Friday, December 30, 2005


For the past two nights, a former friend has shown up in my dreams/astral journeys. Our friendship ended on a very negative note. She felt I had wronged her and proceeded to exact vengeance on me. I ended up calling the police on two occasions. This was many years ago.
I suspect her since then of having called social services with sick (and obviously false) reports that I was sexually abusing my son. She traumatized not only me but my son with the visit from Social Services. He was only 11 years old at the time and was terrified that he would be taken from me. Of course I was terrified of the same. Fortunately the social services worker said that she could see no evidence that such abuse was taking place and left us in peace.
I was ready to go kick some ass! But what good would getting thrown in jail do?
Still, I have never been able to forgive this person.
With her showing up in my dreams, I realize it was time that I pray/send energy for her to get the healing she needs. It has to be horrible to be as vindictive and mean-spirited as she is, and there must be illness on her soul. So I have done spell/prayer work to send her energies of healing and peace.
But protection work as well, for myself and others towards whom she might direct her wrath.
Be compassionate--but cautious. There's no Universal Law that decrees "Thou Shalt Not Protect Thine Own Ass!"
Love and Light,

Wednesday, December 28, 2005

Quick Prayers to Tara

This is a prayer to Tara, also known as the Female Buddha. You don't need to be Buddhist to say it!
May all beings have happiness
May they be free from suffering
May they find the joy that has never known suffering
May they be free from attachment and hatred

Another prayer to join in mind/spirit with others who desire peace and healing on this planet is as follows:
I bow down in body, speech and mind
I offer the best I have to give, both real and imagined, to fill the space between us
I regret and purify all transgressions
I rejoice in all virtures
I request You to remain until total enlightenment
I request wise and compassionate guidance
I dedicate my merit for the sake of all beings

To order the Tara Box or other spiritual books go to the New World Library website.
For an excellent book on the power of prayer (denominaton/religion has NO bearing on how well it works!) check out Prayer Is Good Medicine by Dr. Larry Dossey, a medical doctor who has done extensive research into prayer and healing.
It's time for us to get together and stop fighting with each other as all positive paths lead back to the same Source when all is said and done.
In Light and Love,

Saturday, December 24, 2005

Nature reclaims Nuke Plant

Click the title link to read an article from the Boulder Daily Camera and my commentary concerning the good news regarding Rocky Flats becoming a wildlife refuge instead of a plant used in the maunfacture of nuclear weapons triggers.
People in the Boulder area have worked for years on all levels to make this dream come true. It represents a small step towards peace and renewal.
Love and Light,

Friday, December 23, 2005


I hate it when idiotic attitudes by certain people throw a bad light on a good thing.
Most recently, it has been revealed that a certain organization dedicated to the teachings of Qabalah will not allow homosexuals to gain higher levels of adeptness in the Mysteries. Thus, Qabalah as a whole is being linked to homophobic behavior.
Which is simply ridiculous.
Qabalah is a map of the way the Universe works. It does not discriminate based on race, gender, or sexual orientation. It is incapable of doing so.
The Holy made us all. That includes gays. Why is this such a hard thing to understand? Seems perfectly simple to me!
It also makes me want to see blood and gore and veins in my teeth* when I hear Qabalah referred to as a "cult."
Anybody can learn about Qabalah. You don't have to join a sect or temple. The teachings are there for the person who would prefer to study on their own, just as they are there for those who prefer to learn and worship in a group.
Qabalah is not even a religion. You can be whatever religion you choose and still gain from the teachings of Qabalah.
Now that we've cleared that up...
It isn't very spiritual of me to want to slap Madonna, is it?
Therefore, I guess I won't!
*From Alice's Restaurant by Arlo Guthrie

Thursday, December 22, 2005

The Scar of a Rose

In Latino culture, they are often able to see the dark side of existence without deeming it evil. For instance, there is the celebration of the Day of the Dead, which in most Anglo-European cultures, we are not able to understand the beauty of.
The metaphysical author Konstantinos writes of four alignments as opposed to the "black and white" pair that most people are used to: good and evil.
Konstantinos talks instead of good light and good dark, evil light and evil dark.
Good Light are those whom one usually considers good. Kind people with gentle, smiling spirits, they often work in professions where they care for others. Pope John Paul and Mother Teresa are two obvious examples of Good Light.
Persons of the Good Dark alignment are the most likely to be mistaken for evil. They are fascinated by darkness and the creatures therein. They attempt to understand the nature of death and the nature of evil. This understanding of evil helps them combat the evil within themselves, to help others combat the evil within, and to recognize evil. Examples of Good Dark would be persons such as Alice Cooper and Steve Harris (Iron Maiden.) Also, though less famous or talented, myself.
Evil Light is hard to recognize. These are people who put on a good face and point the finger at others, calling them evil. There are many persons in power who are Evil Light, but one of the best examples I can call to mind is the infamous Jerry Fallwell, who bilks innocent senior citizens and other vulnerable people out of their money by convincing them that if they don't send money to him, Satan will be that much closer to taking over.
Jerry Fallwell bilked my grandmother out of thousands. The letters he wrote were appalling. I wish I'd kept one. My Gram was a good Christian who didn't want the world going to Hell. Unfortuantely, she was sending money straight to one of Satan's top lieutenants without realizing it, in my opinion!
Evil dark is easy to spot. Hitler. Ceaucescu. Saddam Hussein. The real Vlad Dracula. And all of their devotees. The sad thing is how many people can be converted to following this sort of individual. It says something frighteneing about the nature of many souls.
Persons such as Elizabeth Bathory, who may not have had a great following but did heinous things and enjoyed them are also Evil Dark.
The pictures on the Scar of a Rose blog depict darkness and sorrow but not evil. Consider them with an open mind.
Love and Light,

