Sunday, December 28, 2008

The Yahweh as an Almighty Alien Theory

I'll plead the fifth on directly answering as to what my thoughts are about this. I hold to the belief that anything is possible although most things suck.

Tuesday, December 23, 2008

Web of Qabalah…ofqabalah/

Fellow students of the mysteries will appreciate this fine website.

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On Religion and Mental Illness and sympathy for the Devil

A blog friend of mine who also suffers from bipolar is going through a tough spot in this holly jolly fucking season. She had this to say regarding her family:
They all belong to 2 schools of thougth: 1) If you have a mental illness it’s because you aren’t a Christian & will be al better if you ask Jesus into your heart. 2) Pull up your boot straps & march on!! Well, I was a Christian & experienced both mania & depression, I did as a teen, too; my point is that my mental illness was not healed when I became a Christian. The fact that they don’t acknowledge mental illness both hurts & infuriates me, yet I’m sure part of the reason they dismiss anything I say is because they’d say I’m mentally ill.
I was inspired to reply:
I know just what you mean about the Christian thing. I was raised Catholic. With all love and respect due to the wonderful, benevolent, enlightened soul Jesus, I cannot stand the dogma of the Christian churches. I first attempted suicide while I was still a devout Catholic. I got a lot of the Bootstrap philosophy growing up too. Best not tell anyone you have mental problems or you’ll never get a job. Nobody wants to hire a nut case. Believe me, I heard it often. Well, fuckemall!

I didn't mention this because it wasn't relevant to the post, but I have also gotten this gem from both Christians and New Age types:
Mental illness is caused by demons. If you just exorcise the demons, you'll be ok.
I actually believe in the existence of demons. However, it's like giving coffee to a drunk. What you have is an awake drunk. If you exorcise a mentally ill person, what you have is a mentally ill person who is freed from the influence of demons for a time. They are still mentally ill.
Demons tend to seek out those whose auras are weakened, and the self-esteem deficits that come part and parcel with mental illness open weak spots in the aura and put out a welcome sign for the demons, who then proceed to mentally torture the unfortunate soul. This is why flirting with the darker sides of mysticism tend to be dangerous from anyone who suffers from mental illness. While a perfectly mentally stable and highly adept magician might be able to have a positive experience conversing with a demon, most of us would be advised to avoid such discourses.
Unfortunately, the Dark Arts tend to draw persons who are mentally unstable (myself included in my younger days) because a) our life has been shit in many ways and b) we want a positive change and FAST, and the more benevolent magicks tend to take longer to work.
It was my son who postulated Satan as a positive force as far as the workings of the Universe, but one to be reckoned with very cautiously. He stated that in his view, Satan is a trickster deity. He presents people with temptations and answers their wishes. However, if these wishes are selfish in nature (which the majority of them are) they will lead to the downfall of the person making the wish.
Satan, by the way, does not possess people. He has no need to do so. People will fuck themselves over quite well all on their own. It is various minor demons that possess people. These feed on the misery of their victim.
As trickster deities go, I once called on Loki to shake things up in my incredibly miserable life. I was 23 and had been in a severe depression for about a year. I felt I had nothing to lose. Fortunately, for whatever reason, Loki seems to be kindly disposed towards me. I don't ask him for anything unless I really mean it. I am inclined to believe that he may have played a part in bringing me into partnership with a certain Norse spectre with whom I write books.
The mills of the Gods grind slow, but they grind exceeding fine.

A replica of a carving of the god Loki featured on a stone furnace shield. Loki is the patron gods of blacksmiths. If you are a blacksmith or just like Loki, get your stone shield here.
The only thing that could make it cooler is if Loki would autograph it. Because I'm a doofus I can just see this: "Best wishes to my friend so and so from Loki."


At this point I'm either an agnostic or a gnostic Pagan Buddhist depending on what day you catch me on. In other words, if there is a creator deity (or multiple deities) then it wants us to be decent to each other is my philosophy!

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Monday, December 22, 2008

And just what does THIS say about me??

I know y'all will think this is crazy given my metaphysical beliefs and my love of heavy metal music, but I actually LIKE the show "Touched By an Angel." I shoulda been a Gemini, astrologically, as often as I find myself conflicting with myself this way. But I don't have Gemini anywhere in my chart. For the basics, I have an Aquarius sun with Aquarius rising and a Leo moon. I have Virgo and Scorpio in my chart. I think the Scorpio is in Saturn and the Virgo is in Mars. But no Gemini to speak of.

Honestly, I like it when people have eclectic tastes. Personally, I'm tired of apologizing for mine. Like Popeye sez, I Yam What I Yam.

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New Strange World Update

I've updated my personal social network, New Strange World.…angeworld/ This is a place for creative, open-minded people, especially those with an interest in the esoteric or mystic.

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Sunday, December 21, 2008

A description of my mediumistic abilities (from Experience Project)

I am an empathic or clairsentient medium. I can sense emotions from the living as well, but my book was written based on information I received from a very interesting ghost. Interestingly, the spirits who talk to me are rarely people that I knew in life. Most are musicians (go figure) and most died prematurely or violently. All of them are earthbound. And they hate having people try to "send them to the light" when they aren't ready. This may be why they like me--because I listen to them and don't try to send them anywhere. Most of them have been nothing but kind to me. I don't fear them and hate when "real life" grounds me too much to really be able to sense them.

Saturday, December 20, 2008

Check me out on E-Snips

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Thursday, December 18, 2008

Positive Energy Appreciated

Please send some positive energy to my brother if you can spare a little. I know you don't know him of course but he will have to have back surgery this coming April. He is one of the Real Heroes, working as a firefighter and a paramedic and a SWAT medic. He injured his back when he came down off the fire engine and slipped. Right now he's getting cortisone shots to relieve the pain. Just wish I could do something more to help.

Sunday, December 14, 2008

Supporting Each Other

The microblogs Twitter and Utterli are not only tools for keeping in touch with online friends, they are promotional tools. Some of you may already be using these.
For those who are new to microblogging or who haven't heard of the less well-known Utterli, you can post short messages, including links using these services. The easiest way is to sign up for both and then post your messages in Utterli and have it cross-post to Twitter so you don't have to type the same thing twice, as Utterli has this ability. You can also cross-post to Blogger, Flickr, You Tube, and I believe Word Pad or Type Pad and Live Journal, and you can link Utterli to your Facebook profile.
If you are a writer or performance artist or market any kind of product or service, we can help each other by following each other on Twitter and Utterli as well. Or we can just have fun. I use my pen name (Lily Strange) rather than my affiliate marketing name (Jobkiller) as I initially started using these services to promote my book. I'm good with having a ton of blogs but having a ton of microblog profiles too would only drive me over the edge of insanity for certain!
For artistic types (artists, writers, musicians) there is also Humble Voice. I almost gave up on it at first--the platform isn't the easiest to use. But once I got the hang of it, I liked it. I've posted several poems and paragraphs to my albums. I have not, however, figured out how to change my profile. I've been getting spams to my inbox from girls looking for a sugar daddy! If that's your kind of thing, you may be rushing to sign up for Humble Voice toot sweet just for that! But considering that I'm straight and have neither the means nor the desire to be a sugar mama anyway, I just think it's funny.
My Facebook profile is
You freaks might also want to join Vampire Freaks. Not just for vampire fans, also a good place for bands, artists and writers to promote themselves.
And don't forget about my place for those "of a mind" or at least of an open mind when it comes to the paranormal. among your own kind. Leave the pig faced people to their pig faced world. Being a freak is beautiful!
My Twitter profile is and my Utterli profile is
If you'd like to follow each other on these services, go ahead and leave a comment with your Twitter and Utterli profile links and I'll follow you!
To our success/friendship/excuse to kill time

A little somethin-somethin about me

Many of you already know this stuff about me, but for those who don't, here's a little meme that we did over at the What Happened to the Magick cult on Vampire Freaks.

