Saturday, December 30, 2006

More Than One Way To Be Feminine

I posted this rant as a response to a great rant by my buddy Knight. And I decided that I wanted to post it here too.
I think what is true feminine and what this society accepts as feminine are very different things. This society sees the feminine as only the dainty little girl feminine, the "maiden" aspect. And when someone like me expresses the mama bear protecting her children, the ambitious artist who could give a shit less about appearing pretty to them, I get accused of being "masculine." I am actually one of the most feminine people that I know, but it isn't little-girl feminine. I don't need a man to take care of me. I want to take care of myself and my son. I get furious when people tell me I "have balls." I most certainly do NOT have balls--I am not a man! This society is still stuck in the dark ages as far as women are concerned. We are PEOPLE and people have the right to be strong at some times and needy at others, to be ambitious, to care for others and to be cared for. All these outer trappings are bullshit. Besides, being dainty-pretty is NOT the only way to be beautiful, desireable and FEMALE!
Oh yeah--and I hate the word "tomboy" too.
And that's my feminist rant!

Monday, December 25, 2006

Everything You Always Wanted To Know About Religion But Were Afraid To Ask #1: What Is Asatru?

Since I have a myriad of Norse deities which star in the book that I'm currently writing, I was interested in finding out the answer to this question. With any religion, it's generally unwise to trust your first impressions. My first impressions of Asatru were negative for the very reason mentioned in the Wikipedia entry:
While Ásatrú is generally a tolerant religion, it is sometimes erroneously identified with neo-Nazi and "white power" organizations which also use Odinist symbols.
But as the entry proceeds to explain:
The three largest American Ásatrú organizations have specifically denounced any association with racist groups.[2] There is actually an antagonistic relationship between many neo-Nazis and the membership of most Ásatrú organizations in the USA, who view "national socialism as an unwanted totalitarian philosophy incompatible with freedom-loving Norse paganism".[3] The often problematic association comes from the fact that among neo-Nazis, there tend to be specifically 'white power' forms of Ásatrú and Odinism, which are viewed in such groups as being important attempts to retrace early segments of white european history, and they tend to be popular among those who view Christianity as a fundamentally Judaic religion.
As a religiously tolerant Qabalist-Buddhist-Neopagan myself, the more I read, the more I liked what I heard about Asatru. The Wikipedia entry is a fairly concise one and I recommend reading it. It provides several links to other places where you can find out more about this religion. If you feel a pull towards the Norse pantheon, Asatru may be the path for you in this lifetime.

Sunday, December 17, 2006

Something Nature-y

I am a

What Flower
Are You?

Tuesday, December 05, 2006

I Really Need To Do Something About That Beard

You scored 53% wrathfulness!
You really hate being defied and want to strike your enemies. Only Ares is more wrathful.

My test tracked 1 variable How you compared to other people your age and gender:

free online datingfree online dating
You scored higher than 66% on wrathfulness
Link: The Which God Are You Test written by calgarydude on OkCupid Free Online Dating, home of the The Dating Persona Test

Tuesday, November 28, 2006


Click the title link and read down a little. You'll find some excellent explanations of the various theories of karma.

Saturday, November 25, 2006

Big Difference

When doing research for my latest hellish homework, I noticed a huuuuge difference between the searches my co-worker was doing and the ones I have been doing. She was looking for "What A Girl Wants" (the song or the movie, I'm not sure which) and "What A Girl Wants, Soundtrack."
I was looking for: The duct of Wirsung, the difference between the liver of a human and a fetal pig, what do the three salivary glands have in common, what is the difference between the hard palate and the soft palate, what are the functions of the hard palate and the soft palate. I also looked for the official website for Kiss and for information on Duane Allman that I could link to from the Maelstrom of Distorted Bedlam.
There are other radical differences between my co-worker and myself. She's a fundamentalist Christian who will be attending Bob Jones University. (Another co-worker and myself both found this very scary.) I'm a metaphysician who practices both Buddhism and Wicca, finds wisdom in the gnostic aspects of Christianity, and, thanks to the Holy Qabalah, sees no conflict of interest in accepting ideals and practices from these various schools of thought.
This country was supposedly founded on freedom of religion. But people like me have to fear revealing their true beliefs because of accusations of evildoing, being ostracized, and possibly getting fired. So I just don't talk about it unless I've developed a very high level of trust. Many of my longtime friends don't know the truth because I fear losing them if they were to find out.

Sunday, November 12, 2006

James Van Praagh Explains

Why communication with spirits is sometimes difficult.

The spirit world exists at a much higher vibration than our world. Therefore, when a spirit attempts communication, his or her energy is at a higher vibration than that of the receiver. When James communicates with spirits, he tells them to slow down.
James has an innate gift for mediumistic abilities and many years of practice. I truly believe that he's the "real deal." Click the title link to visit his website. Click this link to read a humorous account of my own mishaps in my initial communications with my spectral co-author.

Tuesday, October 31, 2006

Craft Name Generator

Saturday, October 28, 2006

The Aura Colors Test

Click the title link to take the Aura Colors test. Here is how I scored:
(huh! huh! I scored!)
11 in Blue and Lavender
10 in Yellow and Crystal
9 in Violet and Indigo
7 in Abstract Tan
6 in Sensitive Tan and Green
5 in Environmental Tan, Magenta and Red Overlay
4 in Logical Tan
3 in Orange
2 in Red

