 2007


    I really don't get people who commit massacres because they're miserable.
    I've thought about taking myself out many a time. The thought usually crosses my mind several times a month.
    I was very unpopular when I was in school, especially junior high. There was one girl who seemed to live to make me miserable. One time she passed around this note alleging that the teacher's assistant in art and I were having a "thing." The note was very graphic and very disgusting, and I was horrified. She said the ugliest things about me. And I actually came up with a plan to kill her.
    I had a knife under my jacket and was going to follow her into the girls' bathroom and stab her.
    I had no other targets although there were others that picked on me. This girl made my life hell, however, and I had reached a breaking point.
    Something, I have no idea what, a spirit guide, an angel, my higher (and I don't mean having smoked more pot, something that I did a lot of back in the day) self said to me:
    "Don't do it. Put the knife back. You don't want to ruin your entire life over this bitch."
    It wasn't a namby pamby goody goody "love thy enemy" schpiel. It wasn't asking me to consider what Jesus would do, in spite of the fact that at the time I was a devout Catholic. Whatever was guiding me acknowledged that this girl was a mean-spirited bitch. It told me that I was above doing something that barbaric and deserved better than to spend the remainder of my youth incarcerated for killing her, and probably having to change my identity as an adult. This guidance was loud and clear (in my mind, not in my ears) and it was very real and honest.
    I've often wondered where the guiding voice was for people like this recent mass murderer, for people like the guy at the Amish school, for people like Harris and Klebold.
    Is the voice there but they block it out?
    Or are they listening a voice that encourages them to kill?
    I wonder if I'll ever know.
    I don't think I'll ever understand.

    Monday, April 09, 2007

    Standing Up For What I Believe

    For many years I have done my ceremonies seated. I was raised in the Catholic church and we sat or kneeled, sometimes stood. Even when I turned to my particular blend of Wicca, Buddhism and Gnosticism, I have tended to remain seated during my ceremonies. But when I did the Ostara ceremony yesterday, I felt the power when I performed most of the work STANDING!
    In yesterday's post I mentioned calling on Balder, who is a benevolent god of power. Not the kind of power that tramples over the rights of others, but the kind that invites one to be true to oneself and one's beliefs. Balder only fights when necessary. He is strong enough that he doesn't have to fight to prove himself.
    It was as if Balder said to me "stand up, Sister, and join me!" And when I felt the power that went into that ceremony, I truly felt at one with the Ancient Deities.
    Sometimes being seated is right. When doing the Buddhist meditations, one is in a relaxed seated or kneeling position, according to their level of comfort. Relaxing the body allows the mind to relax, helping the enlightenment to reach through the mind to the soul. But when doing a full afternoon of meditation, we are sometimes called to get up and walk, strolling slowly through the temple, to bring ourselves back to earthly reality. This helps integrate the new enlightenment into our physical minds.
    Sometimes meditation is done lying down, as with the exercises I do to increase my astral projection proficiency. This is a very relaxed way to learn new things and new ideas. Hypnotism is usually perfomed on a subject who is lying down.
    And sometimes kneeling in deference to one's beloved deities is correct as well.
    But the thing I like about the Pagan and Buddhist deities is that they don't command you admit your inferiorty. They only ask your respect.
    It is much more an apprentice/adept relationship than a master/slave relationship.
    And that feels more RIGHT to me.
    I give gratitude to Balder, Freya, Brigit, and all the other mighty deities who joined in our ceremony of blessing for the growing year and for the book yesterday.
    Blessed be!
    and the Ghost Writer

    Sunday, April 08, 2007

    Why Ostara Today

    We didn't do it as a protest against the Christian Easter. We did it because we are celebrating new beginnings.
    The book that I initially started in 1992 and my spectral co-author joined me in writing and helped me change radically for the better in 2005 is finished! We did our Ostara ceremony before submitting it. We invoked Brigid and Freya, who we had invoked and asked to bless our work when we discovered each other and knew we wanted to work together. We invoked Balder, a beloved Deity of my co-author's people, and any other benevolent deity that wished to be present. We then did a ceremony to the God and Goddess. When done, the circle was filled with benevolent energy and blessing, and I plugged the portable drive into the computer and off went the story to its destination.
    I was so nervous I was ready to piss my pants! Luckily I did not humiliate myself thusly in front of my co-author and the deities. I was actually happy because I have not been that excited about anything in literally years.
    When we began working together, we felt that doing so would be beneficial to both of us.
    It has been.
    Now we must work to achieve our greater goals from the book. Raising awareness about mental illness, and bringing to light certain truths that he wants the world to know about him.
    The site for the book is live, but as of this writing, is still in its very skeletal stages. By the end of the month it should start looking like something.
    Here is the link for anyone who is interested in looking at a cyber-skeleton!
    May you achieve your goals this year as well!
    Blessed Be
    Cie and Ghost