Name: Lily Strange
(not my real name, but the name I write under. My real name sounds like I'd write revolting romances. Yech!)
Age: 43
(and still alive despite my best efforts)
Location: United States

And if you feel like it:

Chosen path: I just describe myself as a mystic, or a gnostic. I take wisdom where I find it. The name of the religion doesn't matter.
Starsign: Aquarius
What got you interested in the occult: I was raised Catholic and I hated all the dogma. I fooled around with trying to conjure demons when I was 16, until I got the hell scared out of me.
When I was 17, a friend of mine did a tarot reading for me. That was the first time I'd ever seen Tarot cards. He wasn't the sharpest tool in the shed, yet the reading he did was incredibly accurate.
I also come from a very psychic family. My great grandfather could see ghosts. Everyone on my mother's side of the family has precognitive dreams. When I was a child, I used to be able to see animal ghosts. I have seen one human ghost, but I talk to ghosts frequently.
Who invited you: Lynzi, I think
Anything else:
Well, since people here may be "of a mind," I don't mind pimping my book. Hope it's ok that I do.
So far this has a really good feel. Cool--I could use that!

Wednesday, December 10, 2008

Animal welfare drive

Please consider making a donation to this drive for animal welfare. When you do, please mention my name, Lily Strange, on the donation form, and you will get a free reading. Thank you!

Monday, December 08, 2008

The Rest Room

I'd like to invite you to join the "The Rest Room" room on FriendFeed, a place for us to share and discuss things. You can check it out here:
Come talk shit with your friends and soon to be friends! Or just use the Friend Feed application to organize your cyber-crap. You will thank me.

Friday, December 05, 2008

My New Social Network

Are you the open-minded sort? Have you ever been described as left of center? Are you possibly creative, potentially psychic, or maybe just psycho? Then come join my new fellowship! I created it especially for freaks like you and me.

Visit New Strange World

Wednesday, December 03, 2008


This is something I was discussing with a friend earlier today and thought I'd share it.

I've learned a few years ago from the writer Konstantinos that there are more alignments than just good and evil. He divides them into good light and evil light, good dark and evil dark. Good dark is very misunderstood and often mistaken for evil, even by the individual who is themselves of this alignment. It just means that certain people have an affinity for creatures of shadow. I actually think that it was such a being that scared me out of dabbling in Satanism when I was 16. It was a tall, shadowy shape in a cloak. For many years I thought it was an evil being but I have since come to believe otherwise. Looking back, I didn't sense evil from it although it did seem like it was fully prepared to kick my ass if need be and didn't mind doing so. I believe it was actually there to prevent me from conjuring demons, which would have eventually led to insanity and suicide. Even so, I endured attempts at possession for a number of years. Demons enjoy finding vulnerable individuals to torture. They use one's own doubts and fears against oneself.
Life is hard enough as it is. No sense in making it more difficult. However, it is hardly true that doing any kind of magic will lead to attracting demons. One must specifically have demon conjuration in mind, or at least be doing spell work with harmful intent. This is why cursing someone or willing harm on them while employing magical means is ill advised. It opens the door for opportunistic entities which will cause further problems for the individual that they choose to target.

Monday, December 01, 2008

Demon Slayer Website

This is a site that I found which describes the symptoms of demonic possession. Take a look. You may find it interesting.

Sunday, November 23, 2008

The Literal Word of God

You'll enjoy this! So sayeth me.

Name Change

We are now the Gnutty Gnostic's Sanctuary of Believehowyalike, which is an offshoot of the Rev. Humpty Hump's Church of Doowutchyalike. See the above video of a service at Rev. Hump's church.
I like the new name. It's friendly and welcoming!
Some of the rejected name choices include:
The Church of Do What I Say or Fuck Off (suggested by Fundie Crisschun)
The Church of Do What I Say or Get Blown To Little Bitty Bits (Suggested by Raddy Cal Muzzlin)
The Church of Do Me How I Like (Suggested by the Rev. Smutty)
The Church of Wholesome Cannibalism (Suggested by the Right Rev. Alferd Packer and High Priestess Brittney Hamster)

Saturday, November 22, 2008

Haunting the Halls of my High School

I'm honestly not sure if this is a psychic or purely psychological phenomenon, but I have often semi-jokingly said to people that my teenage self still haunts the halls of my old high school. I experienced hella drama when I was at that place. I'm now 43 years old, and 25 years after graduation it seems there is a part of me that has never moved on. I sometimes feel like I may have left behind one of those psychic imprints where an astral "tape loop" plays over and over, leaving behind a ghost image that people can see, but there is no real presence.
The old campus where I went to school was torn down and the new buildings were built several hundred yards southeast of where the old buildings stood. I wonder how this sort of thing effects those splinters of the self one leaves behind. For instance, when the mortuary/chapel/apartment building where my paternal relatives lived and worked for so many years was torn down to make a parking lot (ugh!) I could feel the displaced presences, not of the actual spirits of my great-grandfather, great-grandmother, great-uncle and great-aunts, but of those psychic impressions they left behind from their years there being displaced. I even sensed my father as a little boy. It was disconcerting to say the least. I think it was a terrible tragedy that this old building full of history was razed in this fashion. It still had use left in it.
I talked to one other person who had a similar experience. She said sometimes she felt like there was a part of herself haunting a house in her town.

Friday, November 21, 2008

2012 Doomsday Prophecy a Reality

Sunday, November 16, 2008

King Tut

I'm watching a show about King Tut. They're trying to figure out how he died. Also, was there really a curse? I reckon if there was, the people who opened his tomb in the 1920's and accidentally desecrated the delicate mummy would have been perfect candidates. I honestly don't believe that Tut (who has probably had several lifetimes since his death) cares particularly about cursing people, but I think that he would be glad for today's forensic experts who are trying to tell the truth about what happened to him. I'm going to plead the fifth on this one. He seems to have not been the healthiest fellow and it's starting to look like he died of natural causes. It was an important life for that soul, but I think he's ready for it to be laid to rest once and for all. Wouldn't it be interesting if he were one of the team working on it today? Of that I can't say one way of the other. But it's really fascinating to speculate.
Perhaps King Tut is now Steve Martin. Check it out and decide for yourself!

