The Satanic Panics and the Development of My Spirituality

This is a response to my friend Mago's comments on my last post.
These accusations of Satanism against anyone who isn't a Christian certainly are anti-enlightenment. I used to attend the Unitarian church in my 20's because it didn't have any of the "Bible-thumpin'" that comes with most Judeo-Christian churches, but I stopped going there because of the scoffing attitude about anything spiritual in their case. I personally believe that there isn't only the life and death of the body, but that certain forces survive physical death and there are certain forces that modern science cannot yet measure. However, I did learn some good lessons in my time there. One minister talked about how as a child growing up in a Southern Baptist church, he was actually told that too much knowledge was a bad thing. God did not want humans having too much knowledge. Many narrow-minded people still subscribe to this unenlightened point of view and are greatly afraid of anyone who doesn't want to.
I was in high school when the "Satanic Panics" in the 1980's were in full swing. It is evident to me now that this was an American epidemic. Anyone who listened to "the devil's music," aka hard rock, was of course killing babies, puppies and kittens on the side. Not to mention the orgies we had. Boy howdy! We would spread the blood of our victims over our naked bodies and have sex all night!
NOT!
We did drink a lot of beer and smoke a lot of weed, though.
Honestly, I wasn't even a Pagan at the time that I was accused of being a Satanist. I was a church-going Catholic! A church-going Catholic that loved rock music. But I was also one rebel spirit, and I figured if I were going to be accused of being a Satanist, I might as well check it out. Not that I ever sacrificed anything, mind. Any blood used in my ceremonies was my own.
I'm a bit reluctant to discuss it, but I got the hell scared out of me quite early on and demons attempted to possess me during weak times in my life from that point on until 2005 when my spectral friend and co-author came along and started chasing them away. However, in spite of my fear that I was going to hell, I could no longer bear the intolerance of the Christian religion that I had grown up with, and began investigating Wicca when I was seventeen after a friend did a Tarot reading for me. He was not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was able to give me an incredibly accurate reading, and I was intrigued. I found the Pagan path to be one of peace and enlightenment where you could explore many possibilities. Sadly, I have in my time met more than one intolerant Wiccan, and this is why I am a solitary practitioner and a student of all religions. I have raised a son who is open-minded, tolerant, and fortunately, free of the bonds of guilt and fear that still affect me at various times in my life. He certainly would not have gotten a hurt feeling at being accused of Satanism by some narrow-minded mutton-head. He would have laughed at them. So it would appear that in this troubled life of mine, I have managed to do one thing right.
So I thank you for your comment on the last post, because it gave me this opportunity to explain a little more about myself and my beliefs. Sometimes I find that hard to do in an honest way.

Give Me Something To Believe In

Cause I sure as hell can't believe in the mean, judgmental, insecure god that I grew up with.

Even if Yaweh turned out to be the only game in town, who the hell needs it?

"God is not in some building. God is in nature and God is in each of us."

--Gaahl (Gorgoroth)

"In this century the christian church has made a great effort to make people believe that tolerance was a christian virtue. However you only need to look at history to see that this is quite untrue."

From Grolheim.dk

"One should envision one's Gods as being at least as good as the best human beings. The best of us would not damn people for eternity for an honest difference of opinion or for petty faults. The best among us would not damn people for eternity at all. Judged by these criteria, the God of the fundamentalist Christians is unworthy of worship. In the unlikely event he is actually in charge, I would gladly go to hell with my head held high. At the same time, while I disagree with Christian teachings from their foundation myths on up, I am not going to attack something that brings hope, comfort and inspiration to people and makes them kinder and more honest human beings."

From the home page of Jordsvin, who seems a jolly good fellow! Loki sez: "Visit him, or else!" ;-)

In all truth, I am going through quite a rough spot right now. What makes it rougher is that the problem does not belong to me, it belongs to someone whom I would gladly take it from. In my youth I was taught that bad things happen to bad people and that we must beg the heavy-handed Almighty for forgiveness. I have become less and less tolerant of the heavy-handed almighty over the past few years. I actually relinquished my Catholicism when I was 18 and began exploring Pagan mysticism, but let's face it, Folks, once a Catholic always a Catholic, to an extent. The guilt is in you like an encapsulated virus and will resurface. When things get tough, the feeling that somehow you brought this on yourself by not being good enough will come and hit you upside the head with the force of 10 Mjollnirs.

I did not raise my son (the person going through the hard time) with the horrible, horrible Catholic guilt. He was always free to explore the possibilities. He doesn't adhere to any particular religion but his beliefs tend to be sort of a general Neopaganism mixed with Buddhism, the great thing about Buddhism being that it is a philosophy rather than a religion so it can fit in nicely with any religion. My son is thankfully free from the horrors that visit me, the fear that because of my abandonment of the rather mean-spirited dogma of my childhood, the fires of hell are awaitin' and there will be no butter in Hell!*

I end up on the defensive about being viewed as a "Satan Worshipper" even now. My son, on the other hand, rather than viewing Satan as the anti-good views him as a trickster deity, worthy of the same respect as any other deity. If you come to Satan asking him for something, he may very well give it to you. But there will always be a price, and I'm not talking about sacrificing your neighbor's dog or your neighbor. The true Satan is an intellectual deity who doesn't care one whit one way or another about such things. According to my son's view, Satan is in the same class as Set, Loki, and other trickster deities. Such deities know your mind, heart and soul. Be very, very careful about approaching such a being. They will not destroy you directly, but they may allow you to destroy yourself.

As well, Satan and Lucifer are two entirely different entities that are often confused. But this is an essay for another time.

For myself personally, when it comes to issues such as prosperity, I find that a deity such as Ganesha preferable to petition. Lord Ganesha is not going to grant petitions such as "make me the most richest beeyatch with the most bling so I can be better than everyone else" because that would be completely self-serving. He wants to know that your intentions are honorable, but generally he won't punish you for asking even if the request isn't entirely honorable. You really have to piss him off for him to get medieval on your ass.

However, I have digressed. My son, who is a very wise and kind soul, is going through great difficulty in his life at this time. Unfortunately people on both sides of his family are prone to mood disorders, and he is experiencing problems with severe social anxiety, which cause him to isolate himself, and which then contribute to major depression. He checked into the psych unit voluntarily because he was suicidal. I'm glad he did this, and the clinicians there seem very compassionate and humane, not like back in my day when I attempted suicide and this nurse told me "you're a freak and you'll always be a freak. People like you can never be normal." My retort was "well, I'd rather be a freak than a fucking bitch like you."

Thus, if anyone reading this would be so kind as to petition whichever Powers that Be that appeal to you, or simply send positive thoughts to my son Michael that he may be guided to recovery and to learn helpful coping skills to deal with his social anxiety, it is appreciated.

Blessed be,

Lily

*(disclaimer: I do not and will never have a problem with Jesus Christ, who was a kind and enlightened soul that wanted the best for people. I have a problem with the judgmental and intolerant institution that uses his name, and I feel that they sure as hell ain't asking themselves "what would Jesus do" when they pour their hateful diatribe upon the world. And I have a problem with the harsh, judgmental God of this church.)