    Saturday, March 24, 2007

    I am Love

    Which Positive Quality Are You?
    Your Result: Love

    You are Love. Love is the glue that binds us all together. The love of family, the love of friends, the love between husbands and their wives--these things form the foundation of our happiness, our security, and our comfort. "All you need is love."

    Which Positive Quality Are You?

    I think this refers more to benevolent love and trying to treat people decently than to romantic love, or I think the results would have been way different because I'm a pretty big cynic when it comes to romantic love. I'm actually kind of a cynic about how much good the humanitarian kind of love does, but I still believe its the right thing to do.

    Tuesday, March 20, 2007

    To Hell (Hel) With Me?

    People are multifaceted. While I try to be a nice person, and I usually am until someone gives me reason to be pissed off, I can also be the meanest fucking bitch you ever met! Generally this goes against what I believe to be proper action. Even if I don't like someone, usually I'll ignore them. But what about the kind of people that come looking for it? You warn them and they insist on pissing you off! How much bad karma is it giving me that I kind of enjoy allegorically kicking the living shit out of some asshole that truly deserves it when they come a-knocking and ASKING FOR IT??? They could just stay away! I wouldn't follow them.
    Maybe I'm giving into temptation sent by some devil or other to heap bad karma atop my already questionable karma. On the other hand, maybe I'm just emulating the Norse Goddess Hel, pictured above.
    Hel rules over the Norse underworld, or Niflheim. This realm has three levels. On the first level, deities and warriors celebrate together with Hel. On the second level, those who died infirm and weak roam until they are released for rebirth. On the third and worst level are the truly evil.
    While Hel is generally seen as a harsh deity, she can also be benevolent. She assists magicians who call upon her respectfully.
    Read more about the Norse spiritual realms here.