To Thine Own Self Be True

I wrote this in response to a friend who has Dissociative Identity Disorder and has been the victim of a lot of spiritual abuse in conjunction with the other injustices that she's suffered in her life.
My motto is that spirituality is too personal a thing to have someone else's dogma shoved down your throat. As long as a person's beliefs don't involve hurting others, who is anyone to say that it's right or wrong? We are all just mere humans and none of us knows the exact workings of the Universe. You must do what feels right for you. Thankfully you no longer have some zealot pounding their fundamentaist Christianity down your throat. I can't hang with that either. Who are they to try and tell everyone else what is right and wrong? We're all just human and I think as long as we try to act with kindness towards others we'll come out ok. I don't believe in a deity that would be so mean-spirited as to punish its creations just because they weren't sure what it's name was, weren't sure it existed, or flat out couldn't bring themselves to believe it existed. That would be akin to flushing a fish down the toilet to punish it for not praising you on high every time you fed it--it's mean spirited, stupid, and more than a little egotistical! I would never suffer myself to worship a deity that was such an egomaniac, and no-one else should either. At any rate, I don't think that's how the Creator rolls. I think it's great that you're finding your own path. To thine own self be true. :-)

Thursday, November 13, 2008

The Satanic Panics and the Development of My Spirituality

This is a response to my friend Mago's comments on my last post.
These accusations of Satanism against anyone who isn't a Christian certainly are anti-enlightenment. I used to attend the Unitarian church in my 20's because it didn't have any of the "Bible-thumpin'" that comes with most Judeo-Christian churches, but I stopped going there because of the scoffing attitude about anything spiritual in their case. I personally believe that there isn't only the life and death of the body, but that certain forces survive physical death and there are certain forces that modern science cannot yet measure. However, I did learn some good lessons in my time there. One minister talked about how as a child growing up in a Southern Baptist church, he was actually told that too much knowledge was a bad thing. God did not want humans having too much knowledge. Many narrow-minded people still subscribe to this unenlightened point of view and are greatly afraid of anyone who doesn't want to.
I was in high school when the "Satanic Panics" in the 1980's were in full swing. It is evident to me now that this was an American epidemic. Anyone who listened to "the devil's music," aka hard rock, was of course killing babies, puppies and kittens on the side. Not to mention the orgies we had. Boy howdy! We would spread the blood of our victims over our naked bodies and have sex all night!
We did drink a lot of beer and smoke a lot of weed, though.
Honestly, I wasn't even a Pagan at the time that I was accused of being a Satanist. I was a church-going Catholic! A church-going Catholic that loved rock music. But I was also one rebel spirit, and I figured if I were going to be accused of being a Satanist, I might as well check it out. Not that I ever sacrificed anything, mind. Any blood used in my ceremonies was my own.
I'm a bit reluctant to discuss it, but I got the hell scared out of me quite early on and demons attempted to possess me during weak times in my life from that point on until 2005 when my spectral friend and co-author came along and started chasing them away. However, in spite of my fear that I was going to hell, I could no longer bear the intolerance of the Christian religion that I had grown up with, and began investigating Wicca when I was seventeen after a friend did a Tarot reading for me. He was not the sharpest tool in the shed, but he was able to give me an incredibly accurate reading, and I was intrigued. I found the Pagan path to be one of peace and enlightenment where you could explore many possibilities. Sadly, I have in my time met more than one intolerant Wiccan, and this is why I am a solitary practitioner and a student of all religions. I have raised a son who is open-minded, tolerant, and fortunately, free of the bonds of guilt and fear that still affect me at various times in my life. He certainly would not have gotten a hurt feeling at being accused of Satanism by some narrow-minded mutton-head. He would have laughed at them. So it would appear that in this troubled life of mine, I have managed to do one thing right.
So I thank you for your comment on the last post, because it gave me this opportunity to explain a little more about myself and my beliefs. Sometimes I find that hard to do in an honest way.

Wednesday, November 12, 2008

The Big Judgment

MySpace Icons

Organized religion and the judgmental bullcrap that walks hand in hand with it. It continues to drive a wedge between people and I find it very sad. Of course I came under attack as expected by the so kind fundie faction when I stated that there are more things in this Universe than Christianity and Satanism. One Fundie had this tolerant thing to say. My sarcastic commentary is in italics. Yes, it's childish. But all this is unbelievably stupid, and I am dismayed that it is still going on in the 21st century.

As much as we may not want to accept it or hear it, Wicca, goddess worship, tarot etc. is used as a cover for Satanism.
Yes, Anonymous, I have a secret stash of the bodies of those I have sacrificed to Satan in my basement. Please--don't let the fact that I don't even have a basement dissuade you from this belief! I'm sure it makes your boring, pathetic life far more interesting than it otherwise would be. In fact, all Wiccans have a dungeon in which they keep all their sacrificial victims. But somehow we are never caught by the law. Because guess what--they're part of it too! Yes, me and Constable Clancy and the rest are sacrificing your good Christian ilk even as I type this. Which fails to explain why the churches are still full every Sunday. You'd think we'd have whittled your congregation way down by now with all the sacrifices we do.
The leaders of the harmless nature worshipers/ goddess worshipers are the leaders of the cult as well. I know this to be true. Most occult groups practice a degree system of initiation.
What the fuck are you going on about, you twat? Most wiccans are actually solitary practitioners. Who the fuck are we going to initiate--ourselves??
You learn more and more as you go but things are kept secret from the lower degrees.
I'm so excited that I'm finally going to teach myself the secret Satanic practices this saturday at midnight. I just can't wait! I'll have to sacrifice SIX of the old folks I tend to for this one! Funny how I've never been caught sacrificing the people that are put in my care. I'm a slick one, so I am!
Satanism does the same thing, depending upon the level of programming and worthiness. So, go ahead, and deny and believe the cock and bull story we are fed today, "nature worship" or harmless fun with cards and ouija boards. And while the people sleep, it won't change one iota the truth of what is shared here.

No, while the people sleep I'm going to come sacrifice them. Because it's what I do.

This was my reply to the blog owner, who is a victim of satanic ritual abuse and therefore has reasons to think what she does and is also why I will not reveal a link to her because I don't wish for people to attack her. Damn evil of me that. Ah well. It is far from the first time that something like this has happened. But I will not kowtow. I have to speak what I believe is the truth.

The sad thing is that the intolerance of people like Anonymous are what drive people apart from each other. I can assure people until I'm blue in the face that I am certainly not part of some "satanic cult" and none of you lot will believe a word of it. I have never sacrificed an animal to any power and would not deal with powers that require such. I do read Tarot cards and I happen to believe that there are more of deities than just the Christian god and anti-god. I think I try to do good in this world. I am neither a christian nor a satanist. In fact Satan is a Christian anti-deity, and I don't have any use for him. I don't mind calling myself a Pagan. I am not an evil person. I do not rape children or sacrifice babies and deplore such actions. I don't think that you're a prejudiced individual and what you say is true for you. It's sad that it brings out the hate and narrow-mindedness in some people.
I don't think I'll be back because I imagine my presence is uncomfortable for you. I'm sorry. I hope one day people will learn that actions are what tell the truth, not what religious path one follows.