My Attributes:
Blue: People frequently turn to me with emotional problems and I lovingly and patiently help them.
I have been known to cry easily (though I tend never to cry in front of others.)
One of my strongest priorities is to be in a loving relationship. (This is true although I am not capable of being in a romantic relationship on the physical plane. Love means something different to me than erotic/romanitc expression.)
I feel guilty when I say no.
God (The Powers That Be) and spirituality are very important to me.
I tend to help and take care of others.
I frequently have cold hands and feet. (I thought that was due to hypothyroidism, but, ok.)
When there is conflict, I want everyone to love each other.
Love and people are the most important elements in my life. (The people I love are very important to me.)
I tend to feel the emotions of other people. (Sometimes to my detriment.)
I have difficulty letting go of relationships. (Even when they are toxic as hell.)
I enjoy fantasy and make-believe more than the "real" world.
I am quiet, sensitive and spiritual. (Although I really enjoy making an ass out of myself in a funny play.)
I have a difficult time managing money.
I tend to spend a lot of time alone, daydreaming.
I prefer pretty, gentle and fine artistic things and I am uncomfortable with dirt, bugs and harsh environments. (This is iffy. I am fascinated by 'dark' stuff, but prefer monster or good vs. evil themes to 'slasher' films. I don't mind a bit of dust and clutter, but I despise bugs. I do appreciate beautiful artwork and environments. I would love to go to Hawaii or someplace of that nature.)
I am often forgetful and frequently spacey.
People accuse me of being irresponsible and unrealistic.
I have difficulty dealing with everyday responsibilities.
I am an imaginative and creative thinker; however, I usually have trouble following through on my ideas. (It took me 14 years to finish my first book. What do you think?)
I seem to be out of my body more than I am in it. (I'm in it but not 'in reality' a lot of the time.)
I prefer to work in relaxed, low-stress environments.
It is very important to me to be able to play, have fun, exercise, and be with people. (And it doesn't happen very often.)
I like to laugh and cheer people up.
I have had a tendency to regularly overdo at least one of the following: drugs, alcohol, cigarettes, caffeine, sex, exercise, chocolates, sweets or overeating. (The last four are still demons of mine. But I don't think a little chocolate is bad for you!)
When there is conflict, my first impulse is to run away or avoid the situation.
I need physical exercise or dance on a regular basis. (And sometimes its hard to even get off my ass to walk the dogs.)
I like to be creative, artistic, or work with my hands.
I tend to look younger than my age. (But feel older!)
My feelings can be hurt very easily.
I wish that people could just play all the time.
I believe that sex should be fun. (Although I'm celibate, in my perfect world I certainly wouldn't be! I said 'celibate,' and that's by choice. But I'm not dead from the waist down! For me, sex is only fun if the heart and head are involved anyway. The BIG head, that is!)
I sometimes like to be spontaneous, but without order, I tend to become very agitated.
I often choose to work in quiet, calm and peaceful environments. (Although most of the time I choose to listen to loud, raucous, angry music.)
I am extremely sensitive and can be overwhelmed by being around too many people.
I need to spend a lot of time alone in quiet meditation to replenish myself.
Spending quiet time reading or being in my garden is therapeutic for me.
Physical reality often feels cold, harsh and threatening to me.
I don't always know how to behave in social situations.
My spirituality and my serene inner connection with God (The Powers That Be) are the most important aspects of my life. (One of them.)
Frequently I am unsure of what I am supposed to do on the planet.
I tend to be withdrawn, quiet and insecure.
I often feel I have quiet, inner healing powers. (Which I have never learned how to tap properly.)
I feel that I have a message to get across to people.
I have a strong desire to help improve the planet.
I have always felt that I was going to be famous or do something important. (Better damn well hurry if its true!)
I have had a desire to perform to audiences. (Or reach audiences.)
If I had a lot of money, I would travel or become involved in humanitarian causes.
I am very interested in cosmic and universal concepts.
(I can sometimes end up as the center of attention.)
(I visualize future events, but more often I "know" the truth about something and it turns out to be fact, no matter how illogical it may seem. Sometimes it takes a long time for the truth to be revealed.)
I can become involved in too many projects at the same time. (always)
Freedom and independence are major priorities to me. (I am damn sick of dancing to someone else's beat!)
I would much rather be self-employed. (Rather, making money doing what I enjoy. I think I'm too scatterbrained to successfully run a business.)
Waking up suddenly causes me physical pain. (Distress and upset.)
I have difficulty relating to the world in its current condition and often feel that I don't belong here.
I have difficulty relating to my physical body.
I have a highly sensitive physical, emotional and psychological system.
I have no issues regarding sexual preference in others as long as they aren't after kids, animals, or people they're related to. I have some past abuse issues and hate when I have homosexual dreams.
I know that there is a spiritual energy in all things.
I have a strong curiosity about physical reality as it relates to spirituality.
I am extremely sensitive and mostly compassionate. I'm an independent thinker but sometimes tend to fold too easily, so I can't really qualify myself as "strong."
I tend to question and challenge old, dogmatic beliefs and methods. (I still want to moon Jerry Fallwell before I die!)
I cannot be forced to operate against my beliefs, even if it would make others happy.
I feel more creative and spiritually "advanced" than others. (At least than the "dumb driven cattle" which seem to make up 90% of the population. I've met several people whose spiritual and creative abilities completely eclipse mine, and I bow down to them!)
Abstract Tan:
I frequently feel scattered, often forget appointments, or overbook my schedule with conflicting appointments. (I am bipolar!)
I can see all the details that need to be taken care of, but I have difficulty deciding which ones need to be done first. (Probably the ones that I least want to do.)
I am constantly misplacing things. (Keys, appointment book, brain...)
I prefer jobs that allow me to work randomly with all the details of a project.
I get so busy and things get so hectic that I often forget to pay my bills. (I am bipolar...)
I am open, optomistic and very friendly. (I am friendly enough unless threatened. I am a curmudgeon, which overshadows blind optimism. I am not, however, a complete pessimist. I tend to be pretty open about who I am, on one hand, but very guarded on the other.)
I love humanity, but am often uncomfortable maintaining an intimate relationship. (I like people one on one but hate the human race as a whole. I fear people finding out the whole truth about me.)
I usually see numerous solutions to a problem. (But most of them aren't practical.)
I know many acquaintances but have very few close friends.
Sensitive Tan:
Home and family are two of my most important priorities.
I feel that supporting community activities and attending functions such as PTA meetings is important. (I and my son participate in most of the activities relating to his school. Community meetings are important but I would rather grind my feet off with a rasp than go to them.)
Having a sense of security and stability in my home is important to me. (My son has turned out to be a surprisingly well-balanced young man considering the emotional volatility he endured during his early life. Very seldom was he the target, but he saw a lot of fighting between his father and myself, which was always verbally abusive and sometimes physically violent. I have tried to provide him with stability since then. Unfortunately I was not diagnosed as bipolar until he was 14, so he still sometimes witnessed emotional outbursts on my part. Since the diagnosis, he and I have talked a lot and although initially he expressed some anger with me for being unable to control my upsets in his presence, he has since become very calm and rational about the whole thing and we are very supportive of each other.
Security...damn, it would be nice not to have what we need and not wonder which bills we can pay this month!)
I tend to be a patient listener. (usually)
I tend to be quiet, reserved, and often shy.
I believe that service to humanity is true spirituality.
I usually put my family's needs before my own.
I prefer to work in a structured environment. (Kind of. With a J.O.B.* I like knowing what to expect when I come to work.)
(*J.O.B. stands for Just Over Broke.)
I can be a workaholic and have a hard time relaxing.
I tend to be a perfectionist and am usually demanding on myself and others. (Myself, but not others.)
I need to learn and to be intellectually stimulated. (Or at least to be moving forward.)
I can be strong-willed and tenacious.
Three of my strongest priorities are making a lot of money, accomplishing my financial and business goals, and being respected by other powerful and intelligent people. (I want a lot of money because I don't want to have to worry about money and so I can help others with it. I want to accomplish my personal goals. I want to be respected by the kind of people whom I respect, which encompasses a real variety of people.)
I like things to be organized and well-planned. I frequently write lists. (I said this is what I LIKE. This is not generally my reality!)
I enjoy the challenge of developing plans and ideas rather than doing detailed work. (I tend to be an idea person, but I love doing detailed work if its on a project I'm passionate about. My attention to detail sometimes bogs me down.)
I have high standards in relationships and tend to be bored easily by most other people. (Most "normal" people really don't understand me, so its not likely we'd be hanging out together much anyway.)
People can be intimidated by me. (And I really don't understand why.)
I am often in a hurry.
Environmental Tan:
I enjoy analyzing and measuring the environment.
I am slow to develop friends and usually spend my time alone.
Money is important to me for security and stability.
I am a responsible, dedicated employee who follows directions well.
I am a very private person and keep my feelings to myself.
I prefer stable jobs and reliable paychecks. (But would rather be making money doing "my thing."
When raising children, I would be a rational disciplinarian. (I'm actually pretty relaxed. I state what the rules are and generally don't have to get harsh about it.)
Acting foolish and outrageous is fun and does not embarrass me. (Depends on how much I've had to drink!)
My lifestyle tends to be flamboyant and eccentric. (My true personality is flamboyant and eccentric but I prefer to be a frumpy, middle-aged woman.)
I believe controversy is necessary and that it keeps life interesting. (Depends on who I'm pissing off.)
I like the bizarre and the unusual. (As long as nobody's getting hurt.)
I do not usually conform to society's rules or laws.
Although I love parties and social events, I have trouble keeping friends because my behavior sometimes shocks people. (More like my beliefs sometimes shock the "normals" in this world.)
I enjoy outrageous artistic expression. (As long as nobody's getting hurt.)
I love to learn about new things, but I tend to have a short attention span. I often leave things unfinished. (I am bipolar.)
I feel alone and misunderstood a lot of the time.
Red Overlay:
I sometimes experience intense, often uncontrollable anger or rage. (Which is better since I started taking Lithium.)
My life seems to be a constant struggle.
I consistenly experience conflict and frustration regarding relationships, health, money, and/or career.
I experienced at least one of the following as a child:
Emotionally, physically or mentally abandoned or rejected (i.e. unwanted child, adopted, alcoholic parent, etc.) (My mother really didn't want kids. I could always tell, but she never said so until I was 27 years old. I was cool with it, I just wanted to know.)
Emotionally, physically, or mentally abused. (My parents didn't mean to, but I always felt I could do nothing right in their eyes. Also I was sexually molested at a young age. I have no conscious memory of it, but certain behaviors and physical symptoms, obsessions and flashes in dreams made me realize the truth.)
Life threatening situation before birth, at birth, or at a young age. (I was born slightly prematurely, but that wasn't really life threatening. I could never sleep. Once I didn't sleep for several nights and was given phenabarbitol. This had the opposite of the desired effect. I did not sleep for a week. I was 18 months old. I believe that this was possibly life threatening. At any rate, it was detrimental to my mental health. Even at this young age I was obviously pretty sensitive, fragile, and unusual. I was not a good baby for someone who really didn't want children in the first place.)
Logical Tan:
I do enjoy working with mechanical or electronic gagdgets and machines, i.e. computers, calculators, appliances and electronic games--sometimes more so than people. But I don't know that I would enjoy having such a career.
I enjoy working with details.
I tend to take a long time to make decisions.
I typically follow a regular routine. (I am often in a rut.)
My attitude is "seeing is believing." (It can be when I'm feeling particularly cynical.)
I tend to be a "pack rat," hanging on to things just in case I need them. (I am really terrible about this.)
Having a regular job and a family feels boring to me. (The job, not the family.)
I prefer to spend time alone. (Much of the time. But I also get very lonely.)
I prefer doing individual sports and challenges rather than team sports. (I actually enjoy team sports sometimes, but I'm not good at anything. I like to play casually. The opportunity rarely presents itself.)
I enjoy the challenge of going beyond my physical limitations.
I do not need to share my emotional feelings with anyone. (I don't think my feelings are anyone's business, but often I'm dying to share them with someone.)
I am not interested in what other people think about me. (Pretty well true, but sometimes it matters more than I care to admit. People don't need to like me, but sometimes it hurts when they hate me or feel the need to be detrimental towards me.)
People often see me as self-absorbed and aloof. (I'm really not, but I tend to be shy and reserved, which can come off as self-absorbed and aloof.)
I prefer work that is physical and has immediate, tangible results. (As far as a J.O.B. goes, this can be true.)
I tend to be a loner.
I have a hard time expressing my feelings to others.
I am persistent and hard-working and usually keep the rest of the team going. (I can be a "cheerleader" when needed, but I refuse to wear those dorky little skirts!
Hope you enjoyed reading this novel about me. Or got a little sleep when you nodded off halfway through!

