Friday, September 01, 2006

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!!

Ok, I put the post about the dream back. And isn't that just a super spiritual title for this post?? I'm having a real internal battle with myself right now! It's in regards to the publication of my story...and admitting that a real actual ghost helped me write it. Hellloooo, straight jacket, as far as most of the world is concerned!
The problem is that not only am I sensitive to psychic phenomena, I'm also hypersensitive psychologically. I don't handle criticism well. You have to have a thick skin to be able to do something like this and I just don't. I don't know if you can be a psychic sensitive without also being sensitive in general.
The ghosty dude does not have much of an ego when it comes to getting credit where credit is due. He doesn't care whether or not I give him credit for his part in the book. But I'm hyper-honest and I believe that not giving him credit would be like stealing his work. I've considered publishing the book under a pseudonym but think that's kind of a chicken shit way out. Ah, fuck me! I'm having a fucking psychological breakdown right now! I think it's like getting married, which is something that I would rather be tarred and feathered than do again. It sounded just great until I got down to the wire. Now I've got the first draft entirely finished and am doing clean up work to prepare for publication. I've always wanted to be a published author and frankly the book was only ok before my ethereal friend started making suggestions. He's far more creative than I am on very deep esoteric levels. He can dispute this all he wants but unless he wants to hit me in the head with a real physical object, I will ignore his protestations. He deserves credit, and it's not like it's the first time the Cheesy One has been labeled a nut case, a devil worshipper, or even a necrophiliac. That last one was a remark made by someone who had confused necromancer (which I'm not either. There's a difference between a psychic medium and a necromancer) and a necrophile.
Why do I even give a fuck about being labeled abnormal? It's not like I've ever been mistaken for normal. Why, why, why was I not born "normal?" One of those boring little people who wants a boring little normal job with a boring normal husband, a dog, a cat, and 2.5 kids? But noooooooo! Instead I have to be the empathic bipolar nut case kook who talks to ghosts! And not "normal" ghosts either. Generally they are Earthbound spirits who had troubled lives. There is nothing "normal" going on here, I can assure you! If you were looking for normal, you have now entered the Abnormal Zone. We're mostly harmless in here but we are kind of scary-looking. So I guess if you're abnormal too, you'll be ok with that. If not, we'll let you leave unscathed. We might like making you jump (what's the fun of writing horror if you can't make people jump) but we don't have any real need to hurt anybody.
Oooook, I have officially cracked up now. Please send the nice people in the clean white coats...
they're coming to take me away!
Completely Cie
(Not channeling Lily, the Higher Self at all in this case!)