As Angus Young (himself accused of being a "satan worshipper" more than once) said, the real Satan is intolerance. Right on, Angus. And rock on.

Things like this are why I despise organized religion. Organized religion has contributed to a lot more deaths than some harmless person picking herbs and calling on the gods and goddesses for a blessing in their miserable lives.
It may not be legal to burn witches at the stake now--but some people sure would like it to be, as you can plainly see.
I have this idea that's a real grin. How about we elect me for president after Barack Obama has served his TWO terms? Wouldn't that be a hoot? A fat old Pagan with bipolar disorder in the Oval Office. Pat Buchanan and his ilk would have an aneurysm for sure.
Tarot readings, AC/DC tunes and mead for all! That's my platform. Vote for me, won't you?
Or at least give me a scratch behind the ears. Because I'm feeling pretty glum right now. Intolerance blows. Maybe I'll go out and sacrifice one of my neighbors to pick my mood up. Because that's what we mostly harmless Pagans do in the minds of the so-good (intolerant) Christians.
Yeah, I eat meat. But so do most of them. Think that Jerry Falwell got that pork belly of his chowing down on leaves and sprouts? I think he was eating members of the congregation!
I want to meet that bastard in hell and give him a full body slam. He bilked my grandmother out of literally thousands of dollars sending her that bullshit about how Satan was taking over the world and the only way he could be stopped is if good Christians sent their money to Jerry. Isn't bilking old folks out of their security checks a sin? Bastard!
There's another thing that this "evil" pagan has never done. Bilking old folks out of their money. Damn this conscience of mine! I could be rich if I just postured as a born again Christian preacher and told everyone to send me their money to save their souls.
Man...if that ain't a ticket to hell on the Bullet Express, I sure don't know what is!
Ah well...guess I'll just keep on being a pariah. At this I seem to excel. Now excuse me while I go back to eating the hearts of the innocent and reading my blood-stained tarot cards.
the eternally despised

Monday, November 10, 2008

Disagreeing With Respect

I will not be linking to the post that I made these comments on because I don't want anyone attacking the person who made them. However, she made some statements that I felt were very black and white about certain things that were good and evil and I didn't agree. She mentioned Ouija boards, Tarot cards and channeling as ways for the Devil to get in and steal your soul. So here is what I said:
I must respectfully disagree about certain of these things. I don't believe that the Universe is quite as black and white that there is only one positive deity and one force of evil. That there is a force of good and a force of evil is true, in my view, but there are gray areas. I did dabble in the dark arts in my youth and got the hell scared out of me, which is a good thing, because there are demonic forces that would have been more than glad to f**k me over even worse than I already was. However, I haven't experienced much of good from Christianity or at least the folks that practice it. I've been confronted with a lot of judgment and narrow viewpoints that I can do without. Which is to say nothing against Jesus Christ, who I have nothing but admiration for. I did not have very many positive experiences messing about with the Ouija board, so I stopped doing it. However, for me, reading Tarot cards has been pretty well nothing but positive. I just think it's a little too black and white to say "all this is good and all this is bad." There are some things that are gray areas and can be used either way.
I didn't say this in the comment, but I'll say it here. I don't channel for the same reason that I don't use the Ouija board. In my case, there is a weakness in my psyche that allows some nasties to invite themselves in through these passages, so I ain't gonna do it. This is not to say that either channeling or Ouija boards are in and of themselves evil, just that for someone whose defenses aren't extremely strong, they can open doors for some real asshole entities.
The spirits that I communicate with do NOT come into my body. They "talk" to me just as anyone in a body would, except that they communicate through thought and feeling rather than a voice. When allowing my co-author to "speak" through me, I will go into a conscious trance if he has a lot to say. But he does not control my thoughts or actions in any way. And he does not in fact wish to do so. He has never asked to do so. In fact when he initially met me, I was very prone to attempts from demonic entities to possess me. I would wake at times speaking in a guttural voice that I didn't understand and thrashing about, clawing at the air. I was not able to control this. This has only happened once since meeting him, and he returned quickly and chased the would-be possessor away.
There was only one occasion when I first met my co-author where I was very tired. I was resting in my parents' basement, and there was in the past a doorway that energies had been coming through into the house. In defending me from one of these entities, the "Dead" personality briefly ended up in my body, and he was more unsettled by the experience than I was. He hadn't intended for it to happen and was profusely apologetic. He leapt out as if he'd been a cat that had fallen into water and "looked" about as frazzled when I saw him in my mind. Except that he was so rattled, I would have found the whole thing rather funny.
Just in case anyone is interested, this particular personality does not especially care for being called Dead at this point. He says that "it's a little bit obvious, isn't it?" Furthermore, he considers it to have been an unfortunate choice of nicknames, all things considered. However, he's aware that this is how everyone knows him, so he isn't especially insistent on fighting the tide. He says that he may become more so as time goes on, and somewhat likes the name "Shadow." He half jokingly says that "I will most probably reincarnate as my own relative, and will revive the music that I in this life wrote. So again I shall be stuck with this idiot name that I gave to myself. Now, here is proof that the Universe or what have you has a very wicked sense of humor."
All this being said, I don't have any reason to slam the beliefs of others. However, I think a bit of education is necessary. The Universe is not black and white. There are shades of gray to be certain, and many, many other dynamic colors, energies and entities as well.
Blessed be,
Lily and Friends

Wednesday, November 05, 2008

Splish Splash

Which Greek god/goddess are you?
You are Poseidon! Poseidon was the God of the Sea, Earthquakes, and Horses.He lost the battle of being patron deity of Athens to Athena, he struck his spear into the ground and made a spring of salt so the Athenians would worship him, but Athena planted an olive tree which the Athenians liked better.He was also the father of Theseus.

Take the quiz!

Who me, heavenly??

Which Archangel Are You?
You are the messenger of God, and serve as a medium between Heaven, Earth, and Hell. Your color is blue, your direction is South, and your element is Water.

Take the quiz!