Watching the Signs

During the waning moon, I burn a reversible candle and do prayers/spells to remove negative conditions. Tonight I have been working on removing blockages to happiness and prosperity. Maybe my credit card bills will vanish in a puff of smoke? ;-)
Too bad it doesn't work like that. But there will be a solution.
I watch the flame of the candle. Last week it seemed bogged down. Its light was very low and I began to wonder if the damn thing will ever get melted, because once melted your thoughtform is finished. I felt discouraged and didn't do any work for a few days.
Tonight the flame is high and bright although the wax is melting slowly.
I am still working not to be discouraged when things do not come to me instantaneously. Because by being discouraged, I may stop them from coming at all rather than perhaps seeing their slow but eventual arrival.
Angel of the Night:
The Queen of Angels
In Catholicism, this is Mary
In Qabalah, it is the Shekinah
In Gnosticism, it is Pistis Sophia
Three sisters aligned in one cause, or an angel of triple aspect?
And does it really matter?
Love and Light,

Prayer to St. Jude

Click the title link for a prayer to gain assistance from St. Jude, patron of hopeless causes.
Love and Light,

Tuesday, December 20, 2005

Ghostly Images

I have pictures of an unlikely pair of people, both of whom are buried in Skogskyrkogarden Cemetery in Stockholm.
I have a photo processing program in my computer.
Such a thing is a dangerous tool in the hands of an insane individual who knoweth not the first thing about using it properly!
These people are now traveling from the great beyond to kick my ass for messing so fiendishly with their images!
For better or worse, I have a compulsion to share what I've created.

An unlikely alliance, but perhaps not as unlikely as one might think.
She is quoted as having said she wanted to be alone. Apparently what she said is that she wanted to be left alone. She hid from the eyes of the public for most of her life.
He felt alone even when there were other people around.
Possibly they understand each other better than anyone might imagine.

I wish them both peace.


Sunday, December 18, 2005

Magickal Name

Some esoteric practicioners like to take a magickal name which they use in performing their mystical works. This certainly isn't necessary, but it can bring a certain feel to your endeavors.
I didn't have a magickal name for a long time. Nothing felt right to me. But I have recently chosen one, for a couple of different reasons.
My magickal name is Lily. And it took 40 years for it to come to me, so don't worry if yours doesn't come to you overnight.
Here are the motivations behind my choice:
As anyone who has read my main blog knows, I'm addicted to Stupid Personality Tests. One of the tests was the What Flower are You test. I was a lily.
Here is what it says about the Lily:
You are a nurturer and all around natural therapist.People see you as their rock. And they are able to depend on you.You are a soothing influence. You can make people feel better with a few words.Your caring has more of an impact than even you realize.
I thought these were nice things to aspire to. But I didn't think much about it beyond that at the time.
A few weeks later, I encountered the Find A Grave website by accident while looking for the kinds of odd bits of information that I'm prone to seek. And I happened upon the grave of a person for whom I've quite accidentally developed a great deal of compassion over the past few months. I've written a couple of posts about him on my main site, if you're interested in having a look.
Some might say, this is a simple case of one big freak being able to relate to another big freak's problems.
Damn straight!
One big freak relating to another's problems with love.
Anyway, I decided I want to leave a message about how this unfortunate young man had touched my heart. And you could choose from certain icons to go with your message.
It really felt right to choose a lily, so I did.
I have seen this same fellow in a dream since then. He greeted me as Lily.
And finally, it just feels right.
But you're free to call me Cie, Cara or Cheesy anytime. And if you're really feeling like acknowledging my almighty greatness, please refer to me as Your Majesty the Cheesemeister!
In Light, Love and Good Fun,


