Tuesday, December 25, 2007

The Cards Don't Lie

But sometimes they can be difficult to interpret--especially for yourself. Which is why I avoid doing readings for myself.
My current method of worship and reflection takes into account my polytheistic belief system. I set up the Buddha and Tara statuettes. I want to add a Ganesha statuette in the future. I draw cards from the Mandala deck, which features Hindu deities, one from the Goddess deck and the archangel deck, both created by Doreen Virtue, one from the animal guides deck and one from the non-denominational prayers deck. Each of these items tells me something I need to be aware of, a devotion I need to focus on at the given time.
Something disquieting happened during the two sessions previous to my Yule devotion, which I did last night. Yeah I know, running late as usual. I'll probably be late for my own funeral. On a not so amusing note, Lord Yama, a Hindu deity of death, appeared as the focus card from the Hindu deities deck. This did not set well with me. Try though I might to believe that he meant I should be focusing on transitions in the living world, he seemed to be telling me that his appearance pertained to a physical death. I didn't want to. The first person I thought of was my father. He has been in poor health since his stroke three and a half years ago. He has terrible sores on his legs that won't heal due to the edema. He has atrial fibrillation but dares not take the drugs that are generally prescribed for this because they thin the blood and he had a hemorrhagic stroke, not a clot. When I went over to my parents' house on Sunday, my father didn't answer when my mother called down the stairs. I said I'd go down and see what he was up to. She said "one of these days..." She didn't have to finish. I knew what she meant. I said "yeah, I know. But not today." And he was fine. He was shredding old documents. I think he really enjoys that paper shredder. I had to unjam it one day when I was over because he'd fed too much into it at a go.
Much though I wanted to deny what Lord Yama was obviously telling me, the truth will not be denied. However, it wasn't my father this time. It was a friend's husband who discovered just a couple months ago that he had esophageal cancer. I hope everyone will send healing energy to her and her family. If you feel comfortable doing so, you can also leave a message of sympathy for her on her blog.
I was surprised at how fast he went, although when they found the cancer he was already in the end stage. He had just started getting chemo. I felt that he would be in spirit come next winter but I didn't think it would happen this soon. I had sent them a gift card for video rentals from Blockbuster and dinner from Chili's. I hoped perhaps it would give them a good memory to have come next Yule when they would be separated by the veil between this world and the spirit realm. Now it will arrive to find my friend alone and I feel like a real asshole, like I'm pouring salt in the wounds by having sent it. Of course I didn't do it this way intentionally. I am not super-accurate with exact dates and times of events. I get a "big picture" sense of things. I sense atmospheres surrounding people and I talk to people that are already dead, if they want to talk to me. But I still feel as if I was unintentionally cruel and that really bothers me.
Even though I know that it isn't "evil"and I've been doing it for a lot of years and I know that there is an afterlife and powers greater than we who live in the material realm, sometimes the whole diviniation/precognition thing gives me the heebie jeebies. When I start getting messages like this, I don't want them. It makes me think about subjects that were presented as frightening and taboo. In the culture of the Australian Aboriginals, they believe that a person comes from the All That Is, incarnates in the world for a time, and returns to the All That Is. If someone "dreams" of a dead relative or friend, everyone accepts that the dreamer and the spirit person were truly spending time together. In the Western culture, such an event is dismissed as the dreamer's subconscious mind playing tricks on them. With all I've experienced, I think the Western belief is bullshit. There have been many times when I wished the cards were lying. But they don't. And the dead aren't gone, they're just different. They have energy bodies instead of physical ones. But they still have thoughts, needs and wishes. And they do still love the ones they leave behind.
My deepest sympathies to Raine on your loss. I am so very sorry.