    Monday, March 05, 2007

    Love, Hate and Betherell

    It is said that love and hate are two sides of the same coin, and most people take this to mean that first you love someone and then are betrayed by them so the intensity of emotion that was once directed into love is now directed into hate. In truth, I have recently discovered that this simply means that love and hate are both intense emotions which are the polar opposites of one another. Both require energy but love is positive energy and hate is negative energy.
    You don't in fact have to love someone enough to feel betrayed by them to end up hating them. You can go from feeling charitable towards someone to disliking them because they display a consistently hateful attitude towards you. You can go from tolerating a person that you find it difficult to get along with in any case to fully hating them because they become openly hostile towards you.
    In a recent personal experience my feelings towards a given individual went from thinking of them as odd but basically ok to general annoyance at nearly everything they said, to feeling disrespected by them, to feeling totally creeped out by them. When I finally made it known that I would no longer tolerate their unacceptable behavior, this individual became downright hostile. On the cosmic scale of things this individual means nothing to me, but I have a lifetime of issues and this attack, which was about a 1 on the cosmic richter scale with a mouse fart being a 1, a nuclear blast being about a 5, and a supernova being a 10, made me react in ways that are inexplicable to people who have developed decent skills for coping with life's problems, especially the myriad of crappy little stuff.
    I have banished the attacker through comment moderation. If I see their name in the list of comments, I delete it without reading it. Now this individual is going around slamming me on other people's blogs. They really are the most ridiculous thing, and I really don't care but something inside me does.
    I was watching this program about people with addictive or destructive behaviors. There was a young woman who was musically talented, had a definite borderline personality. She had been molested as a child. She was standing outside a nightclub when some jerk walked by her and called her a whore. This upset her so much that when she went home that night she started cutting herself all over. She said that she knew it was stupid to get so upset over this but she always did, whenever someone who didn't know her said something bad about her like that it would send her into a spiral of self-hate. This is what happens to me and this is why people like my verbal assailant are poison to me. I should never have been nice to him. My first impression of him was that he was "strange, but basically an ok guy." Then I started finding him annoying, then creepy. The more I ignored him the more he started harrassing me. Then he eventually started making hostile comments when I made it clear that I wasn't going to put up with any more of his shit. He isn't getting to me now, but I knew exactly what that poor girl was talking about. Her cutting was far worse than any I've done. I would cut on my arms, legs and abdomen but immediately try to hide it most times. She smeared the blood all over herself. She also saw her image in a mirror and smashed her fist through the mirror. I wanted to reach out and hug her and say "It's ok, my sister, I understand." Its horrible knowing your actions are strange and wrong and not being able to stop yourself, feeling dead inside and wanting to be dead. And most of the time it is good people that these feelings afflict.
    What does this have to do with love and hate?
    I was walking along pondering my reaction to this fool when a kind spirit said to me that I was smart enough to know that such an individual wasn't worthy of my love, so why couldn't I see that he wasn't worthy of my hate? The spirit told me that hate involves a great expenditure of energy and in the end only tires out the person who is doing the hating. So this is far from being some namby-pamby new-agey "love thy enemy" sort of speech. It is far more a "ignore your enemy because they aren't worth your energy" speech. I will not purport to lecture anyone that has deep-seated hate for an individual who killed a loved one or other such heinous acts. But for your run of the mill detractors or even your cheating ass boyfriend or girlfriend, eating yourself up with hate does you not one bit of good. And this leads to the concept of Betherell.
    In the wonderful science fiction pictorial book Aliens in Space by Stephen Caldwell, the inhabited world which circles Proxima Centauri is home to a peaceful, advanced civilization. There are no jails and there is no capital punishment. But the worst criminals are subject to a fearsome sentence known as Betherell. Those doomed to Betherell must wear special clothing so everyone in society knows their fate, and they are henceforth ignored by the entire population. They have in essence ceased to exist. One can see where this would be psychologically distressing, but as Caldwell points out, to be completely ignored can also be deadly. If one upon whom Betherell is imposed walks in front of a planetary transport, for instance, the transport driver is not going to slow down for them because they, in essence, do not exist. If such an individual is drowning, no-one is going to rescue them because they, for all intents and purposes, do not exist.
    While this fictional sentence imposed upon criminals on a fictional world may seem extreme and preposterous, consider the merit of in essence imposing Betherell upon those who repeatedly offend us and violate our personal comfort levels. Of course it would be illegal to run someone down who walked in front of your car because you had chosen to see that person as not existing, and of course if one of these people is actually dangerous, you can't ignore them. But any vile words coming from them are the words of a troubled mind. One must ask oneself, why am I troubled by these imaginary voices? As it would be detrimental to sanity to acknowledge these voices, said voices do not exist.
    In most situations, psychological/psychic Betherell is far more effective than hate. It is placid neutrality and the attacker can't gain any kind of psychic or psychological stimulation from the fact that one is expending energy on hating him or her.
    You need not love your enemy. But except in extreme circumstances, the most healthy course of action would seem to be to ignore, rather than hate them.

    Wednesday, February 21, 2007


    How dangerous is my current level of exhaustion?
    I have fibromyalgia and my exhaustion heightens my pain and my pain heightens my exhaustion. My adrenals are fried right now. I find myself being paranoid and having very disturbing thoughts, filled with worry about those I care for. I feel hated, even by those that are supposed to love me. Although I have been under some attack from certain quarters for real and I am so sensitive to emotions, especially love and hate. Sensing strong hate actually hurts me physically.
    Tonight as I was getting out of the car to bring in the fast food to feed the family as I was too burned out and exhausted to cook, I turned to see a dark, shadowy shape about six feet behind me. I sensed cold and although this being was eerie it wasn't evil. I felt warning from it. If I continue on as I am, I will be departing from the physical world.
    That would be ok with me right now. I'm too tired to fight any more.