Monday, October 23, 2006

Meet the Authors

I don't have much to say about it here. It will speak for itself.

Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Dream Interpretation

Click the title link to see an interesting page about dream interpretation.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!!

Ok, I put the post about the dream back. And isn't that just a super spiritual title for this post?? I'm having a real internal battle with myself right now! It's in regards to the publication of my story...and admitting that a real actual ghost helped me write it. Hellloooo, straight jacket, as far as most of the world is concerned!
The problem is that not only am I sensitive to psychic phenomena, I'm also hypersensitive psychologically. I don't handle criticism well. You have to have a thick skin to be able to do something like this and I just don't. I don't know if you can be a psychic sensitive without also being sensitive in general.
The ghosty dude does not have much of an ego when it comes to getting credit where credit is due. He doesn't care whether or not I give him credit for his part in the book. But I'm hyper-honest and I believe that not giving him credit would be like stealing his work. I've considered publishing the book under a pseudonym but think that's kind of a chicken shit way out. Ah, fuck me! I'm having a fucking psychological breakdown right now! I think it's like getting married, which is something that I would rather be tarred and feathered than do again. It sounded just great until I got down to the wire. Now I've got the first draft entirely finished and am doing clean up work to prepare for publication. I've always wanted to be a published author and frankly the book was only ok before my ethereal friend started making suggestions. He's far more creative than I am on very deep esoteric levels. He can dispute this all he wants but unless he wants to hit me in the head with a real physical object, I will ignore his protestations. He deserves credit, and it's not like it's the first time the Cheesy One has been labeled a nut case, a devil worshipper, or even a necrophiliac. That last one was a remark made by someone who had confused necromancer (which I'm not either. There's a difference between a psychic medium and a necromancer) and a necrophile.
Why do I even give a fuck about being labeled abnormal? It's not like I've ever been mistaken for normal. Why, why, why was I not born "normal?" One of those boring little people who wants a boring little normal job with a boring normal husband, a dog, a cat, and 2.5 kids? But noooooooo! Instead I have to be the empathic bipolar nut case kook who talks to ghosts! And not "normal" ghosts either. Generally they are Earthbound spirits who had troubled lives. There is nothing "normal" going on here, I can assure you! If you were looking for normal, you have now entered the Abnormal Zone. We're mostly harmless in here but we are kind of scary-looking. So I guess if you're abnormal too, you'll be ok with that. If not, we'll let you leave unscathed. We might like making you jump (what's the fun of writing horror if you can't make people jump) but we don't have any real need to hurt anybody.
Oooook, I have officially cracked up now. Please send the nice people in the clean white coats...
they're coming to take me away!
Completely Cie
(Not channeling Lily, the Higher Self at all in this case!)

Too Personal

I did have a post here about a dream or astral experience I'd had, and some of you may have wondered where it went. I deleted it. There are some things that are just too personal.

Permission to Freak

There are very few things that people can tell me which will freak me out. I've had too many psychic experiences. Some might argue psychotic experiences. Whatever. I'm too old and tired to argue with you if you choose to believe that I'm plain nuts. That's okey dokey by me. And maybe you're right. If so I guess I have a rather icky surprise coming to me when my end comes. But sometimes you've just got to say "Fuck It" and believe what you believe regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I have a dream blog and perhaps this dream/astral communication belongs there. But it's here. And it's my bunch of blogs, so I'll categorize entries as I see fit!
If you click this link you can read what the Australian aboriginals believe about dreams and the spirits of the departed. I happen to subscribe to their beliefs.
If you click the title link you can read about and see photos of the guy that came to visit me. I belive that we have formed an actual friendship to the point of my actually using his input in the book I recently finished the first draft of, and crediting him for it. Believe what you want but don't be rude, because what I will say next is pretty deeply personal as far as we are both concerned. His poltergeist tendencies are pretty low but I'm not responsible for what happens should you piss him off too much!
He came to me in this dream in his stage makeup and dressed entirely in black. He has never appeared to me in makeup before. He was quite upset and was holding something small wrapped in a black blanket. When he opened it up there was a baby in the blanket. It was cold and still and its face was stark white.
"Please, I'm tired of carrying around the dead baby," he said. "I want to not have to carry it any more. What can I do?"
I didn't know what to advise him. The interesting thing is, I realized several years ago that even though my personality did not splinter as I believe his did, it has many facets. One of these facets is my own "dead baby." I think that every person who was sexually traumatized at a young age has a "dead baby" inside them. It is the trust in others, the dreams of being a "normal" child without a horrible secret, all the things that are lost to those who have been molested. It isn't truly "dead," but it is sleeping so soundly that it appears to be so. It is afraid to wake up.
I told my friend that I have a "dead baby" inside me too and that I didn't know what to do, that maybe one day we would both be healed and it would be too. I wept with him. I noticed that there were cuts on his arms, like there often were when he was alive. I told him that he didn't have to hurt himself any more. He thanked me for being kind to him even though I didn't have an answer. He said that maybe we would figure it out together.
Freaky, yes.
But around here, you have permission to freak!
Peace, blessings and healing to all who suffer.

Thursday, August 10, 2006

The Pineal Gland in Psychic and Psychological Phenomena

Click the title link to read an interesting, in depth article regarding the role the pineal gland plays in the organic functions of the mind and in aiding in or processing certain psychic functions.

Tuesday, July 18, 2006

The Room In My Soul

What Your Soul Really Looks Like

You are a wanderer. You constantly long for a new adventure, challenge, or eve a completely different life.

You are a very grounded, responsible, and realistic person. People may not want to hear the truth from you, but they're going to get it.

You believe that people see you as larger than life and important. While this is true, they also think you're a bit full of yourself.

Your near future is still unknown, and a little scary. You'll get through wild times - and you'll textually enjoy it.

For you, love is all about caring and comfort. You couldn't fall in love with someone you didn't trust.

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

My Past Life Analysis from The Big View

Your past life diagnosis:
I don't know how you feel about it, but you were female in your last earthly incarnation.You were born somewhere in the territory of modern USA South-Center around the year 750. Your profession was that of a entertainer, musician, poet or temple-dancer.
Your brief psychological profile in your past life:You always liked to travel and to investigate. You could have been a detective or a spy.
The lesson that your last past life brought to your present incarnation:You should develop self-love and ability to implant hope into hearts of people. Ambition is not everything. True wealth is buried in your soul.
Do you remember now?