Tuesday, November 04, 2008

New Revelations

I wasn't sure where to reveal this recent occurrence, or even if I should. I decided to do so here, at least parts of it. This involves what happened when I accidentally came across the picture of my co-author's suicide, which was taken by the jealous little sociopathic bitch Arsewipe the Ghoul and somehow got into the hands of some loser in South America who used it as the cover of a CD. (The asshole who did this later blew his own brains out, and him I did not feel sorry for.)
Also, for those who are unawares, it became clear to me soon after meeting him that my co-author had dissociative identity disorder (or multiple personalities.) The main personalities that I deal with are the adult ones, Pelle the host personality and Dead the protector. I will also mention Yngve in this essay who is best described as the lead adolescent personality. He is about 16 years old.
I HATE when I accidentally come across "that" picture. I think a lot of these morons who think it's "cool" to post it can't get it into their heads that it's really real. They've played too many video games. To these nimrods, it's simply another gory image. Anyway, that's a theory of mine.
I was actually playing a bit with my co-author, creating a humorous scenario. We were looking for photographs, which is always risky. We came across "that" picture and I was hit by a wave of emotions, like I always am. I was inside a maelstrom of emotions including regret and a desperate need for acceptance and comfort. These are the emotions that I received when I first made contact with him. But there was something else this time. Dead rembered something beneath the emotions of self-hate that drove him to this act. He said "I'm going to be sick."
I said that he wasn't the only one. I was hit by a wave of nausea that nearly knocked me over. I reached for a plastic garbage bag because I thought that I was going to vomit. This lasted for several minutes. I was breathing deeply and slowly sipping on the water in the bottle that I keep by my bed (ok, the trashed-out collapsed couch that serves as my bed) and being glad that it was cool. He returned to me and although his touches are usually warm, this time he deliberately made his hands cool and touched my face.
"I'm really, really sorry," he said. "I didn't mean for that to happen to you. I don't know where that came from."
I told him that it wasn't his fault. As an empath, I'm going to feel strong emotions of that nature from others. After all, it was feeling the emotions from "that" picture which caused me to connect with him in the first place and I wouldn't change that. This recent incident was a break-through for him even if he can't remember the details, (or I can't yet perceive them) and I'm glad that he had it because it will eventually help him to heal.
I asked him if it hurt when he killed himself and he said that it may seem surprising, but from a physical perspective, there was too much shock for it to hurt very much.
"You know how if you fall and hit your head or if you get hit on the head by something very hard? It's like that," he said. "Momentary pain and then numbness."
Apparently the last desperate act of the body was to send a rush of endorphins to numb the physical pain. He has also described before a "blinding flash of light" and temporary deafness, even when he found himself sitting outside his body. He said that he was stunned and then when he realized what was happening, horrified, as there was "no end to my emotional pain. I am still there, and now I see the truth of what I have done, but there is no return." Of course, as described before, a horrified Pelle appeared at this point demanding "What the fuck did you do?" and the animosity between Pelle and Dead wouldn't be resolved for years.
At this point Pelle also appeared. He told Dead, "It's all right. I'm sorry I wasn't more supportive of you. Maybe if I had been, you wouldn't have done this."
I also realize at this point that their body did incur several head injuries. This comes together partly due to new real-world knowledge and partly due to thoughts and feelings imparted by them. Although intelligent, there has always been a tendency to "spaciness" on all of their parts, which Pelle says some people interpreted as their being stoned, although they didn't do drugs.
Pelle, Dead and Yngve all liked drinking beer to a degree. Regarding smoking, it was mostly Dead's habit. Yngve smoked occasionally, so he didn't mind coming into the body if Dead had recently smoked. Pelle, however, despised the taste of cigarettes. Dead says he still gets a bit of a laugh, thinking about the faces Pelle would make when he returned to control of the body after Dead had been in it and had been smoking.
"He would run to find some mouthwash and brush his teeth--it was fucking funny!" Dead says.
Dead doesn't currently remember the exact circumstances of the head injuries he suffered (or I am not yet able to perceive what he is imparting about them) although he says "the first ones happened very young."
The speculation that Dead had something called Cotard syndrome has merit, given his belief that 'the blood had frozen in his veins' and a sense that he was already dead although he was in a living body. The thing that I find fascinating is that the other personalities didn't suffer from this although they had the same body and the part of the brain that was damaged in such a way as to cause this problem was, of course, the same for all of them. It's also apparent to me that Dead had borderline personality disorder (his black and white thinking when it came to his friends and associates) while the other personalities did not appear to suffer from this. Dead presented as possibly schizophrenic (he wasn't) where Pelle presented as balanced and sane though given to episodes of severe depression. Dead was prone to self-injury. Most of the other personalities didn't do this.
That's the interesting thing about DID. The different personalities react differently, not only in behavior but in physical characteristics. For instance, it's difficult to provide medications for a person with DID because some of the personalities will have bad reactions to a medication whereas others are perfectly fine with it.
Dead also had/has very acute senses. Pelle finds Dead's fascination with smells "mildly disturbing." Dead says that the irony was that in life he sought the smells of death, but now he enjoys "breathing the smells of life." This includes me! I remember that when I first met him I had this funny dream that he was following me around and in some recess of my mind I was worried that he was a brain-eating zombie. At the last part of the dream I was in the grocery store getting something from the freezer case. He was behind me and, being about a foot taller than me, his head was above mine and I could feel him breathing on the top of my head. When I turned to accuse him of trying to eat my brain, he told me that my hair smelled nice, and I could tell by his demeanor that this is exactly what he meant. It's hard for a ghost to lie, especially to someone who perceives emotions, because they communicate in thoughts rather than words. Dead is also rather an innocent being in many ways, despite his dark and imposing persona. It doesn't really occur to him to lie.
Dead will also sometimes "send" me pleasant smells, like flowers or pine. He jokes that "In life, Pelle likes to use this after shave that makes us smell like a fucking pine tree."

Here is a description of Cotard syndrome for those that are interested.

The Cotard delusion or Cotard's syndrome, also known as nihilistic or negation delusion, is a rare neuropsychiatric disorder in which a person holds a delusional belief that he or she is dead, does not exist, is putrefying or has lost his/her blood or internal organs. Rarely, it can include delusions of immortality.
It is named after Jules Cotard (1840–1889), a French neurologist who first described the condition, which he called le délire de négation ("negation delirium"), in a lecture in Paris in 1880. He described the syndrome as having various degrees of severity, ranging from mild to severe. In a mild state, feelings of despair and self-loathing occur, however it is in the severe state that a person with Cotards actually starts to deny the very existence of the self.[citation needed]
In this lecture, Cotard described a patient with the moniker of Mademoiselle X, who denied the existence of God, the Devil, several parts of her body and denied she needed to eat. Later she believed she was eternally damned and could no longer die a natural death.
Young and Leafhead (1996, p155) describe a modern-day case of Cotard delusion in a patient who suffered brain injury after a motorcycle accident:
[The patient's] symptoms occurred in the context of more general feelings of unreality and being dead. In January, 1990, after his discharge from hospital in Edinburgh, his mother took him to South Africa. He was convinced that he had been taken to hell (which was confirmed by the heat), and that he had died of septicaemia (which had been a risk early in his recovery), or perhaps from AIDS (he had read a story in The Scotsman about someone with AIDS who died from septicaemia), or from an overdose of a yellow fever injection. He thought he had "borrowed my mother's spirit to show me round hell", and that he was asleep in Scotland.
It can arise in the context of neurological illness or mental illness and is particularly associated with depression and derealization.
Neurologically, Cotard's is thought to be related to Capgras's Syndrome, and both are thought to result from a disconnect between the brain areas that recognize faces (fusiform face areas) and the areas that associate emotions with that recognition (the amygdala and other limbic structures). This disconnect creates a sense that the face that's seen is not the person's it purports to be because although it is identical with the face it purports to be, it lacks the familiarity it should have. If it is a relative's face, it is experienced as an imposter's (Capgras); if it is mine, I conclude that because I don't have the usual emotional context of self-familiarity associated with the face, I am dead (Cotard).
Treatment is difficult, and tricyclic and serotoninergic antidepressant drugs have shown little efficacy. Electroconvulsive therapy has shown greater promise, "curing" Cotard's sufferers in five studies of its efficacy with that treatment.

