Tuesday, December 25, 2007
But sometimes they can be difficult to interpret--especially for yourself. Which is why I avoid doing readings for myself.
My current method of worship and reflection takes into account my polytheistic belief system. I set up the Buddha and Tara statuettes. I want to add a Ganesha statuette in the future. I draw cards from the Mandala deck, which features Hindu deities, one from the Goddess deck and the archangel deck, both created by Doreen Virtue, one from the animal guides deck and one from the non-denominational prayers deck. Each of these items tells me something I need to be aware of, a devotion I need to focus on at the given time.
Something disquieting happened during the two sessions previous to my Yule devotion, which I did last night. Yeah I know, running late as usual. I'll probably be late for my own funeral. On a not so amusing note, Lord Yama, a Hindu deity of death, appeared as the focus card from the Hindu deities deck. This did not set well with me. Try though I might to believe that he meant I should be focusing on transitions in the living world, he seemed to be telling me that his appearance pertained to a physical death. I didn't want to. The first person I thought of was my father. He has been in poor health since his stroke three and a half years ago. He has terrible sores on his legs that won't heal due to the edema. He has atrial fibrillation but dares not take the drugs that are generally prescribed for this because they thin the blood and he had a hemorrhagic stroke, not a clot. When I went over to my parents' house on Sunday, my father didn't answer when my mother called down the stairs. I said I'd go down and see what he was up to. She said "one of these days..." She didn't have to finish. I knew what she meant. I said "yeah, I know. But not today." And he was fine. He was shredding old documents. I think he really enjoys that paper shredder. I had to unjam it one day when I was over because he'd fed too much into it at a go.
Much though I wanted to deny what Lord Yama was obviously telling me, the truth will not be denied. However, it wasn't my father this time. It was a friend's husband who discovered just a couple months ago that he had esophageal cancer. I hope everyone will send healing energy to her and her family. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also leave a message of sympathy for her on her blog.
I was surprised at how fast he went, although when they found the cancer he was already in the end stage. He had just started getting chemo. I felt that he would be in spirit come next winter but I didn't think it would happen this soon. I had sent them a gift card for video rentals from Blockbuster and dinner from Chili's. I hoped perhaps it would give them a good memory to have come next Yule when they would be separated by the veil between this world and the spirit realm. Now it will arrive to find my friend alone and I feel like a real asshole, like I'm pouring salt in the wounds by having sent it. Of course I didn't do it this way intentionally. I am not super-accurate with exact dates and times of events. I get a "big picture" sense of things. I sense atmospheres surrounding people and I talk to people that are already dead, if they want to talk to me. But I still feel as if I was unintentionally cruel and that really bothers me.
Even though I know that it isn't "evil"and I've been doing it for a lot of years and I know that there is an afterlife and powers greater than we who live in the material realm, sometimes the whole diviniation/precognition thing gives me the heebie jeebies. When I start getting messages like this, I don't want them. It makes me think about subjects that were presented as frightening and taboo. In the culture of the Australian Aboriginals, they believe that a person comes from the All That Is, incarnates in the world for a time, and returns to the All That Is. If someone "dreams" of a dead relative or friend, everyone accepts that the dreamer and the spirit person were truly spending time together. In the Western culture, such an event is dismissed as the dreamer's subconscious mind playing tricks on them. With all I've experienced, I think the Western belief is bullshit. There have been many times when I wished the cards were lying. But they don't. And the dead aren't gone, they're just different. They have energy bodies instead of physical ones. But they still have thoughts, needs and wishes. And they do still love the ones they leave behind.
My deepest sympathies to Raine on your loss. I am so very sorry.