Wednesday, May 31, 2006

The Force of Creation (Kether)

I posted this comment in response to a post about Intelligent Design and thought it would be well to share it here:
There is a fabulous ultimate positive force that created all souls and even created the various gods and goddessess that people revere. However I wonder: does it abandon us once it has created us leaving us to fuck things up as we have, or does it care and feel our sorrows? I don't think it directly intervenes for it isn't like us at all. That is why it gave us the Gods and Goddesses. But sometimes they don't intervene either. It's all a big mystery that I don't claim to understand but will study for all my life because I really do want to know!
In Holy Qabalah, this force is Kether. It is the Sephirah depicted at the top of the tree. It is the Source of All Things. It created all things. All things were created benevolent but some have become corrupt.
Though the force that is Kether is much to be revered, it doesn't directly answer prayers. That is what the Gods, Goddesses and angels who are representatives of the other Sephiroth were created to do. I won't convolute this post with my theories about the Deities and their interactions with humans. I want to focus upon Kether--the Pure, Divine Source of All That Is.
Peace and Blessings,

The Qabalistic Tree of Life

Saturday, May 27, 2006

Prayers and Positive Energy

I was very touched by this little girl who is facing this serious situation. I saw a Reiki candle charged for miraculous manifestations today and I bought it and carved into it my intention that she may be healed. I put it between my statuettes of Buddha and Tara and prayed to them and to Jesus that she should be healed. Please add your positive energy through your own prayers. The warmth from the heart chakra and the light from the third eye are helpful to imagine but not necesessary. The true positive energy comes from your sincere intent, whatever deity/deities you worship!
Thanks and blessings,

Wednesday, May 24, 2006

Please Pray/Send Light

Please click the title link to read about a young lady who needs a miracle and please send your positive thoughts, energy and prayers to her.

The Rainbow

Last Wednesday evening while walking the dogs, I saw one of the most amazing rainbows that I've ever seen. There had been a short cloudburst and when we were walking towards the east I noticed a grand rainbow that extended all the way across the horizon in a gorgeous arc. The colors were very vivid and I saw something that I'd never seen before--the end of the rainbow. I could see it descending onto the hillside and could see the houses through it on the other side. I didn't think this was possible.
It was then that I noticed a second, faint rainbow right above and before the brilliant rainbow. And between the two was a patch of indigo sky. It looked as though if one were actually able to walk through this gateway, one would find themselves in a world in which all their fondest dreams had suddenly come true. I marveled at this and even though I knew I'd never make it through that gateway I wondered: what if it were possible? What if somehow everything I ever dreamed could happen if I walked through the gateway?
It was such a marvelous thought that even when the rainbow faded and my chance was gone, I remained entranced for some time.
There are times when I'm dismayed and feel trapped by my situation. Although I believe that great things are possible there are certain things that I have no idea how to do. On the miraculous level, what if I could somehow go back in time and make it so that a loved one had never died or find a wormhole so that person could be brought back to have another chance? Why does the positive magick I perform take so long to deliver results when those who do negative work often get very quick result? (But always with a dire price to pay in the end, mind. There actually is an answer to this that is the subject for another post.) Why do greedy and selfish people sometimes have so much while decent hardworking people sometimes work hard all their lives just to scrape by? Why are rude, judgmental people often popular?
Sometimes I dismay at having been given bipolar disorder in this life. It makes me wonder if all my emotions aren't simply a reaction given me by my hyperactive limbic system rather than being genuine feelings. Sometimes I look at the amazing mountains where I live and feel as if I am trapped in a great pit. I want to fly away and see the rest of the world. I want to see the oceans, to see the places where other people live, to meet people on the other side of the world. I believe it can come true. But when? I want to do it before I'm too old to truly enjoy it. I want to know the feeling of being free. I don't want to waste any more time!
The rainbow gateway shone on the other side of the police impound yard, which is right behind the mobile home park where I live.
I wonder what would have happened if I had been able to walk through?
Blessed be,

Tuesday, May 16, 2006

Ex Witch Ministries

Although I don't agree with the good minister that Christianity is the only true way to salvation/spiritual growth, I very much respect her peaceful approach to presenting the views which she has a strong conviction to. I am interested in presenting all points of view even ones I do not agree with if they are given in a respectful, nonconfrontational way. Whatever your beliefs, it is worth giving this website a look.

Readings Now Available

I am pleased to announce my psychic reading service. Please click the title link to learn more!

Open up!

You Are 56% Open Minded

You are a very open minded person, but you're also well grounded.
Tolerant and flexible, you appreciate most lifestyles and viewpoints.
But you also know where you stand firm, and you can draw that line.
You're open to considering every possibility - but in the end, you stand true to yourself.

Monday, May 15, 2006


Click the tile link to access the official Lazaris website. Lazaris is an evolved spirit being channeled by clairvoyant Jach Purcell. He offers gentle, nonjudgmental wisdom and spiritual growth techniques. His teachings can be utilized by persons of any religion. The materials are affordable even on a limited budget. I hope you will look at what Lazaris has to offer!
Love and light,

Saturday, May 13, 2006

A Psycho...I mean, Psychic Survey

Because I have no idea what a "meme" is other than a stupid survey, I shall continue calling them Stupid Surveys.
This one has been floating around awhile and I had been refusing to do it because the fact that I'm damn weird is inherently obvious. So pretty much everything I do is weird. But I had to stop and ask--is there anything about me that people don't necessarily know? Or something that I can scar their sanity with?For the sake of saving space, if not your mind, I will limit my List 'O' Weirdity to 13.
If you have triskedecophobia, I now say to you...MWAHAHAHAHAAAAA!!!!
And now, the List 'O' Weirdity!
1. I'm claustrophobic. I don't even like taking elevators. I'm not so bad off that I can't get in an elevator but I'm always very happy when it opens up.
2. I'm afraid of the dark. I have to sleep with a night light. No joke!
3. I'm afraid of large insects. When I was 6 years old I once had a dream that a stink bug was crawling up my leg. The next day, a stink bug crawled up my leg. It really freaked me out! Which leads to...
4. I sometimes have precognitive dreams. When I was 3 years old, I dreamed that my mother was pushing a baby carriage and I knew my baby brother was in the carriage. The next day my mother told me she was having a baby. I said it better be a brother! And, so it was!The night before my father had a stroke I dreamed he was lying with his head in my lap looking upwards but not speaking. I said "Dad, I'm sorry. Please be ok." (We'd had a big argument the day before.)
Most recently (and I'm sure I'll lose at least one of my two readers at this point!) I dreamed that I had several people in the examining room at work and the only part of them I could see was their butts. Realize, I work with the elderly. In the department I'm currently in I don't deal with butts as much. The next day I found out that there's talk of eliminating the night shift in the department I'm currently working in. Which would mean the threat of possibly having to return to Long Term Care and work with a hell of a lot more poo again. (Actually, I don't think I can work in long term care again. I developed a severe curvature in the spine from doing that kind of work for too many years and it could only deteriorate further.)
5. I also sometimes know things about people and situations before anyone has revealed the information. Usually it's useless information but sometimes it turns out to be important!
6. Even when I don't have precognitive dreams I'll have free-floating anxiety before an important negative event that disappears after the event.
7. I am empathic. I can pick up on strong painful feelings even if a person says nothing. I can also pick up on feelings from photographs.
8. I believe that I have the ability to communicate with spirits. I don't usually see spirits, although I have seen one human spirit and I used to see animal spirits when I was young. My great grandfather could see spirits but didn't speak with them.
9. I literally have a GHOST writer working with me on my novel.
10. I have done past life regressions on myself. One allowed me to get rid of my needle phobia.
11. I have Type II Bipolar Disorder. I did not know this until I was 39 years old. Until that time I had been diagnosed as having depression with anxiety. None of the medications they used on me worked, in fact they tended to make me worse. The correct diagnosis is essential!
12. I used to get a real kick out of mooning people! I secretly (well, it's not a secret any more!) hope to moon the entire world before I die. Get your wide angle lenses ready, Folks!
13. I really, truly, genuinely look like Miss Piggy.

Miss Piggy's a likeable character though. Even if she's a little arrogant. I'm like Miss Piggy without the arrogance!
Think: Miss Piggy with a crystal ball.
Actually I'm lousy at scrying. I'm much better with Tarot cards.

And now you are welcome to thank me for making you feel normal!


Thursday, May 11, 2006

I Vant to be Alone

Here's one of those little personal tests and the results.

Cara, Having Alone Time renews your spirit
In our fast-paced, round-the-clock world, we often forget to schedule time with the most important person of all: ourselves. And for free spirits like you, alone time is the precious commodity you need to relax, refuel, and rejuvenate.Whether it's a leisurely walk around the block or a cup of coffee at a quaint cafe, a solo outing is sure to refresh your outlook and renew your spirit. It also makes the return to daily life and other people that much sweeter. So, what are you waiting for? Make an appointment for some quality one-on-one time!

Often people who like spending time alone are seen as antisocial. It doesn't mean that I hate the world because I tend to be a lone wolf!
My son tells me that he needs one day a week where he's by himself to think. My family thinks there's something wrong with this. I see where he's coming from.
If you want to be alone all the time, it can mean depression. But sometimes it's great!