[edit] Cultural references
In the Scrubs episode "My Lucky Charm", a character suffering from Cotard syndrome complains of the hardships of being dead.
British electronic musician Matt Elliott named a song for the condition on his 2003 album The Mess We Made.
Chuck Klosterman makes reference to Jules Cotard and Cotard's syndrome in his book, Killing Yourself to Live: 85% of a True Story. The protagonist, Klosterman, feels like he might be a victim of the syndrome, especially when he is in airports.
American serial killer Richard Chase may have had a mild case of Cotard delusion (blood turning to powder).
In the 2008 Charlie Kaufman film Synecdoche, New York, the main character's surname is Cotard, reflecting the trope of the film.
In the fictional book The Echo Maker, by Richard Powers, the main character's brother suffers from Capgras Syndrome, as well as a few other delusions, including Cotard.

Monday, November 03, 2008

Lone Dragon

What Mystical Creature are you?
Being the last of your kind you move around in shadow in fear of the hunters. You know your the only one left but they don't.Your protective over your own stuff but will leave it when in danger, always going back to make sure. You better be careful my friend. One of these days they may be waiting for you there.

Take the quiz!

Fairy Meme

What kind of fairie are you ?(girlz only)
You are a artistic fairie !
You are a artistic fairie !
you are very creative in every way you use every color to make your world beautiful .

Take the quiz!

Beauty, eh?

What dragon species are you? (Stunning pics)
Ultimate Elemental Dragon
Ultimate Elemental Dragon
You are the true ultimate dragon. You have the powers of all the other elemental dragons. You control everything and have interests in every part. for example the fire dragon loves things to do with fire whereas you like fire, water, lightning etc etc. You are considered dragon royalty.(NOTE: THIS DRAGON WAS HAND DRAWN BY ME)

Take the quiz!

Friday, October 31, 2008


Merry meet! Today is Samhain and I don't feel like ranting for once. Instead I'll share this nice page that I found with you. It includes some spells for the evening that I will share here.
Blessings to you in the coming year.
Lily and Friends

These prayers should be done at night, between dusk and dawn.

"Hail Dark Lady of the Crossroads,
of wisdom hard-won,
grant me Thy blessing, purify my heart,
and teach me the truth of my soul;
show me that death is but the gateway to life.
Blessed Be."

Main Prayer
You offer me a lambent grail
of softly glowing moonlight,
as between one heartbeat and the next
souls flit from life to life
with death a well-worn pathway
of the Wise -
a place of respite and release.
Deeply I drink -
a willing sacrifice to eternal motion -
a moment of spirit upon the wind
and another life experience to embrace.

How death is but a gateway to (the next) life.

Dream Images
In the Name of the Dark Crone: I see the Crone as teacher.

Closing Prayer
"I bow to Thee Hecate, Diana, Mari and thank
Thee for Thy blessing - the Cauldron of Night
full of life, and death, and life again;
Thy magic gives me wings.
Blessed Be."

Wednesday, October 29, 2008

I Have the Strangest Feeling of Deja Vu

What Were You In A Past Life?
You were quite the introverted one, misunderstood and alone in your thoughts. You would stay up to three o clock in the morning with your pen, sharing your dreams and losses with your beloved journal. Your poems were inspiring mostly to your love interests. Your words were your weapon...weapon of love, that is.

Take the quiz!

Sunday, October 26, 2008

Satyr Dream

Sunday, October 19, 2008

Why not just believe the materialist theory?

The materialist theory (there's no higher power, no kind of noncorporeal beings, nothing of a person survives the death of the body) makes the most sense according to what we're taught IN THIS SOCIETY. In the society of the Australian Aboriginals, for instance, no-one would even raise an eyebrow if you said you met with someone who had passed from the body while asleep. They take it as a given that the spirit survives the death of the body. The spirit comes from the All that Is to go into a body, then returns to the All That Is when that body dies. To them, our society's materialist perspective probably seems kind of insane, not to mention depressing.
I find myself questioning a lot of my experiences because there are so many naysayers. But whenever I get into that mode of believing the naysayers, everything around me takes on a kind of decay. That degree of nihilism just sucks too much and pushes me right into a major depression. So even if the joke's on me, I have to at least believe in the POSSIBILITY that what I'm experiencing is real.
Just 'cause not everyone has experienced it doesn't mean it doesn't exist. I have never experienced being beamed up by a UFO. This doesn't mean it doesn't happen. It just means it's outside the scope of my experience. I choose to walk the fence on the UFO stuff. Maybe it's real, maybe it isn't. I choose to keep myself open minded and say that anything's possible even if it isn't terribly probable.