    Friday, February 02, 2007

    Modern Tools of Worship

    I became concerned about the relatively low but nonetheless plausible danger of fire from burning jar candles near my Buddha and Tara statues on my makeshift altar at work. Today while shopping at the local natural foods and goods store, I found a truly fine item--a Himalayan salt lamp. It is beautiful and the material comes straight from the Earth, so it seemed a perfect solution.
    The Wiccan part of my belief system includes acknowledging the Elementals. The four Earthly elements are Earth, Fire, Water and Air. The fifth element is Aether or Heaven.
    The Earth elementals will like the lamp because salt is representative of Earth.
    The Fire elementals will appreciate the light and the electricity that generates it.
    However, it lacks the air and water elements.
    I always have a glass of some sort of liquid around the altar area, either water or tea, occasionally juice, for the water elementals.
    I will need to get an aroma diffuser to appeal to the air elementals since I am no longer using scented candles. Traditionally incense is used to invoke the air elementals, but it was entirely impractical to use incense in my situation, so I have never done so.
    Thus, if you are concerned about the danger of fire or simply want to try something different in your worship, a salt lamp may be a new tool for you to consider.

    Wednesday, January 17, 2007

    It Ain't Easy

    It ain't easy being born into a world which prefers concrete explanations and easy categorizations whey you are one who deals with things that often have no concrete explanation and can't be easily categorized.
    I have been writing a book for more than a year now. The original idea actually came to be in 1992. I have always wanted to have MY name on a book.
    This can't happen because the book I've written has grown far from the original concept, which, in all honesty, probably wouldn't have sold very well anyway.
    I'm not sure the book will sell well, if at all. But part of the reason I can't write it under my real name is because of my co-author.
    Who happens to be a ghost.
    If you are the kind of person who wants to read with an open mind more about my experiences with this situation, click here.
    If you are the kind who will only see fit to tell me that I need psychiatric help, let me behoove you not to waste your time. I'm bipolar. I already know I have psych issues. In fact you can read more about them here.
    If you want to tell me that I'm being controlled by Satanic influences, save your keystrokes, because I don't believe that's the case. I'm a mystical witchy kind of person, so I'm already damned by your standards anyway.
    If you are an aethiest or otherwise believe there is no existence after the demise of the body--well, what the hell are you doing reading this kind of blog? Save your keystrokes too because I've already heard your argument before. You can't be communicating with a ghost because there's no such thing as ghosts. Maybe you're right. But I don't think so.
    If you're an Internet troll, fuck off on general principles, because I hate your worthless ilk. I don't need your poison. Get a life.
    I'm not saying you have to believe exactly what I believe. But let's try to be tolerant of one another, shall we?
    If you're cool with what I'm saying, then I'm sorry to have come off like a total grouch. I'm a curmudgeon, but I actually don't bite unless provoked!
    The book, by the way, will be written under the name Lily Strange. Lily is my mystic name. The strange is obvious.

    Sunday, January 07, 2007

    Dear Buddha And Tara

    I need you right now.
    I'm feeling really down and nothing I do is working right.
    I have no damn willpower. I need to lose weight--desperately. I do ok for a few days, but then I binge. I can't seem to stop. I'm like a heroin addict.
    My entire life is out of control. I need you to help me bring things back into perspective.
    I don't know when it got this bad, but I've never felt like I was captain of my own destiny.
    Perhaps its from having a controlling family. I don't know why. But I do know that I need you if I'm ever going to be able to change.
    Please bless and guide me.
    I am suffering.