Here's the link that was at the bottom of the test. Who knows, maybe you could win something!
Want the ultimate way to renew your spirit? Enter to win a relaxing spa trip for two from Crest Whitestrips Renewal. Find out more now!

Saturday, April 29, 2006

The Golden Dawn Blog

The Golden Dawn Blog
A must-see for those interested in the ancient Esoteric teachings.

Friday, April 28, 2006

Spirited Pup

There are a lot of ghosts where I work. It's a retirement community/assisted living/health care center and a lot of people have died here in the 40 years that it's been around. This opens doors between the material and the spirit world. And there are a lot of spirits around here.
However, not all apparitions that one sees are spirits of the departed.
Many times when one sees a spirit in one place, it's sort of a psychic tape that is being played in a continuous loop. Spirits are free to move about the astral plane, and many other planes as well. They have the same type of consciousness that they did when alive. They tend to be drawn back to the place where they died, especially if their death was traumatic. But they aren't going to spend eternity re-enacting the death over and over. I do have this on good authority from a spirit whom I've made friends with. He suffered a violent death and I asked him about what happens to people for whom this is the case. He indicated that while at times he is drawn back to the site where he died, he certainly doesn't go back there and re-enact the event.
"Shit, it was bad enough the first time. Why the hell would I want to keep doing it?" is what he told me.
He always did have a tendency to "potty mouth," in case you were wondering. And since like attracts like, who else would such a spirit come to but the Foul Mouthed Medium herself?!
A place where people see repeated activity by a given spirit gives a good marker for where you can make contact with that spirit. But the likelihood is that you are not actually seeing him or her when you see a given action repeated over and over again.
One of my little astral encounters while at work involved seeing an elderly woman with a walker going by me when I was taking a clandestine nap. Because I haven't experienced this encounter again, I'm given to think that perhaps a former resident was simply walking about the building, visiting her "old haunt," rather than this being a "psychic replay."
Not all apparitions are spirits of the departed. Sometimes we see living people or creatures who are astral projecting.
One of the people who worked in this department before I did had a very sweet little chihuahua that she would bring with her to work at night. I could never do that with my dogs. They are insane dachshunds and would tear the place to shreds!
Last night while catching a clandestine snooze, I was having a seat next to my body. I'm prone to astral projecting but not going much of anywhere when "on watch." I think I'm afraid that if I go too far away, I won't hear the phone or pager if they go off and my physical ears will likewise be useless because the conscious part of my being is skipping through the halls or off on a hike on the Flatirons! To any rate, I saw the little Chihuahua frisking down the hall, paying me no mind! It looked so happy that it just made me happy to see it.
As I haven't encountered this before either, I'm not sure if it's a "psychic replay" or if the pup just enjoyed coming here and thus did so while asleep. Of course there's a sadder possibility--not sad for the little dog but sad for those of us who are still on the material side. Perhaps the little critter passed on and now roams wherever it pleases. Again, this really isn't sad on a cosmic level. But it would be sad for Pup's owners!
As a child I was especially good at seeing animal ghosts. While fully in the body, I have only seen one human spirit in my life. But I can sense them, particularly if their emotional vibration was very high.
Which is why the ones that were troubled in life are drawn to me.
However, it isn't my intention to go into a debate about the pros and cons of dispatching Earthbound spirits. Which I don't do unless they request it or unless they're malevolent. As my closest chum in the spirit realm told me, if I want him to leave all I have to do is say so. But he still has things to do in the Earth sphere and doesn't intend to depart for awhile. Fine by me--I can always use a fellow nut to bounce ideas off! I'm not particular about the fact that he doesn't have a physical body.
I only hope the spirited Chiwee-wee hasn't been doing any ectoplasmic peeing. It would upset George, one of the facility's physically incarnate cats!
Cats, by the way, do see spirits. But that's a story for another time!

Sunday, April 23, 2006

Letting Go ceremony

This comes from the Oracle of the Grail Code card and book set by Amy Sophia Marashinsky.
The Letting Go card was drawn, as it happens, in conjunction with the Time To Let Go card from the Healing With The Angels deck by Doreen Virtue.
The meaning of the card:
Letting go appears before you signaling that the time of holding on and holding firm has passed. This is the time of endings before the birth of something new and wonderful. It is essential to your wholeness to step back and walk away from that which you have been engaged in or dealing with. No more energy, time, love or whatever will have any effect. Only a complete and utter surrender will achieve the best, highest and most loving for all concerned.
Have you fought on for years, believing you will win in the end, if you just continue to hold on, it will all come out right and you will get what you want? Are you scared to let go, afraid that if you do you will lose the little that you have? Have you become accustomed to and entrenched in the familiar way things are and fear what a new situation will bring?
Remember that if something is truly yours you can never lose it. Sometimes taking a break and letting something die and end can facilitate it coming back in a better form. Your energy is best spent grieving the loss, then making space for something new in your life. Whether it's a loved one, job, or other situtation, spending time in mourning helps to create closure and will energize your healing. Once you are really done with your emotions then you will be ready for the new. Trying to hurry the process can only result in being overwhelmed by emotions later, when you least need it. Do it now and be done with it. Then sail on, willing and able into a bright future.

Find a time and a place when and where you will not be disturbed and sit, lie or stand comfortably with your spine straight and close your eyes. Take a slow, deep breath and as you release it see, sense or feel your tension as tight armor covering your body. Take another slow, deep breath into the armor and as you relase it see, sense or feel the armor lighten and begin to fade. Take a last deep breath into the armor and as you release it see, sense or feel the armor vanish. You are now completely relaxed. Let your breathing return to normal.
Focus on your heart chakra, located in the middle of your chest near your heart. Take a deep breath into your heart chakra and as you release it feel a sense of peace. Take a deep breath into your heart chakra and as you release it, feel a sense of ease. Take a deep breath into your heart chakra and as you release it, feel a sense of love. Breathe into that love and let it expand. Breathe into that love and feel it expand until it surrounds you. Now breathe into that love and feel it surround you and hold you. Allow yourself to stay with that until you feel ready to continue.
See, sense or feel the love that is surrounding you and holding you as the presence of Divine Mother. You tell Divine Mother that you are thankful for Her presence with you. She tells you that She loves you and is with you always. She asks you what you need and you tell Her that you need Her help in letting go and grieving a loss. Divine Mother tells you that She is delighted to be of assistance.
Divine Mother tells you that the reason why it is difficult for you to let go is because you are hooked to what you are holding in your emotional body and that is where She will assist you first. She then tells you She will flood your emotional body with love and that will flush out any hooked areas. Gradually you begin to feel the warmth of unconditional love filling your emotional body. It flows into any and all tight, painful and wounded areas, bringing ease and peace, calmness and strength, renewal and regeneration. You melt into Divine Mother's love and feel all suffering cease. You hear Divine Mother whispering in your ear, "You were hooked because you were seeking love. Now you are filled with all the love that you need. Let go of the hook. Become Whole in My love for you." You feel something drop off your body and when you glance down, you see your hooks lying on the ground.
Next, Divine Mother tells you that you need to unhook from some beliefs that are keeping you tied to the situation you are letting go of in your mental body. She tells you that She if flooding your mental body with unconditional love and light and pulling out the sticky-stuck beliefs. You feel the tugging, as the old beliefs are pulled out of your mental body by Divine Mother. When the tugging subsides, you begin to feel the vibrancy of unconditional love and light filling your mental body. It flows into any and all tight, painful and wounded areas, bringing ease and peace, calmness and strength, renewal and regeneration, clarity and insight. You melt into Divine Mother's love and feel all suffering cease. You hear Divine Mother whispering in your ear, "You were hooked because you were seeking love. Now you are filled with all the love that you need. Let go of the hook. Become Whole in My love for you." You glance at Divine Mother and notice that She has a dark, sticky, and gooey blob in Her hands. She blows on it and it becomes a globe of radiant light.
"All losses must be grieved if you are to have wholeness," Divine Mother says. "All grief comes from the personality/ego, not from the soul. You will need to spend time in your soul and time in your personality/ego doing the grief work. Are you willing to do some grief work now?" You say yes.
Divine Mother places her arms around you and surrounds you with Her being. You begin to grieve: crying, wailing, keening, or making whatever sounds are appropriate for you. You feel able to go deep into your grief, thanks to Divine Mother providing a container for you, holding you gently, firmly, compassionately.
When you have done whatever feels right for you, you thank Divine Mother. She asks if you have any questions for Her about letting go and grieving and you ask Her about any concerns you may have. It is time for you to return. Divine Mother says that it would be helpful for you to spend more time with Her during this challenging time. Please connect with Her as often as you want.
Focus on your hands and breathe into the tips of your fingers. Now focus on your feet and exhale through your toes. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, move your body gently. Take a deep breath and as you exhale, if ready, open your eyes.
Welcome back!

