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Friday, September 01, 2006

Permission to Freak

There are very few things that people can tell me which will freak me out. I've had too many psychic experiences. Some might argue psychotic experiences. Whatever. I'm too old and tired to argue with you if you choose to believe that I'm plain nuts. That's okey dokey by me. And maybe you're right. If so I guess I have a rather icky surprise coming to me when my end comes. But sometimes you've just got to say "Fuck It" and believe what you believe regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I have a dream blog and perhaps this dream/astral communication belongs there. But it's here. And it's my bunch of blogs, so I'll categorize entries as I see fit!
If you click this link you can read what the Australian aboriginals believe about dreams and the spirits of the departed. I happen to subscribe to their beliefs.
If you click the title link you can read about and see photos of the guy that came to visit me. I belive that we have formed an actual friendship to the point of my actually using his input in the book I recently finished the first draft of, and crediting him for it. Believe what you want but don't be rude, because what I will say next is pretty deeply personal as far as we are both concerned. His poltergeist tendencies are pretty low but I'm not responsible for what happens should you piss him off too much!
He came to me in this dream in his stage makeup and dressed entirely in black. He has never appeared to me in makeup before. He was quite upset and was holding something small wrapped in a black blanket. When he opened it up there was a baby in the blanket. It was cold and still and its face was stark white.
"Please, I'm tired of carrying around the dead baby," he said. "I want to not have to carry it any more. What can I do?"
I didn't know what to advise him. The interesting thing is, I realized several years ago that even though my personality did not splinter as I believe his did, it has many facets. One of these facets is my own "dead baby." I think that every person who was sexually traumatized at a young age has a "dead baby" inside them. It is the trust in others, the dreams of being a "normal" child without a horrible secret, all the things that are lost to those who have been molested. It isn't truly "dead," but it is sleeping so soundly that it appears to be so. It is afraid to wake up.
I told my friend that I have a "dead baby" inside me too and that I didn't know what to do, that maybe one day we would both be healed and it would be too. I wept with him. I noticed that there were cuts on his arms, like there often were when he was alive. I told him that he didn't have to hurt himself any more. He thanked me for being kind to him even though I didn't have an answer. He said that maybe we would figure it out together.
Freaky, yes.
But around here, you have permission to freak!
Peace, blessings and healing to all who suffer.
Lily

2 comments:

Raine said...

this might sound overly simplistic-but couldnt he just simply put the baby down? It could have great meaning in an achetypical way

cheesemeister said...

Of course maybe we should have just gone and asked Raine! ;0)
That is a great suggestion. I'll have to input it next time I'm communicating with this particular spirit. He was always big on poetic allegory, but I think he'd like the stark simplicity of this suggestion. Sometimes the most obvious solution to another person on the outside is the last one seen by those involved!