On Friday, I was having trouble with my ex-husband. I mentioned in this post that he sometimes behaves as a psychic vampire.
Since I work the night shift and much of the time all is quiet for me, I bring a jar candle and scented oil. After midnight, I light the candle and do the planetary attunement for the day that it has become after midnight, then any prayer and spell work that I wish to do.
When I was having trouble with my ex the other night, rather than trying to banish him from my home (which I was rather wanting to do!) I did work to resolve conflict.
Today my ex was very conciliatory and he and I got along fine. He is going to go to Arizona over the holidays to visit his parents, so my son and I will have the holidays together and my parents will be happy because they will get to see a lot of Michael at Christmas.
Some spell/prayer work accomplishes the desired end very quickly due either proximity or atmosphere, or blockages that are relatively minor. Other work may take more time (such as my getting a position in the desired department at work) but perserverance never hurts. The funny thing is, I had actually given up on the idea of ever getting this position and a year from starting the spell, one of my co-workers did something to really irk my supervisor and he was fired, so I was offered the job! I liked my co-worker and was sorry he got fired, but I was also very grateful to be granted my wish. I have been very happy in this department and this position.
Sometimes I've taken the "hell, it probably won't work but it doesn't hurt to try" approach with spells/prayers and gotten pleasant surprises. Truly, it never hurts to give it a go.
Love and Light and Peace to you,

Saturday, December 17, 2005

The Saturn Influence

Saturday is ruled by the influence of Saturn. In Qabalistic teaching, Saturn falls under the influence of the Sephirah Binah. Binah is the highest Sephirah on the Pillar of Severity (the Feminine pillar) Binah is also referred to as Sophia, the feminine aspect of Holy Wisdom.
From the Planetary Magick book by Denning and Phillips, this is the Planetary Profile for Saturn:
Lofty, autocratic, cold, mournful or brooding. The forces of constriction and crystallization. Affinity with the land and the depths of the Earth. Advancing age, the passage of time. Also, artistic creativity and the bringing of ideas into material form.
In Qabalistic teaching, the Masculine is unconfined energy, i.e. the spark of an idea. The Feminine force molds the energy into form, i.e. a painting created based on the idea.
Saturday is a good day for doing spells to remove any negative influences in your life, especially during the waning cycle of the moon. But during the waxing of the moon, it is a good day to pray for guidance to bring creative projects to fruition, or to blast the living hell out of a stubborn case of writers' (or other creative) block!
The positive aspects of Saturn are wisdom and perserverance. An imbalance of Saturnine energy results in these pathologies:
Apathy, depression, phobias, weakening of the immune system, afflictions of the skin, lymph system and other glands. Hoarding, stinginess.
The sphere of Saturn is governed by the planetary spirit Aratron, a mature wizard clad in silver robes. He is depicted as austere but benign in nature, awaiting to asist the seeker. Other spirits of this sphere are the Celestial Queen and The Ancient.
Tonight I have worked to cleanse myself of negative emotional influences and to heal the damage done.
My hope is to be able to heal the psychic wounds which caused me to have bipolar disorder in this life, that I might not have to be afflicted with it again in the next life. All problems of the body and mind are actually spiritual in origin. This doesn't mean that adopting a "seeing the world through rose colored glasses" attitude will automatically cure your gallstones or stop you from being pissed off every time you see your abusive Uncle Jed. If only it were that simple.
It means that by developing spiritual awareness, the truth behind such problems will eventually be revealed, and sometimes this alone manifests a miraculous cure. The pain or anger may, however, be very deep-seated and it may take quite some time to heal. Which is probably why I was always nauseated by the namby-pamby New Age attitude of "Just love yourself and everything will be fine!" 'Tain't that easy, McGee! If it were we'd all be rich, beautiful, healthy, and with the exact right partner. If there's one thing I've learned in this and other lifetimes, nothing comes easy in this Universe!
The dichotomy is, once we finally "get it" (and we have to "get it" at the deepest level, not just in our limited Mental Matrix) everything WILL be easy!
The spiritual dwellers of the Saturn sphere are ready to assist us, firmly but gently, when we open ourselves to their assistance.
In Love and Light,

Friday, December 16, 2005

Psychic Vampire

My ex-husband is a psychic vampire.
I can tolerate having him around for short periods of time. But he quit his job, and now he is around the house playing video games with my son all the time.
Having him around drains my energy, but I don't feel right about telling him he can't see our son.
Still, all he does is have the kid playing video games all day long. Stealing his time and numbing his mind. I don't like it, but I don't feel like there's much I can do about it.
A psychic vampire is someone who makes you feel drained. They steal your energy. Some of them are deliberately hostile. Some of them actually know they are draining other people's energy. Others may be physically ill and unable to stop themselves. Some may be mentally ill and unaware that they are harming others.
Most people have probably accidentally drained another person at one time or another. But there are those who are chronic vampires. The kind of people where after you've been around them for any period of time, you feel like a dark cloud is hanging over your head. You feel tired. You feel depressed. You may become more accident prone.
I'll do some work to bring the Positive Energy back in tonight, and a spell to guide my ex to finding a new job! He needs to think it's his idea or it won't work. But one thing's for sure--if he doesn't quit hanging around my house day in and day out, I'm getting out the wooden stake!
Chill and think mellow thoughts...
Peace to you,