My personal observations:
Letting go is often misunderstood. At least it has been by me. I have seen it as pushing away or repelling something I wish to care for. This is sometimes, but not always, the case.
Recently, I have seen the need for different types of letting go in my life.
For over a year now, my son has been involved with various music lessons. Previously, my family helped pay for these. Then I had to take over payment. But with today's gas prices combined with the cost of living, a high mortgage and a medical technician's salary, I can't afford for him to continue. This saddens me. I believe music is an important part of life, whether or not one is a professional musician. My son enjoyed the lessons and I enjoyed taking him and being part of this element of his life. He had no intent of being a professional musician, he just enjoyed developing the skills for his own use. However, to him, the need to cease the lessons is a "bummer." For me, it has caused active grief.
First, I see myself as a failure as a parent and a provider. This is the first thing I need to let go of because such negativity only begets more negativity and leads to depression. Second, I realized that I am holding onto the dreams of my youth, which did involve me becoming a professional musician. I never had the talent and I was thwarted by my family once it became apparent that for me, music was more than a hobby. Somehow, I see letting go of this dream as letting go of the desire to have music in my life, to be around unusual and artistic people who are like me, and to have a fun time. I see letting go as admitting that I'm "old" and shouldn't like certain types of music any more. But I must let go of this erroneous thought. I am who I am and I like what I like. I can't allow others to define this for me.
And I do need to let go of that old dream from my youth. And I do need to weep for it. I do not weep easily. I become angry and swallow my grief. I learned in youth that tears were a sign of weakness.
I inadvertently passed this erroneous belief to my son. Although I never belittled him for crying if he was hurt or unhappy, I always stoically swallowed my emotions and eventually had angry outbursts which, though rarely directed at Michael, probably frightened him as a child. (I also had undiagnosed bipolar disorder, which didn't help.) Recently, Michael (who is now almost 16) revealed to me that it made him angry when my father said things that implied that men shouldn't cry. He told me that it was difficult for him to cry, even when he's alone and feels the need. My son, who is a good-hearted individual, is carrying a lot of anger. I'm sorry that this unfortunate family tradition was passed down to him. I need to let go of this belief. Perhaps if I can, he will see that he can too. But it's difficult for me. I'm afraid that if I feel my grief, it will destroy me.
Also, and this is hard:
My son is now almost an adult. I need to let go of him.
Not give him up or stop loving him. Never do that. But let him make his own decisions. He's always displayed responsible behavior. I can give him my opinions and offer advice. I can't make his decisions for him and it's unfair to use guilt to prevent him from moving away when the time comes. He wants to go to a college in Vermont that is a perfect fit for him. It will teach him even more than I ever could about making good decisions that are right for him. I need to encourage this. While holding him in my heart and always being there for him, I need to let him be free.
I will miss him badly, though we will be in touch frequently, it will never be the same.
What do you know? Two whole tears! Maybe hearts of stone do soften sometimes after all.
I have a dear friend who is also bipolar. She is going through a terrible depression which is more a psychic dark night of the soul than a biochemical depletion. I have given her advice as a fellow sufferer, prayed and done spell work. I can do no more. To attempt to force things to change causes anxiety for me. I shall continue to advise, pray, and cast positive spells. But then I must release the problem to the Divine Healers who are greater than either of us. This does not mean giving up on my friend. It means letting the Universe do what it needs to do.
Then there are things that I need to let go that need to be kicked out never to return. Most of these are negative beliefs. These include:
I'm heavier than I want to be = I'm a fat, ugly pig.
Instead: I'm heavier than I want to be. But I'm working on it. This is a tough battle but it's one I share with a lot of people. If I enjoy the fight, I can win in the end. Even if I never lose the weight, I'll still be a winner.
I'm having a hard time making ends meet = I'm a loser. I'll never amount to anything. I'll always be broke and it will only get worse.
Instead: I'm having a hard time making ends meet = I can find a way to make ends meet and it doesn't have to be one that I hate. I can believe in miracles. I deserve them too.
I'm bipolar = I'm crazy and everyone else thinks so too.
Instead: I'm bipolar = I happen to have this condition, which in some ways makes life difficult but in other ways gives me gifts that ordinary people don't have. I'm unique. And other unique people will appreciate me.
This project hasn't worked yet = This project will never succeed. I'm a failure.
Instead: This project means a lot to me but it's taking a longer time that I'd like for it to succeed. I need to pray for a new approach and I need to perservere. I don't want to give up just before success comes.
These are a few examples of letting go, and of learning new beliefs. Think of some that apply to you.
Love and Light,

Tuesday, April 18, 2006

Use 5 different Tarot decks and become psychic!

It's true! Look what it did for me!

You are 73% Psychic

You are psychic. You are above average when it comes to perceiving the future. You are very observant and clever, with a good amount of common sense. It is very easy for you to predict things and be correct.

Take this quiz at

Saturday, April 08, 2006

Satan's Been Spending My Money!

Here is a duplicate of an email I sent to two like-minded friends. Yes, they too are insane! ;-) If you are also insane, or if you are simply among those who believe in the Worlds Unseen, you may benefit from the links I provide. And you may freak out a little bit too when you hear about my bank account! Ready? Here we go!
I was looking for a good spell to send blessings to a friendly but troubled spirit and I came upon these.
I haven't tried any of these yet but some of them seem interesting and possibly useful. Some of them in the first list are only good for a laugh and you'll know those when you read them!
These spells are the most interesting to me:
Of course as with any spell we can adapt it to suit our personality, situation or purpose. I was just really struck by these and wanted to share them.
How's this for making the hair stand up on the back of your neck? I called the bank today to find out the status of my account. Now I will admit I'm bad at keeping records and am always going into the hole. But when you hear what my overdrawn balance is, try to keep from freaking out. I about fell over dead when I heard it!
If that doesn't give you the chills, I don't know what will!
Yep...whenever I see the number .04, it scares the crap out of me!
Only kidding--I'm sure you can see why this made my hair stand on end and my blood pressure rise 20 points!
Forget trying not to be superstitious. That's just plain weird.
I'm closing this account and getting rid of the debit card. If I've ever seen a sign that I've got to drastically change something NOW, this is it!
Don't you hate it when you're getting ready to do something and realize that you've brought the wrong items? I was going to do a beneficient sending while at work late at night and when no-one else was around, but instead of the black candle for dispelling negativity and aiding spirit communication I brought the prosperity candle. Argh! Idiot!
I hope maybe my boneheadedness at least gave my invisible friend cause to laugh a little. He can really use it right now.
Blessed Be,

Wednesday, April 05, 2006

Only A Memory

Click the title link to see my latest entry at the Psychosphere. Powerful connections are sometimes unable to be logically explained. I've been trying to figure one of these out for a long time. I think logic may be overrated.

Thursday, March 30, 2006

Priestly Goth Blog

Priestly Goth Blog
From a Christian POV. And he likes cool music!

Friday, March 17, 2006

The Belief-O-Matic

Here are my results. It actually seems pretty accurate!

Neo-Pagan (100%)
Mahayana Buddhism (91%)
Hinduism (86%)
Jainism (84%)
New Age (82%)
Unitarian Universalism (78%)
Theravada Buddhism (72%)
Sikhism (68%)
Liberal Quakers (62%)
New Thought (62%)
Scientology (61%)
Reform Judaism (59%)
Taoism (51%)
Orthodox Judaism (51%)
Bahá'í Faith (49%)
Christian Science (Church of Christ, Scientist) (46%)
Mainline to Liberal Christian Protestants (43%)
Orthodox Quaker (43%)
Islam (42%)
Secular Humanism (38%)
Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-Day Saints (Mormons) (23%)
Mainline to Conservative Christian/Protestant (23%)
Seventh Day Adventist (22%)
Jehovah's Witness (20%)
Nontheist (19%)
Eastern Orthodox (13%)
Roman Catholic (13%)

Wanna know what's ironic? I was raised Roman Catholic!
Click the title link and try it yourself!