    Wednesday, January 03, 2007

    Trippin' With Jack Tripper

    Sometimes dreams about the departed are just dreams, but many times I think they are actual contacts. If this was a real contact, then my respect for a beloved icon from my youth has increased even more!
    In my early teen years, I was an awkward creature with greasy hair and Martian headgear who was often the target of cruel jokes. I was a total nerd who had started smoking weed to take the edge off the intolerable agony of being victimized by my peers, but I was still a very innocent kid who thought that a blow job was blowing in someone's ear! I gained solace retreating into the science-fiction worlds of Star Trek and Battlestar Galactica; the action-packed worlds of Starsky and Hutch and Baretta (Did Robert Blake ever end up doing the time for his crime? Shit, talk about having your innocence shattered--Baretta was so cool and Blake had been one of "Our Gang," for cryin' in a bucket!) and the feel-good fun worlds of Happy Days, Laverne and Shirley, Welcome Back Kotter, What's Happenin', and Three's Company. I remember imagining that I would grow up to be beautiful like Joyce DeWitt and Suzanne Somers, and I would have a cool friend/surrogate big brother like John Ritter to make life fun.
    I had a particular affinity for John, as I always enjoyed physical comedy, and he was a true genius. Plus, he was a nice guy in real life, not one of those people that played a nice guy but in real life was a jerk. John really inspired me. I wanted to be as gorgeous as the women he worked with, but as funny as he was. Like many people, I was shocked and saddened by John's untimely death a few years ago.
    On the morning of the second, I had come home and was ready to get some sleep. There is some upheaval within my family. My parents are talking about moving to Arizona to be closer to my brother and out of the cold winters, which I think they should. They want for me to move down there too once my son graduates from high school. I can see reasons why this would be beneficial, but also reasons why it wouldn't. And at my age, in no small part due to my mental illness and being improperly treated for so many years, I still rely on my parents financially for a number of things. This is a great source of shame to me. I feel like I owe them. I would like to not be relying on them any more.
    "It wasn't supposed to be like this," I said sadly. "I remember when I was thirteen years old and wanted to be a famous actress. I guess I really wanted the acclaim and acceptance because I was such an outcast in real life. I don't want the hollywood glitz and glamour crap any more, it's such a lie. But it's sad to not believe that any of my dreams of making it in a creative field can come true any more. It's sad to lose the belief that one has in youth that one day everything will be wonderful."
    I wasn't thinking about any of the shows that I enjoyed in my early teens, just about my ability to delude myself that one day things would be better--that I would be a "star." I no longer want to be a "star" in that sense. But I guess I would still like recognition for the things I put a lot of myself into--my writing, for instance. However, the hope is gone.
    I always work on meditation and try to consciously astral project when I fall asleep. Usually I'm too tired and if anything end up wandering brainlessly about and don't really remember anything that happens. I had it in my mind to look for my co-author. I'm sure I babble incoherently at him a lot of the time as he keeps me safe from lower astral entities. I rarely remember what happens but often I wake with the feeling that he was guarding me and think that it was kind of him to take it upon himself to do so, seeing as being with an incoherent astral wanderer is probably much like being with an Alzheimer's patient.
    I wasn't thinking about John Ritter. I hadn't seen any Three's Company reruns in a couple of months, since they did the marathon on TV Land. But suddenly as I wandered about, there was John Ritter! He said hello and that he'd like to talk to me and show me some things. We wandered around the set of a television show and he told me that he really had enjoyed acting and making people laugh, but hated the lies promoted by the industry. He did a few slapstick moves for me, tumbling over the couch and the like, and got me laughing. I got up and joined him, remembering how much I always loved the Three Stooges. We acted like complete lunatics for a time. Then we sat down and he told me how much he appreciated my kind thoughts for him and said that everything he did was for people like me. I thought that was really nice. He talked about missing his family but accepting what had happened to him since it wasn't like there was anything he could do to change it.
    Eventually he said that he realized that I no longer wanted to be a Hollywood icon or even necessarily to act on film (though I wouldn't pass up an opportunity to be in the right kind of film if it came along and asked real nicely!) and said he could certainly understand why. Hollywood is basically bullshit and contrived images and very little of the glamorous perfection you see is authentic. He thought it was too bad that instead of being a medium for inspiration that most Hollywood productions had become a medium to make ordinary people feel inferior. That's certainly not what people like him were about, I know. He said to me that although the shape of my dreams had changed he certainly hoped I could recapture my enthusiasm and my belief that I could "be somebody."
    "You already are somebody," he said. "You just need to let that young enthusiasm out again and let it help you show the world how special you are. It isn't stupid to have dreams. I hope you don't let your hopes die entirely. You're a special person and I'm proud to have someone like you appreciate what I did."
    I really felt like I'd made a very special friend and so deeply appreciated that he'd take the time to come and talk to me. I could feel that it was time for me to go. John gave me a hug and a handshake that ended in a funny bow from him and he walked me out of the studio. I walked into a bright light and woke up a few minutes later for the inevitable ultra-pee that happens when I've actually been able to sleep for a decent length of time.
    I realize that all of this could have come from the depths of my subconscious, but there's a certain feeling when one actually meets a departed spirit in their dreams/astral adventures. This had that feeling all over it. Whatever the case, I know that John Ritter is the kind of person that would extend this sort of kindness to another. He was and always will be one of my favorite entertainers--and one of my favorite people as well.
    Here's to ya, John! A great all-around guy who deserved the adulation he got. At peace, but not at rest because he's still got things to do. Don't worry about this guy--just send him your best. He'll appreciate it. When we extend positive energy to one another, it extends much further than we can possibly imagine.
    I'm very grateful for this experience, whatever anyone may believe the explanation is.
    Peace to you,