My Current Work

We are just entering the phase of the waning moon. This is a good time to get rid of all the psychic trash in your life. I do not do any spells for gain during this time, unless there is an emergency. I light a Reversible candle (which is red on top and black on the bottom) and pray to remove whatever blockages there are to my achieving on a personal and spiritual level. Tonight before midnight, I opened my Planetary Magick book (by Osborne Phillips and Melita Denning, available from Llewellyn Press) to the Rite of Approach in Jupiter, as Thursday is ruled by Jupiter and prayed to have blockages to my prosperity and joy removed.
Every paycheck is gone a couple of days after I get it. My bills are too many and I'm behind on credit card payments. It makes me very depressed. I'm not saying this to gain sympathy but to share what I'm working on and I will report my progress. This is an ongoing problem for me and I've always been too ashamed to admit it, even to the Universe. So it is time to drop my stupid pride and ask for help.
I also prayed to help me reverse the weight gain that has burdened me. Jupiter is the sphere of abundance, and I realize that due to a feeling of lack of abundance, I take in too much food and also hold onto weight, in order to protect myself from having to look at what's actually bothering me. I have asked the Universe and its Holy beings to help me with this.
After midnight, I performed the Rite of Approach in Venus. I asked for removal of the things that are preventing me from finding love and to heal the wounds on my psyche from the betrayals I have experienced.
With every ritual I do, I close with this prayer to the Angels. You can say this any time and please let me know if it is of help to you.
First, speak your intention. Then say these words:
Ariel begins it
Baradiel guides it
The Chalkydri sing it
The Devas manifest it
Elohim wills it
The Fravashi better it
Gabriel brings it
The Hafaza watch it
The Ischim balance it
Jael guards it
Kadmiel births it
Lahabiel aids it
Michael raises it
Nebo ministers it
Ofaniel sees it
The patron angels devote it
The Queen of angels speaks it
Raphael inspires it
Sandalphon prays it
The Thrones sanctify it
Uriel strengthens it
Vrevoil reveals it
The Watchers protect it
Xathanael patrons it
Yahriel places the glory of the moon on it
The Zodiac angels seal it
And Spirit brings it through time and space
So Be It.
Ho! or Amen!
Make the sign in the air of an equal-armed cross, using your dominant hand

I found this chant at Everything Under The Moon. It was channeled by Silver Raven Wolf.
Try it if it suits you!
Good luck in your workings and on your journey and peace to you.
In Love and Light,

The Gnosis Blog

In Gnostic Christianity, all are welcome to share their knowledge. An enjoyable thing to do is to open up a Holy Tome to a random page and read a passage aloud. Then all participants interpret the passage. There is none of the judgment that tends to drive people away from fundamentalist Christianity.
After discovering the Holy Qabalah, I was inspired to study the commonalities of religions in hopes that someday there could be peace, rather than fighting and killing over who's right and who's wrong about a force that it is arrogant of humans to believe that we can truly understand. I have found that there are certain tenets common to all positive religions. Everything else is just cosmetic differences. You may be drawn to a certain religion in your life because that is what can best teach you what you need to know to evolve spiritually at this given time.
I was raised Catholic but couldn't resign myself to certain of the dogmas. I still gain a deep sense of being closer to the Holy when I am able to attend a High Mass, which unfortunately is not very often. I personally don't see any conflict in going to the Catholic or Episcopal church one week and the Buddhist temple or Church of Light (an Esoteric Christian church in Boulder) the next, and a Wiccan celebration the week after. A lot of people, however, do.
I've been told more than once that I'm going to Hell, so if that's what you're here to tell me, don't bother. I've already got my handbasket ready, and it's well stocked with hot dogs, marshmallows and plenty of hard rock music to listen to!
I actually think that you have to do something pretty horrible to end up in any of the hells, so I'm pretty sure I'm ok in that department. I can be a bit of an ass sometimes, but I usually punish myself far and away enough for it, so no deities or anti-deities have to bother.
In the Gnostic tradition, and due to the fact that I'm bipolar and scatterbrained, the knowledge I share will follow no pattern except that it's what I'm working with, have discovered and/or have been inspired by it. And who knows, it may be just what you need!
In Love, Light, and hope to bring more Fun to the world because Heaven knows we sure can use it I am:
Cie, the Cheesemeister!
Your High Priestess of the Gnostic College of Folly and Gnowledge