Friday, October 17, 2008

Pissing In The wind

Do I believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that what I seem to have experienced is in fact reality?
Fuck no.
I only say that it APPEARS to be reality, in my experience. I have probably more doubt than faith, in fact. Because when it comes down to brass tacks, as a living being on this planet, I try to be very practical in spite of my certifiable status.
I will again point out that hallucinations are NOT part of what I experience as a result of my bipolar disorder. The only times I have hallucinated are when I am:
a) tremendously sleep deprived
b) Taking a prescription medication that triggers a hallucination
c) Deliberatly taking a hallucinogen (The last time I did this was 25 years ago)
There are those who argue that people see ghosts when they are in an extreme state of grief over the person they are seeing. I counter that this is a bunch of happy horseshit, at least in my experience. The one ghost that I saw with my own two eyes was someone whom I liked, but I was not in a state of deep grief about his death. He was a neighbor whose son I babysat for. He died of leukemia. I thought that sucked and that the world was a shitty place when a 35 year old could die from leukemia and leave his family behind. Mostly I felt admiration for him for being so strong and not slipping into despair, which I'm sure I would have. "Kenny" was a great guy and I mourned his passing, but I wasn't close enough to him to be in a state of despondency over it. Also, I didn't see him until around 6 months after his departure from the world. I was used to the idea of him being no longer among the land of the living. When I saw him I was completely sober and wide awake. I wasn't taking anything stronger than Tylenol and Tylenol doesn't make me hallucinate. So, while I won't dispute that some spectral sightings may be the result of grief, mine was not. Nor was it the result of altered mental status due to drugs, lack of sleep, or mental illness. Cause as I said, I may be a loony, but my lunacy does not come equipped with special affects. It's just a standard, garden variety mood disorder.
I haven't personally known in life most of the other spirits with whom I've communicated. A few months after her death, sensing that I was still a wreck, my grandmother told me that I needed to stop worrying about her and that she was fine. I didn't see my grandmother, nor did I hear her audibly. I don't hear ghosts audibly. I sense what they feel and what they want to impart. Which does, believe me, make me question the reality of what I'm experiencing.
The majority of spirits that I communicate with are not people that I knew in life. They are earthbound spirits who have something they want to accomplish and/or a message they want to impart, or they're just lonely. They know they're ghosts. They're not confused and thinking they're still alive. One of these spectral chums, who was murdered, said that for perhaps an hour after his body died he was confused as to what was going on and kept trying to talk to his grieving loved ones, who couldn't see him or hear him. Returning to the emergency room and looking at his demised body on the table made him realize that he was, in fact, a ghost and there was no going back. He was sad and angry, because although being given to occasional bouts of melancholy, he was basically very happy and enjoyed life a lot. This particular spirit is mainly sticking around to watch over his loved ones and, in his words "because I wasn't ready to leave yet." Although angry at the person who killed him, he has no desire for vengeance because "the sucker was straight up fucked up." He says he prefers to avoid revisiting the experience, and that includes avoiding the person who caused his untimely death.
Another spirit that befriended me died from natural causes. He took a little longer to realize that he was no longer of the body but says it wasn't more than a couple of days, probably. Time is different when you don't have to worry about time. This particular fellow was something of an independent type and so it wasn't until he hadn't contacted anyone for about five days that people realized that something was wrong. He says he wandered around his apartment like he always did but things were "different" and he kept thinking that maybe he should go to the hospital and get checked out because he felt really odd. Every now and then he'd look at his body and not want to realize what had happened, because he wasn't ready to depart either. This fellow, although given to periods of "rather bleak emotional state" says that he for the most part enjoyed being alive and was "really fucking pissed" when he died prematurely.
I formed friendships with these fellows and several others including my co-author AFTER they were no longer corporeal. There are some of these friends where I can say that I grieved their passing, was shocked by it, in the cases where they were people that I knew about in life. But it wasn't the type of grief that would be felt over a loved one that you knew. I have never seen the spirits of these people, and I didn't encounter any of them immediately following their deaths.
One person that I did encounter fairly soon after his passing was Freddie Mercury, whose death I thought was a bummer because I always greatly admired his work with Queen and loved his flamboyant, outgoing personality. It was an astral encounter. I was standing by an old house and he came up to me. He kissed me on the cheek and said "thank you for thinking of me. And you shouldn't worry about things so much." Then he went his way to the higher realms. He isn't an Earthbound spirit although he sometimes drops in to check on people that he cares about. He was at a point of acceptance about the fact that he was going to die. Although he regrets not having been able to do more, he says that he lived a full life and has no regets about much of anything. A spirit such as this that is at peace with their passing is not one that becomes earthbound.
To any rate, to say that I don't have doubts about the "realness" of these encounters would be pure bullshit. On the other hand, not acknowledging them makes me even crazier.
I hurt like a bastard right now so I'm going to take a Tylenol. My damn fibromyalgia is upon me with a vengeance.
Also, I'm not going to trust my eyes when it comes to any unusual things I may see at this point. Because I am pretty sleep deprived right now. Which is why the fibro is bothering me so.
Later daze...
and I'm in a daze!
The Universe's court jester

Monday, October 13, 2008

My Affirmation Card

Make your own affirmation card here

Monday, October 06, 2008

One of those goofy quizzes

What Religion Best Suits You?
New Aged/Wiccan
New Aged/Wiccan
An it harm none, do as ye will. You are a fluffy bunny. You wouldn't harm a fly. Actually, you might demonstrate to SAVE the flies! Than again, you're probably busy casing love spells, using a psychic talent, being a Vegetarian or trying to save the Rainforests. Either way, you're harmless.

Take the quiz!

That's a little insulting. I try not to be mean, but I'm hardly a fluffy bunny. And I'm not harmless--I'm MOSTLY harmless! Also, I'm not a vegeterian. I tried. But I gotta eat crab! I'm actually sort of an esorteric gnostic witch. And I swat flies. Flies are the reincarnated souls of nasty people who are being punished. Smack away!

Friday, October 03, 2008

Go to the Light!

Being "sent to the Light" from the perspective of an earthbound spirit who has been "sent" on several occasions. Obviously, I did not stay gone!
In brief, a spirit cannot be forced by humans to go to the higher plane, though there are ways to block doorways between the physical and astral realms. If I wished to go, I can go. I do not force my friend the medium, nor anyone else, to speak with me. If she was to tell me (or any aspect of the soul of which I am a part) to go away, we would go, and would be sad as in life if a friend decides they no longer wish your friendship. I do not need to be "led to the light" by my rather prominent nose. I am simply not finished here.
One might say "well, it is your own fault as you killed yourself." What do you suppose I am trying to do? Or perhaps more specific, to undo. The message is sent, the way is to kill yourself if your life is bad. I am trying to reverse this message! I did not intend to send a message at all with my death, only to end the sorrow of my mind. But as it is, I have misconceptions which needs to be corrected. And that is why I am still around here. So for the new age people which thinks only to send all spirits to "the light," for most of us that have tried to speak with someone who turns out to have this concept, know that the truth is simply that we go away from you. Whether we go to the "light" or not is still our choice. Really, you need not go through such bother. Most spirits will simply leave if asked.
I also love this concept: if you are speaking with a ghost, it is not really a human ghost, it is a demon in their guise.
This can happen. But this is not always the case, in fact most of the time it is not the case. The truth is, if the spirit acts radically different than you knew them in life, then is the time you suspect a demon. Otherwise, it is most probably whom it appears to be.
For those of you who would send all of us Earthbound spirits to the light: does it not occur to you that perhaps some of us do have something of good that we might wish to have done before we depart the Earth realm? Perhaps it is a mission we must accomplish and it would be for the greater good. And what is the difference in imprisoning a spirit in a realm of light or a realm of dark? If the spirit does not wish to go, it is still a prison.
If a spirit is not behaving in a way which is malevolent, you need not waste your energies to do an exorcism. A "ghost" which repeats a pattern over and over is not an active intelligence. The spirit of the person you see is not trapped in repeating the same actions. This is a psychic imprint. It is the same thing as taking a film of that person while in life. The person is not trapped in the film! Now, if there is an imprint of a given person, it is likely that is a good area to which you might focus on that person and call them. But also perhaps not. They might not like to return to the scene of their sorrow. It might be best to find a place known to them that does not have the stain of trauma.
However, if you are a medium and find yourself contacted by an actual spirit, it is a bit of an insult to say "I know what is best for you and will now send you to the light." How the fuck do you propose to know my mind? You know only what I choose to reveal. I am not a particularly stupid fellow and do know that there is a choice to depart the Earth realm. You may go through all the spells you wish to "send" me but in the end, I simply depart your presence. You could have saved yourself the trouble and simply said that you wish me to go! I do not encounter such people so much any more as I seem to have found a "home" at this time. But when initially wandering, the various aspects of our soul have encountered this sort. We found it a bit amusing if a bit sad.
Our friend tells us her brain is "turning to oatmeal" from channeling us for quite some time now so we will cease. Oatmeal is a rather awful substance and we should not wish to be responsible for such a terrible occurrence!
We appreciate any who gives honest good wishes to us, and if you wish to leave for us a cup of tea or a beer, know that this will make us feel even more kindly towards you. We will pass on liver, oatmeal, and cakes which are covered with abundances of terribly sweet frostings and especially the flavor of anise or licorice which we do not like well at all!
Thus, we have given a secret to how best to exorcise us. Say only "leave, or I shall get out the anise!" And I will be gone with the greatest of swiftness!