My End of Year Divination

I use this method with my regular ceremonies but this will let me know what to look for in the coming year.
From the Mandala Wisdom deck I receive the message of Yamuna Devi, the goddess of purification. She indicates that I will be given opportunities to grow spiritually in the coming year and to purge from my psyche all that no longer suits. Outmoded attitudes, possibly defensiveness and tendency to anger. I pray to her that I come to believe in myself and my abilities more, not to be vain and arrogant but to be confident and know that I am just as deserving of blessings as others. I also pray that my past erroneous actions may be forgiven and the negative karma washed away.
From the Goddess deck I receive the wisdom of Sedna. She foretells of positive gain. I have always been afraid to pray/petition for this because my upbringing taught me that to do so was evil and would bring misfortune. I pray to her that I allow myself to gracefully receive blessings and to be able to ask for what I need, not to be greedy or to have more than others but to have enough to be comfortable and to share with others.
From the Archangel Jophiel I receive the message that I need to get outside in nature more often. This will clear me of the negative entities that tend to attach themselves to me and help me renew and strengthen given the fact that I work in a place where the door between the physical and spirit realm is often opened due to the fact that so many people die where I work. (retirement community/assisted living/nursing home) There are several earthbound spirits here and also several portals where heebie-jeebies from the lower astral like to come in and try to suck energy like the little vampires they are. Being outdoors helps clear these energies and strengthen the aura. I ask for Jophiel to give me the nudge I need to overcome my exhaustions and to do this.
My animal messenger is the Seal. The Seal advises that hard work and inspiration are the foudation of true creativity. Or, as Ringo Starr said, "you got to pay your dues if you want to sing the blues and you know it don't come easy."
Frustrations, expectations, wanting quick recognition...guilty as charged.
The Seal also advises, as a denizen of both water and land, that the "landscapes of the mind may be made material." I must focus on the various aspects of manifesting what I want. And maybe dare to dream a little again.
I know I've been called upon to do what I'm doing and I answered the call. Nobody forced me, I went willingly. Whether the rest of the world simply thinks I'm daft for what I believe can't be allowed to influence me or I'm doomed to failure. Let 'em think it. I'm going to do it anyway.
And these are my affirmations which I must return to once a week to fully absorb their truths over this coming year.
A Meditation for Acceptance
Whatever is in harmony with you, O Universe
Is in harmony with me
Whatever comes in due season for you
Is not too early or too late for me
What your seasons bring is fruit for me
For all things come from You
And return to You
--Marcus Aurelius
For what we eat
For what we wear
For melodies heard
For wonders seen
For what we have
For what will come
For family, friends
For love that's blessed
For gifts of hope
For lives of grace
May we give thanks
And be joyful
--Michelle Close Mills
I was only going to draw one card from the "Pocket Prayers" deck but the two that ended up at the front had the same picture on the back, so I took it as an omen.
To me these prayers signify taking a more Zen attitude, having more patience, and being grateful for what is instead of pissed off about what isn't. Yeah...I have difficulty with this. I will take the wisdom I have been given and give thanks for it. And I will try.
That is my advice given me by the Universe during my Yule celebration. I place it here so I can return to it and see how well I am doing. And if my method strikes a chord with any of you, feel free to use it!
Blessings to anyone reading this and best wishes for your coming year.

Saturday, December 22, 2007

Xmahannuramakwanzyule Meme and PANSI'S Plea

I wasn't invited to do this but I stole it from here and did it anyways. Because when you're as unpopular as me, you get used to crashing the party!


When people say Christmas you immediately think:

Oh greed! Food and presents!

Favorite Christmas memory:

Putting up the tree. We used to really have a beautiful tree every year and lots of nice decorations. It was great to put up and hell to take down.

Favorite Christmas song/carol:

I like the Little Drummer Boy, God Rest Ye Merry Gentlemen, What Child is This, the Carol of the Bells, and a bunch of stuff on the Celtic Christmas album. I also like the Coventry Carol, but it's very sad.

Favorite Christmas movie:

Probably A Christmas Story because it's funny.