Sunday, March 05, 2006

Lily's Believe It--Or Don't

I've been feeling like I'm getting a cold. Sore throat, mild breathing issues. Plus I was feeling really drained. I was at work and decided to stick the cell phone and pager near my head and have a nap. I also set the alarm on my own cell phone, just in case.
There's no rule that says we can't take breaks, but technically we aren't supposed to sleep. Sometimes though, if I don't, I'll start falling asleep while driving home. So I went to the too-short couch and curled up for a bit.
As you know, if you've been reading this blog, I believe that the personality continues to exist after the death of the body. I'm not yet comfortable going into details but I have a couple of friends in the spirit world. There is one in particular whom I'm quite close to at this point. I'll refer to him as "Spooky." Original, eh?
I don't hear Spooky's voice in my ears and I can't see him through my physical eyes. I receive impressions from him and feel his emotions.
So there I was, taking a nap and actually was pretty well out of it when I "heard" Spooky "saying" rather loudly inside my mind, "Cie! Wake up, Babe!"
In life, he had a very distinct voice. There was no mistaking that it was him.
I sat bolt upright and was actually pretty refreshed for having only rested for 15 minutes. I wondered what was up with my ghostly buddy since there was no emergency, like the building being on fire or the cell phone ringing and my missing it. However, moments later the newspaper delivery person walked down the hall. She doesn't usually come down past my desk.
I was very grateful to Spooky for waking me because I could just see the newspaper delivery lady ratting me out to the security guard for sleeping on the job, then he tells my boss, then...
Damn! It would be ALL bad!
I don't care what anyone thinks. Having the ability to sense spirits can rule sometimes! And unless the spirit is "feeding" off their human friend, there's no problem letting them hang out, in my book. A friendly spirit won't stick around if you don't give him/her permission to do so. "Spooky" is earthbound, but he has told me that this is by choice because he thinks he can do more good this way. He does have issues from his most recent life and sometimes I absorb very painful emotions from him, but I try to help him the way I would help an incarnate friend.
Let's take wisdom from the Australian Aborigines and their belief that the spirits of those who have left the body are still present. As Justin pointed out, this is the same belief as taught in Kabalah and other forms of positive mysticism. While there is no scientific proof of spirits, there are many people who seem to have encounters with them. Perhaps one day our abilities to communicate with those beyond the veil will be as commonplace as our physical senses.
Thanks again, Spooky, you saved my bacon and hash to be sure today!
Love and Blessings,

Thursday, March 02, 2006

What My Spooky Friend Did For My Birthday

Ever had one of those dreams/astral experiences where you could actually taste or feel things?
This one happened just after my birthday.
A chum who is no longer of the body came to me while I was sleeping and told me that he wanted to give me something for my birthday. So I went with him to this little cafe and he brought me some kind of pastry. The wild thing is, I could actually taste this, and man was it GOOOD!!!! I've never had anything like it in life. The outside was some sort of phyllo dough or pastry leaves and the inside was a kind of sweet cream and ricotta type cheese with strawberry preserves. Usually dream food is flavorless and discouraging but this was incredible!
So good was it that I had strawberry preserves on the side of my mouth and my friend had a laugh at my expense before he decided to be kind and wipe it off.
I say that if this is the kind of thing you get to eat on the Other Side, then hell, I'm not worried about croaking!
So thanks to my ethereal companion for the lovely present.
When they aren't in morose moods, ghosts can be fine company!
Love and Blessings,

Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Lesson in Norse Mythology

Warning: this post is rated H for "Humor."
So if you've lost your sense thereof...
Find it--then return!

While watching Truly Stupid Television (AKA Web Junk on VH1) I was apprised of the existence of Draugs in modern Scandinavia.
A draug is the hideous headless ghost of a pissed-off sailor who drowned without a proper burial at sea and whose goal it has become to drown other sailors in like manner. This description comes from Encyclopedia Mythica.
by Youri Boone
A Nordic variety of the Icelandic draugr, draugs are most often identified with the spirits of mariners drowned at sea (as for example in Jonas Lie’s Elias and the Draug). Having been denied proper burial themselves, they haunt the shores of Norway to bring doom upon any mariner who sees them. Conversely, they are only visible to their future victims.
Draugs are said to have seaweeds for heads and to sail around in half a boat. Some accounts portray them as shapeshifters who take on the appearance of stones in the shoreline. When a mariner treads upon such a stone he faces certain death, unless he would first spit on it.

Well, my encyclopedia of Norse mythology says that draugs are headless, so I can only assume that some of them have taken to wearing seaweed in place of their missing noggin.
Draugs are getting bolder these days and expanding their territory. In the past, they have confined themselves to their half-fishing boats, having contests to see which among them could bring the most sailors to a watery doom.
In spite of its fearsome aspect, the Draug has a weakness. It is a very proper horror and cannot abide anyone ripping loose with a trumpeting blast from the old backside. In my hallowed Encyclopedia of Norse mythology, it says that if one but unleashes a hearty blast of wind, the draug will leap back into its half boat at double speed and leave them in peace.
One can only imagine the windy atmosphere of the modern fishing trawler. While in days of old, a single fisherman out upon the sea might not have been able to work up a goodly blast to save himself from a watery grave at the hands of a draug, a boatload of fishermen will surely have several among their number who are up to the task. Thus, the draug is a frustrated entity. And they have taken to docking their little half-boats on the Scandinavian coast and coming ashore to find victims.
One draug evidently made its way to a Swedish television studio. Its evil intent was focused upon the newscaster. But this woman's quick thinking and even quicker acting digestive system became the stuff of legend when, on camera while delivering the news, she cut loose with a hearty blast sure to make anyone of Viking stock proud as punch, or, more likely, Grog. If one but clicks this link that I have so generously provided for you and checks out Web Junk Episode 6, you will see the honorable mention that this great lady has earned for her quick--um--thinking!
I am speculating that no Draugs have been foolhardy enough to invade the locker room of the Swedish men's Olympic hockey team. Or any other hockey team for that matter.
So if confronted by a Draug, remember--this is one time that it's ok to think with your butt!
Hard boiled eggs and sauerkraut, anyone?
See? The supernatural doesn't have to be dull. In fact, it can be downright entertaining!
Your friend in Esoteric Tomfoolery,

Saturday, February 18, 2006

Aboriginal beliefs

I have been reading about the Australian Aborigines recently. Although highly civilized Westerners may scoff at their "simplistic" beliefs, I find much wisdom in them. I can't claim to understand all about the dreamtime, but it seems pretty straightforward.
The spirit or essence of a person exists before birth. It then lives for a period in a body. When it dies, it goes back to the All That Is. Spirits are very much a part of Aboriginal society. The Aborigines accept that spirits communicate with living beings during the time that the living person is asleep. While sleeping, the living person enters the Dreamtime temporarily.
Modern people write off such experiences as purely psychological phenomena. They see people such as the Aborigines as "quaint" and "barbaric," and refer to them in patronizing ways. Some people in the past have used their "modern" thinking as an excuse to see the natives of a given land as less than human, which thus "excuses" the settlers stealing land and goods from the native people.
I am enjoying learning about the Australian Aborigines and have been listening to their haunting, relaxing music. One can't help but get closer to the source of All That Is when hearing the music played by these people and by the various American Indians. And I believe that we overly complex "civilized" people can learn much from them. They accept "what is" and don't try to explain it away.
One should always be grateful for new sources of Gnosis and not take the chauvinistic attitude that modernized beliefs are inherently superior to ancient ones.

Thursday, February 09, 2006

They need kindness

If you click the title link, you will meet some people who are in desperate need of positive energy. This lady is now suffering the loss of her 15 year old grandson after having endured a terrible lung infection which she thought might be cancer. So much is put on some souls. Please pray/send positive energy and good wishes to Myrna.
Peace and Blessings,


Learning about ghost sickness (see previous post) helped me to deal with what I'm going through from a different perspective and I am feeling far better. Knowledge is rarely a bad thing.
Although the lessons I've learned from other traditions are important to me, this is the only thing that has thus far helped me deal with the Dispirited Spirit problem that I sometimes encounter. Judeochristianity and indeed most New Age philosophy espouses sending the spirit away. But perhaps it is possible and best to be a friend to them, as long as they are benevolent. However, one might need to remind these entities that their presence can be draining at times and ask them to "back off" if one is becoming ill or psychologically disturbed.
I've always had contact with spirits and for the most part find it pleasant. Unfortunately, I have very little ability to "see" them, at least through my waking eyes. This is something I am working on. Perhaps as my abilities become stronger, the difficulties will become fewer.
Peace and Best Wishes,

Wednesday, February 08, 2006

Ghost Sickness

This is a really interesting page that seems relevant to my previous post. Here is an excerpt.