Tuesday, September 30, 2008

Saint Ben!

Well, he wasn't a saint, actually. But he was a wise man. And a wise guy. Here are some thoughts from Benjamin Franklin on religion, many of which I found on this page.

I cannot conceive otherwise than that He, the Infinite Father, expects or requires no worship or praise from us, but that He is even infinitely above it.
Benjamin Franklin; from 'Articles of Belief and Acts of Religion', November 20, 1728

If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution. The primitive Christians thought persecution extremely wrong in the Pagans, but practiced it on one another. The first Protestants of the Church of England blamed persecution in the Roman Catholic Church, but practiced it upon the Puritans. They found it wrong in Bishops, but fell into the practice themselves both here (England) and in New England.
Benjamin Franklin

I wish it (Christianity) were more productive of good works ... I mean real good works ... not holy-day keeping, sermon-hearing ... or making long prayers, filled with flatteries and compliments despised by wise men, and much less capable of pleasing the Deity.
Benjamin Franklin; Works, Vol. VII, p. 75

As to Jesus of Nazareth, my Opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the System of Morals and his Religion ... has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present dissenters in England, some doubts as to his Divinity; tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the Truth with less trouble.
Benjamin Franklin, A Biography in his Own Words, edited by Thomas Fleming, p. 404, (1972, Newsweek, New York, NY) quoting letter by Franklin to Exra Stiles March 9, 1790

Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.
Benjamin Franklin

And also remember:
Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade.
Benjamin Franklin


Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

Friday, September 26, 2008

Give Me Something To Believe In

Cause I sure as hell can't believe in the mean, judgmental, insecure god that I grew up with.

Even if Yaweh turned out to be the only game in town, who the hell needs it?

"God is not in some building. God is in nature and God is in each of us."

--Gaahl (Gorgoroth)

"In this century the christian church has made a great effort to make people believe that tolerance was a christian virtue. However you only need to look at history to see that this is quite untrue."


"One should envision one's Gods as being at least as good as the best human beings. The best of us would not damn people for eternity for an honest difference of opinion or for petty faults. The best among us would not damn people for eternity at all. Judged by these criteria, the God of the fundamentalist Christians is unworthy of worship. In the unlikely event he is actually in charge, I would gladly go to hell with my head held high. At the same time, while I disagree with Christian teachings from their foundation myths on up, I am not going to attack something that brings hope, comfort and inspiration to people and makes them kinder and more honest human beings."

From the home page of Jordsvin, who seems a jolly good fellow! Loki sez: "Visit him, or else!" ;-)

In all truth, I am going through quite a rough spot right now. What makes it rougher is that the problem does not belong to me, it belongs to someone whom I would gladly take it from. In my youth I was taught that bad things happen to bad people and that we must beg the heavy-handed Almighty for forgiveness. I have become less and less tolerant of the heavy-handed almighty over the past few years. I actually relinquished my Catholicism when I was 18 and began exploring Pagan mysticism, but let's face it, Folks, once a Catholic always a Catholic, to an extent. The guilt is in you like an encapsulated virus and will resurface. When things get tough, the feeling that somehow you brought this on yourself by not being good enough will come and hit you upside the head with the force of 10 Mjollnirs.

I did not raise my son (the person going through the hard time) with the horrible, horrible Catholic guilt. He was always free to explore the possibilities. He doesn't adhere to any particular religion but his beliefs tend to be sort of a general Neopaganism mixed with Buddhism, the great thing about Buddhism being that it is a philosophy rather than a religion so it can fit in nicely with any religion. My son is thankfully free from the horrors that visit me, the fear that because of my abandonment of the rather mean-spirited dogma of my childhood, the fires of hell are awaitin' and there will be no butter in Hell!*

I end up on the defensive about being viewed as a "Satan Worshipper" even now. My son, on the other hand, rather than viewing Satan as the anti-good views him as a trickster deity, worthy of the same respect as any other deity. If you come to Satan asking him for something, he may very well give it to you. But there will always be a price, and I'm not talking about sacrificing your neighbor's dog or your neighbor. The true Satan is an intellectual deity who doesn't care one whit one way or another about such things. According to my son's view, Satan is in the same class as Set, Loki, and other trickster deities. Such deities know your mind, heart and soul. Be very, very careful about approaching such a being. They will not destroy you directly, but they may allow you to destroy yourself.

As well, Satan and Lucifer are two entirely different entities that are often confused. But this is an essay for another time.

For myself personally, when it comes to issues such as prosperity, I find that a deity such as Ganesha preferable to petition. Lord Ganesha is not going to grant petitions such as "make me the most richest beeyatch with the most bling so I can be better than everyone else" because that would be completely self-serving. He wants to know that your intentions are honorable, but generally he won't punish you for asking even if the request isn't entirely honorable. You really have to piss him off for him to get medieval on your ass.

However, I have digressed. My son, who is a very wise and kind soul, is going through great difficulty in his life at this time. Unfortunately people on both sides of his family are prone to mood disorders, and he is experiencing problems with severe social anxiety, which cause him to isolate himself, and which then contribute to major depression. He checked into the psych unit voluntarily because he was suicidal. I'm glad he did this, and the clinicians there seem very compassionate and humane, not like back in my day when I attempted suicide and this nurse told me "you're a freak and you'll always be a freak. People like you can never be normal." My retort was "well, I'd rather be a freak than a fucking bitch like you."

Thus, if anyone reading this would be so kind as to petition whichever Powers that Be that appeal to you, or simply send positive thoughts to my son Michael that he may be guided to recovery and to learn helpful coping skills to deal with his social anxiety, it is appreciated.

Blessed be,


*(disclaimer: I do not and will never have a problem with Jesus Christ, who was a kind and enlightened soul that wanted the best for people. I have a problem with the judgmental and intolerant institution that uses his name, and I feel that they sure as hell ain't asking themselves "what would Jesus do" when they pour their hateful diatribe upon the world. And I have a problem with the harsh, judgmental God of this church.)