Tuesday, April 17, 2007


I really don't get people who commit massacres because they're miserable.
I've thought about taking myself out many a time. The thought usually crosses my mind several times a month.
I was very unpopular when I was in school, especially junior high. There was one girl who seemed to live to make me miserable. One time she passed around this note alleging that the teacher's assistant in art and I were having a "thing." The note was very graphic and very disgusting, and I was horrified. She said the ugliest things about me. And I actually came up with a plan to kill her.
I had a knife under my jacket and was going to follow her into the girls' bathroom and stab her.
I had no other targets although there were others that picked on me. This girl made my life hell, however, and I had reached a breaking point.
Something, I have no idea what, a spirit guide, an angel, my higher (and I don't mean having smoked more pot, something that I did a lot of back in the day) self said to me:
"Don't do it. Put the knife back. You don't want to ruin your entire life over this bitch."
It wasn't a namby pamby goody goody "love thy enemy" schpiel. It wasn't asking me to consider what Jesus would do, in spite of the fact that at the time I was a devout Catholic. Whatever was guiding me acknowledged that this girl was a mean-spirited bitch. It told me that I was above doing something that barbaric and deserved better than to spend the remainder of my youth incarcerated for killing her, and probably having to change my identity as an adult. This guidance was loud and clear (in my mind, not in my ears) and it was very real and honest.
I've often wondered where the guiding voice was for people like this recent mass murderer, for people like the guy at the Amish school, for people like Harris and Klebold.
Is the voice there but they block it out?
Or are they listening a voice that encourages them to kill?
I wonder if I'll ever know.
I don't think I'll ever understand.

Monday, April 09, 2007

Standing Up For What I Believe

For many years I have done my ceremonies seated. I was raised in the Catholic church and we sat or kneeled, sometimes stood. Even when I turned to my particular blend of Wicca, Buddhism and Gnosticism, I have tended to remain seated during my ceremonies. But when I did the Ostara ceremony yesterday, I felt the power when I performed most of the work STANDING!
In yesterday's post I mentioned calling on Balder, who is a benevolent god of power. Not the kind of power that tramples over the rights of others, but the kind that invites one to be true to oneself and one's beliefs. Balder only fights when necessary. He is strong enough that he doesn't have to fight to prove himself.
It was as if Balder said to me "stand up, Sister, and join me!" And when I felt the power that went into that ceremony, I truly felt at one with the Ancient Deities.
Sometimes being seated is right. When doing the Buddhist meditations, one is in a relaxed seated or kneeling position, according to their level of comfort. Relaxing the body allows the mind to relax, helping the enlightenment to reach through the mind to the soul. But when doing a full afternoon of meditation, we are sometimes called to get up and walk, strolling slowly through the temple, to bring ourselves back to earthly reality. This helps integrate the new enlightenment into our physical minds.
Sometimes meditation is done lying down, as with the exercises I do to increase my astral projection proficiency. This is a very relaxed way to learn new things and new ideas. Hypnotism is usually perfomed on a subject who is lying down.
And sometimes kneeling in deference to one's beloved deities is correct as well.
But the thing I like about the Pagan and Buddhist deities is that they don't command you admit your inferiorty. They only ask your respect.
It is much more an apprentice/adept relationship than a master/slave relationship.
And that feels more RIGHT to me.
I give gratitude to Balder, Freya, Brigit, and all the other mighty deities who joined in our ceremony of blessing for the growing year and for the book yesterday.
Blessed be!
and the Ghost Writer

Sunday, April 08, 2007

Why Ostara Today

We didn't do it as a protest against the Christian Easter. We did it because we are celebrating new beginnings.
The book that I initially started in 1992 and my spectral co-author joined me in writing and helped me change radically for the better in 2005 is finished! We did our Ostara ceremony before submitting it. We invoked Brigid and Freya, who we had invoked and asked to bless our work when we discovered each other and knew we wanted to work together. We invoked Balder, a beloved Deity of my co-author's people, and any other benevolent deity that wished to be present. We then did a ceremony to the God and Goddess. When done, the circle was filled with benevolent energy and blessing, and I plugged the portable drive into the computer and off went the story to its destination.
I was so nervous I was ready to piss my pants! Luckily I did not humiliate myself thusly in front of my co-author and the deities. I was actually happy because I have not been that excited about anything in literally years.
When we began working together, we felt that doing so would be beneficial to both of us.
It has been.
Now we must work to achieve our greater goals from the book. Raising awareness about mental illness, and bringing to light certain truths that he wants the world to know about him.
The site for the book is live, but as of this writing, is still in its very skeletal stages. By the end of the month it should start looking like something.
Here is the link for anyone who is interested in looking at a cyber-skeleton!
May you achieve your goals this year as well!
Blessed Be
Cie and Ghost