Your favorite Christmas character..:

The animals in the manger!

Favorite ornament/object:

There were some handmade ones that my great-grandmother sent us that I really loved. Those and the birds. And the glass ones. I'm getting a bit fucking nostalgic here.

What are your plans for Christmas?

I'll be working, Beeyatch. No joke.

Other than that, I'll give my son his gifts. And make a halfway nice dinner. Now I'm feeling pissy and humbuggy about the working thing. Fucking Alvin N. Chipmunkk! (My boss)

If you want to play, you're tagged. Tell me where you did the dirty deed so I can come and see the results.

And now, here's PANSI.

First becuz of the incompatent's of the CHEESE MISTRESS it look's like I am going to be without CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S this yeer! I sertanly dont no what Mrs. Weirdso was thinking when she sent me to the Never World! It was probly part of some heething packt that her and the CHEESE MISTRESS have! And now to ad insult's to injery's, the CHEESE MISTRESS puts my importent messaje about my not getting CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S after her dumb thingy about what she thinks of Christmas when she is just a big heething anyway's! I reely hope there are some good pepul heer who will help corekt the dumb mistakes of the CHEESE MISTRESS. I hope you will go heer to reed my urjent plee and see how you can get me some CHRISTMAS PRESENT'S! PLEESE!!! I am cownting on you!

Kiss Kiss,


Thursday, December 20, 2007

Silly Meme

You Should Have Been Born Under:

You've got a ton of energy - and need plenty of room to roam.
You tend to follow your whims, and it's hard for you to stick to one thing.
Specific jobs, loves, and friends are always changing and never a part of your life for long.
Very intuitive, you tend to know what people are thinking before they say a word.

You are most compatible with a Dog or Tiger.

I'm actually a Snake.

Monday, December 17, 2007

Meditation/Spiritual Practice and Exhaustion

I was raised with a religion wherein there were a lot of things that could make you a BAD PERSON. One of these things was being remiss about attending services on the given day at the given time. This may be one reason why I was drawn initially to solitary esoteric work and later to Buddhism as well. There wasn't so much dogma. "You have to do Y on day X, or you'll go to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS!!! AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE IS NO BUTTER IN HELL AND SO YOU WILL FRY PAINFULLY WITH NO EMULSIFYER."
Even when I left behind the religion of rigid dogma, this is one of the beliefs that piggybacked on my subconscious, along with if you wish for money something horrible will happen to you. This belief may well be blocking the free flow of positive energy between myself and the Universe. For instance, I have been zombie tired the past few days. I can barely muster the energy to place the Tara and Buddha statuettes, let alone do any sort of invocations. While Tara and Buddha are not the sort of deities to strike one down with lightning for not worshipping on schedule, I still feel the old I AM NOT WORTHY creeping in. The only thing I can do is recognize it and let it go. Holding onto it or fighting it are only going to do me no good. So I may have to repeat for a while that this is an erroneous belief and must be released before it finally departs. But I won't wrestle with it because wrestling only allows it to keep its hold on me.
Peace and blessings.

Tuesday, December 04, 2007

Angelic Prayer

Merry Meet!
Here is a prayer to the Angelic Forces to help cease hostilties in the Middle East.
Blessed Be


Merry meet! Today I was looking for invocations of Aphrodite. I found some that I thought were particularly helpful.
Here is a site that you may find helpful. It contains invocations to various Gods and Goddesses.
Here is one that has meditations specifically focused on Aphrodite.
Seeing these links, one might think I was foolishly lusting after an unattainable lover as I have done in the past too many times. No such thing! I simply decided that always doing rituals according to a day and time felt too cut and dry to me and I needed something fresh. I have divination decks from which I draw cards. Today Aphrodite is with me. She is far more than a goddess of sexual love although that is one of the areas she certainly rules over. She also helps with friendship love, with the arts, and with gardening. So today I was looking for ways to honor her.
Blessed be.