Tuesday, September 05, 2006

Dream Interpretation

Click the title link to see an interesting page about dream interpretation.

Friday, September 01, 2006

Fuckity fuck fuck fuck!!!!

Ok, I put the post about the dream back. And isn't that just a super spiritual title for this post?? I'm having a real internal battle with myself right now! It's in regards to the publication of my story...and admitting that a real actual ghost helped me write it. Hellloooo, straight jacket, as far as most of the world is concerned!
The problem is that not only am I sensitive to psychic phenomena, I'm also hypersensitive psychologically. I don't handle criticism well. You have to have a thick skin to be able to do something like this and I just don't. I don't know if you can be a psychic sensitive without also being sensitive in general.
The ghosty dude does not have much of an ego when it comes to getting credit where credit is due. He doesn't care whether or not I give him credit for his part in the book. But I'm hyper-honest and I believe that not giving him credit would be like stealing his work. I've considered publishing the book under a pseudonym but think that's kind of a chicken shit way out. Ah, fuck me! I'm having a fucking psychological breakdown right now! I think it's like getting married, which is something that I would rather be tarred and feathered than do again. It sounded just great until I got down to the wire. Now I've got the first draft entirely finished and am doing clean up work to prepare for publication. I've always wanted to be a published author and frankly the book was only ok before my ethereal friend started making suggestions. He's far more creative than I am on very deep esoteric levels. He can dispute this all he wants but unless he wants to hit me in the head with a real physical object, I will ignore his protestations. He deserves credit, and it's not like it's the first time the Cheesy One has been labeled a nut case, a devil worshipper, or even a necrophiliac. That last one was a remark made by someone who had confused necromancer (which I'm not either. There's a difference between a psychic medium and a necromancer) and a necrophile.
Why do I even give a fuck about being labeled abnormal? It's not like I've ever been mistaken for normal. Why, why, why was I not born "normal?" One of those boring little people who wants a boring little normal job with a boring normal husband, a dog, a cat, and 2.5 kids? But noooooooo! Instead I have to be the empathic bipolar nut case kook who talks to ghosts! And not "normal" ghosts either. Generally they are Earthbound spirits who had troubled lives. There is nothing "normal" going on here, I can assure you! If you were looking for normal, you have now entered the Abnormal Zone. We're mostly harmless in here but we are kind of scary-looking. So I guess if you're abnormal too, you'll be ok with that. If not, we'll let you leave unscathed. We might like making you jump (what's the fun of writing horror if you can't make people jump) but we don't have any real need to hurt anybody.
Oooook, I have officially cracked up now. Please send the nice people in the clean white coats...
they're coming to take me away!
Completely Cie
(Not channeling Lily, the Higher Self at all in this case!)

Too Personal

I did have a post here about a dream or astral experience I'd had, and some of you may have wondered where it went. I deleted it. There are some things that are just too personal.

Permission to Freak

There are very few things that people can tell me which will freak me out. I've had too many psychic experiences. Some might argue psychotic experiences. Whatever. I'm too old and tired to argue with you if you choose to believe that I'm plain nuts. That's okey dokey by me. And maybe you're right. If so I guess I have a rather icky surprise coming to me when my end comes. But sometimes you've just got to say "Fuck It" and believe what you believe regardless of what anyone else thinks.
I have a dream blog and perhaps this dream/astral communication belongs there. But it's here. And it's my bunch of blogs, so I'll categorize entries as I see fit!
If you click this link you can read what the Australian aboriginals believe about dreams and the spirits of the departed. I happen to subscribe to their beliefs.
If you click the title link you can read about and see photos of the guy that came to visit me. I belive that we have formed an actual friendship to the point of my actually using his input in the book I recently finished the first draft of, and crediting him for it. Believe what you want but don't be rude, because what I will say next is pretty deeply personal as far as we are both concerned. His poltergeist tendencies are pretty low but I'm not responsible for what happens should you piss him off too much!
He came to me in this dream in his stage makeup and dressed entirely in black. He has never appeared to me in makeup before. He was quite upset and was holding something small wrapped in a black blanket. When he opened it up there was a baby in the blanket. It was cold and still and its face was stark white.
"Please, I'm tired of carrying around the dead baby," he said. "I want to not have to carry it any more. What can I do?"
I didn't know what to advise him. The interesting thing is, I realized several years ago that even though my personality did not splinter as I believe his did, it has many facets. One of these facets is my own "dead baby." I think that every person who was sexually traumatized at a young age has a "dead baby" inside them. It is the trust in others, the dreams of being a "normal" child without a horrible secret, all the things that are lost to those who have been molested. It isn't truly "dead," but it is sleeping so soundly that it appears to be so. It is afraid to wake up.
I told my friend that I have a "dead baby" inside me too and that I didn't know what to do, that maybe one day we would both be healed and it would be too. I wept with him. I noticed that there were cuts on his arms, like there often were when he was alive. I told him that he didn't have to hurt himself any more. He thanked me for being kind to him even though I didn't have an answer. He said that maybe we would figure it out together.
Freaky, yes.
But around here, you have permission to freak!
Peace, blessings and healing to all who suffer.