Obsession with the Deceased Taxon
ghost sickness: (American Indian groups) preoccupation with death and the deceased, sometimes associated with witchcraft. Symptoms may include bad dreams, weakness, feelings of danger, loss of appetite, fainting, dizziness, fear, anxiety, hallucinations, loss of consciousness, confusion, feelings of futility, amd a sense of suffocation.

I do go through this during/after contact with a particularly troubled spirit. I don't know if it means anything or not, but I am part Cherokee.
Not so's you could really tell by looking at my blond, fair-skinned self. Though a former co-worker said he could tell by my high cheekbones.


Tuesday, February 07, 2006


Why is it that the only spirits who like to pay a visit to ol' Lily Tears are sad, morose ones looking for help they couldn't get in life??
Like attracts like.
I do have mental illness (bipolar disorder.) Which is not the same thing as being insane. My basic perceptions of the world fall within the realms of sanity, and I am Mostly Harmless. Whereas, some people who present as very stable actually have no problem hurting another person if they perceive that person as being in their way. These people are called sociopaths, and they are probably the people on the planet that I resonate with the least.
On the day that John Wayne Gacy died, I had a horrific dream wherein I was having sex with a child! I woke up and felt sick to my stomach and reached for the nearest Holy tome, which happened to be a bible, found a psalm, and prayed it until I calmed down. I knew this thought wasn't from me. I am an open conduit to the spirit world and fuckin' John Wayne Gacy had contacted me! Believe me, these fuckers may touch my mind sometimes, but they never get to hang around!
The ones who hang around are haunted and pained. They don't actually want to hurt anyone, but sometimes they've hurt themselves. Maybe they sense my own suicidal tendencies and thus find a kindred spirit. I sense friendly thoughts from them. I don't "hear" their voices, I just receive general impressions.
"I like you."
"Thank you for being kind to me."
"Thank you for being my friend."
"Thank you for letting me hang around with you."
"Can I drive the car?" (Using my body. My great-aunt, believe it or not!)
"I love you."
"Can I sleep next to you? I promise I won't disturb you. I just like feeling your heart."
"I wish I was still alive. I would be your friend/boyfriend."
Guys, I love you.
But sometimes it really hurts.
I don't want to lose any of you or have you go away forever. It's not like that. But I'm really hurting right now. (Incarnate people can read the Psychosphere blog for more.)
Spirits don't know how to give back sometimes. They find someone who's open and it feels good to them.
For those male spirits who think they're in love with me:
Maybe you are. And maybe it would have been nice. And maybe in some future life it will be nice. I don't trust romantic love too much. And just like an incarnate man, how would I know you weren't getting around?
Besides, I'm not exactly Christie Brinkley! I'm too heavy, have a piggy nose, and horsey teeth. You only think you love me because I've been nice to you. Don't hurt me by confusing gratitude with love.
Some of you were really sick and messed up in life. Most of you are better now in a lot of ways but you are still very needy. You behave as vampires sometimes. This isn't to say I want you to go away. I just need you to give back a little bit. I have felt quite suicidal for the past couple of days now. I really don't want to join you just yet. Please, don't take from me when I'm like this.
I present this information in spite of the fact that it makes me look less than sane because I know there are others out there who experience this. At least I can let them know they are not alone.
Love and Best Wishes,
(Lily Tears)

Monday, February 06, 2006

My Fallen Angel

Sunday, February 05, 2006

Less than Peaceful Thoughts

I am going to kill!
Both of the new posts that I placed here last night have disappeared. Gone to who the hell knows where? Another post that I worked on for a long time on a different blog reverted to a previous form. My hatred of Blogger at this moment is at an all time high.

Thursday, January 19, 2006

Glory Freakin' Hallelujiah!

Read this article:
From Monsters and
People News
Chris Martin haunted by musical ghost
By Bang
Jan 13, 2006, 19:00 GMT
Gwyneth Paltrow and husband Chris Martin claim they are being haunted by the ghost of a 19th century musician.
The pair believe their north London home, which they share with daughter Apple, is possessed by the ghost of Adolphus White - a Royal College of Music professor who died at the property in 1902.The pregnant 'Shakespeare In Love' actress is so worried about the musical apparition she is planning an exorcism at the house - located in the capital's plush Belsize Park region - before she gives birth in the spring.
Friends of the 33-year-old actress and her Coldplay star husband say the pair have become increasingly anxious about the alleged spectre.
One said: 'It's well known Chris had a lot of trouble writing his latest album 'X&Y' and he's linking it to the haunting.'
The Oscar-winning beauty has reportedly approached a Kabbalah rabbi about having the home exorcised.
If the exorcism takes place, a team of the faith's followers will go into the house and read psalms and blow a ram's horn as part of the spiritual practice.
Gwyneth reportedly turned to the Kabbalah Centre on the advice of close friend Madonna, who is a devout follower of the mystical faith.

Silly celebrities continue to make a mockery of this ancient philosophy.
To discover the real Qabalah, read the works of Dion Fortune or modern respected occultists Melita Denning and Osborne Phillips.
I am soooooooo tired of moron celebrities. If there's a way to make something good and worthwhile look stupid and flighty, they will find it.
If I could find a way, I would exorcise them!
Maybe the phantom Prof will find the tunes blown on the horn compelling and will do the Electric Slide down Gwynnie's spiral staircase!

Peace anyway,
Cynical Lily

Prayer to St. Francis

Killbilly Deluxe posted this one and I was happy to be reminded of it!

Lord, make me an instrument of your peace.
Where there is hatred, let me sow love;
Where there is injury, pardon;
Where there is doubt, faith;
Where there is despair, hope;
Where there is darkness, light;
And where there is sadness, joy.
O, Divine Master,
Grant that I may not so much seek
To be consoled as to console;
To be understood as to understand;
To be loved as to love;
For it is in giving that we receive;
It is in pardoning that we are pardoned;
And it is in dying that we are born to eternal life.

Wisdom is in each religion. Why can't we all just accept this and have peace?
Thanks, Killbilly! Blessings on you and yours!

Love and Light,

Sunday, January 15, 2006

Jasynda's Book Of Shadows

Jasynda's Book Of Shadows
I think this could be interesting.

Friday, January 13, 2006


I have been tremendously sleep deprived lately. Around midnight I was pretty well drooling on the computer. I knew I wouldn't make it through the night and even if I did, I wouldn't make it home in the morning. So I opted to lie down on the too-short couch with the pager and cell phone next to my head. I have years of experience sleeping on "red alert" and the security guard never comes up here and it is rare for anyone to come into this area at night. Nonetheless, I hate to nap on the job. I'm always afraid on the rare occasion that I do that this will be the one time I'll be busted. Still, I really had no choice.
So I was lying on the couch and apparently fell quite quickly into a comatose sleep. I believe I astral projected because there was no way my body was going anywhere. While my body slept, I watched the cell phone and pager, hoping they wouldn't go off and that this wouldn't be the night the security guard decided to come prowling. Again, not very restful. But better than nothing.
I think a lot about the personality, which I believes survives the death of the body. But what form does it take?
I think about the various theories about spirits and hauntings. First of all, I would like to point out that I am aware that the "spirit orbs" one sees on films are dust particles. I knew this before it was ever explained. But there are other phenomena that can appear on film that are not so easily explained away.
What I saw tonight wasn't a dust particle!
An elderly lady using a walker came through the room. She passed in front of me. I thought "oh, crap, I'm really for it! One of the residents has caught me sleeping!"
"Ma'am, can I help you?" I said.
She ignored me and I realized that I wasn't using my physical voice to sleep. My body was in a very deep sleep.
"Fuck! I can't wake up!" I thought. "She'll report me and I'll lose my job."
But she just kept walking.
I managed to wake my body up a few seconds later. And I realized that no-one in physical form had been there.
I tend to think that what I saw was a haunting of the nature where an event has left energy behind and replays itself continually like a looped tape. The actual spirit has long since vacated the area. Although I do believe that they could be contacted if desired by touching on their energy imprint.
Make what you will of it.
I have no actual proof that it happened other than that I experienced it and it was different from simply dreaming. And I was sitting next to my own body on the couch.
However, those who doubt also have no proof that it didn't happen!
Spirit communication is a field that is wide open. There are a lot of charlatans, a lot of fake evidence. But there is also a reality that those who believe only in material existence are missing. I have confidence that one day they'll be proven wrong, just as those who said no-one would ever walk on the moon were proven wrong.
Love and Light,