The Satanic Panics and the Development of My Spirituality

This is a response to my friend Mago's comments on my last post.
These accusations of Satanism against anyone who isn't a Christian certainly are anti-enlightenment. I used to attend the Unitarian church in my 20's because it didn't have any of the "Bible-thumpin'" that comes with most Judeo-Christian churches, but I stopped going there because of the scoffing attitude about anything spiritual in their case. I personally believe that there isn't only the life and death of the body, but that certain forces survive physical death and there are certain forces that modern science cannot yet measure. However, I did learn some good lessons in my time there. One minister talked about how as a child growing up in a Southern Baptist church, he was actually told that too much knowledge was a bad thing. God did not want humans having too much knowledge. Many narrow-minded people still subscribe to this unenlightened point of view and are greatly afraid of anyone who doesn't want to.
I was in high school when the "Satanic Panics" in the 1980's were in full swing. It is evident to me now that this was an American epidemic. Anyone who listened to "the devil's music," aka hard rock, was of course killing babies, puppies and kittens on the side. Not to mention the orgies we had. Boy howdy! We would spread the blood of our victims over our naked bodies and have sex all night!
NOT!
We did drink a lot of beer and smoke a lot of weed, though.
Honestly, I wasn't even a Pagan at the time that I was accused of being a Satanist. I was a church-going Catholic! A church-going Catholic that loved rock music. But I was also one rebel spirit, and I figured if I were going to be accused of being a Satanist, I might as well check it out. Not that I ever sacrificed anything, mind. Any blood used in my ceremonies was my own.
I'm a bit reluctant to discuss it, but I got the hell scared out of me quite early on and demons attempted to possess me during weak times in my life from that point on until 2005 when my spectral friend and co-author came along and started chasing them away. However, in spite of my fear that I was going to hell, I could no longer bear the intolerance of the Christian religion that I had grown up with, and began investigating Wicca when I was seventeen after a friend did a Tarot reading for me. He was not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was able to give me an incredibly accurate reading, and I was intrigued. I found the Pagan path to be one of peace and enlightenment where you could explore many possibilities. Sadly, I have in my time met more than one intolerant Wiccan, and this is why I am a solitary practitioner and a student of all religions. I have raised a son who is open-minded, tolerant, and fortunately, free of the bonds of guilt and fear that still affect me at various times in my life. He certainly would not have gotten a hurt feeling at being accused of Satanism by some narrow-minded mutton-head. He would have laughed at them. So it would appear that in this troubled life of mine, I have managed to do one thing right.
So I thank you for your comment on the last post, because it gave me this opportunity to explain a little more about myself and my beliefs. Sometimes I find that hard to do in an honest way.

How To Be A Pariah

It's easy in a closed-minded society. But let me tell you how I managed it 25 years ago.

My one semester in college occurred during the Satanic Panic fervor. 18 and thick as a brick, I naively thought that people who went to college were more open-minded than other folk. Gives you the idea that maybe, just maybe, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. But I have learned a lot since then. Big lesson learned: most people are terrified, narrow minded sheep. If this were the middle ages I would have been burned at the stake a long time ago. But since there are laws preventing "good" Christian folk from burning evil polytheists at the stake these days, their blood lust now goes unthwarted most of the time in this society.

I was drawn like a moth to a flame to anything containing alcohol, and my tongue was loosened. I gleefully told everyone about my ability to talk to ghosts. And when the subject of religion came up I openly told them about being raised Catholic but having found polytheism. Lo and behold, I was now a pariah.

My room mate moved out, fearing that I, the "Satan Worshipper" would sacrifice her like a goat one night in her sleep. Unbelievably, I still had a few friends but most of the other dorm dwellers talked in whispers when I came by, left rude missives on my message board, and ducked into their rooms if they saw me coming. My mental health took a turn for the worse. I was always getting blasted or high, often with people I didn't know. In one case using beer bongs at a party till I lost count, wandering off in a state of oblivion until I knocked on the door of some more people I didn't know, who turned out, luckily, to be a very mellow, pot-smoking grad student couple who called a cab for me between tokes. I went to the student health center because my stomach hurt terribly, left when it stopped hurting, met another group of people I didn't know and partyed with them till daylight. Another time didn't turn out so well. A bit too trusting of a fellow whom I met in line for concert tickets for AC/DC I went with him to have a few drinks and get high. He wanted "payment" for the drinks and weed. I didn't want to give him payment but was too wasted to fight, so he took his payment. I ended up a worse mess than ever psychologically. Somewhere during this psychological hell I met and began a codependent relationship with my ex husband.

Since then I have developed a "don't ask don't tell" policy when it comes to topics like psychic phenomena and religious beliefs. Even then I generally just tell those who ask that I'm a Buddhist, which is, in fact, part of the truth. I go to the Buddhist temple to meditate when I can. I put up Tara and Buddha statuettes on my desk while working at night. With Buddhism, one is working on improving their relationship to themselves and the Universe, not telling others what to think and do. So yes, I am a Buddhist. But while I don't deny my Pagan beliefs I don't tell too many people outright either. The place that I work is run by a Christian organization, so you can see that this wouldn't go over too well. I'm not going to pretend that I'm a "good" practicing Christian, but I'm going to protect myself too. Because in this case, being a pariah can mean loss of income, and I'm just not ready for the lesson of being homeless yet.

And I sure as hell ain't gonna blurt out that I wrote a book with the help of a ghost or that I've been talking to ghosts for a goodly portion of my life. Because Cie Cheesemeister didn't write a book with a ghost--Lily Strange did. Very few people that I have personal contact with will ever know that the two are one and the same. Luckily, I don't think that my "big ole Satan worshippin' book of sin an' evil" will ever be something to catch the attention of most bible thumpin' Corset Christians. Unless they're burning it, of course.