Monday, April 21, 2008

What A Sinner we Have In Cheesemeister


Take the Seven Deadly Sins Quiz

Saturday, April 12, 2008

How To Be A Pariah

It's easy in a closed-minded society. But let me tell you how I managed it 25 years ago.

My one semester in college occurred during the Satanic Panic fervor. 18 and thick as a brick, I naively thought that people who went to college were more open-minded than other folk. Gives you the idea that maybe, just maybe, I am not the sharpest tool in the shed. But I have learned a lot since then. Big lesson learned: most people are terrified, narrow minded sheep. If this were the middle ages I would have been burned at the stake a long time ago. But since there are laws preventing "good" Christian folk from burning evil polytheists at the stake these days, their blood lust now goes unthwarted most of the time in this society.
I was drawn like a moth to a flame to anything containing alcohol, and my tongue was loosened. I gleefully told everyone about my ability to talk to ghosts. And when the subject of religion came up I openly told them about being raised Catholic but having found polytheism. Lo and behold, I was now a pariah.
My room mate moved out, fearing that I, the "Satan Worshipper" would sacrifice her like a goat one night in her sleep. Unbelievably, I still had a few friends but most of the other dorm dwellers talked in whispers when I came by, left rude missives on my message board, and ducked into their rooms if they saw me coming. My mental health took a turn for the worse. I was always getting blasted or high, often with people I didn't know. In one case using beer bongs at a party till I lost count, wandering off in a state of oblivion until I knocked on the door of some more people I didn't know, who turned out, luckily, to be a very mellow, pot-smoking grad student couple who called a cab for me between tokes. I went to the student health center because my stomach hurt terribly, left when it stopped hurting, met another group of people I didn't know and partyed with them till daylight. Another time didn't turn out so well. A bit too trusting of a fellow whom I met in line for concert tickets for AC/DC I went with him to have a few drinks and get high. He wanted "payment" for the drinks and weed. I didn't want to give him payment but was too wasted to fight, so he took his payment. I ended up a worse mess than ever psychologically. Somewhere during this psychological hell I met and began a codependent relationship with my ex husband.
Since then I have developed a "don't ask don't tell" policy when it comes to topics like psychic phenomena and religious beliefs. Even then I generally just tell those who ask that I'm a Buddhist, which is, in fact, part of the truth. I go to the Buddhist temple to meditate when I can. I put up Tara and Buddha statuettes on my desk while working at night. With Buddhism, one is working on improving their relationship to themselves and the Universe, not telling others what to think and do. So yes, I am a Buddhist. But while I don't deny my Pagan beliefs I don't tell too many people outright either. The place that I work is run by a Christian organization, so you can see that this wouldn't go over too well. I'm not going to pretend that I'm a "good" practicing Christian, but I'm going to protect myself too. Because in this case, being a pariah can mean loss of income, and I'm just not ready for the lesson of being homeless yet.
And I sure as hell ain't gonna blurt out that I wrote a book with the help of a ghost or that I've been talking to ghosts for a goodly portion of my life. Because Cie Cheesemeister didn't write a book with a ghost--Lily Strange did. Very few people that I have personal contact with will ever know that the two are one and the same. Luckily, I don't think that my "big ole Satan worshippin' book of sin an' evil" will ever be something to catch the attention of most bible thumpin' Corset Christians. Unless they're burning it, of course.

Tuesday, April 08, 2008

Thoughts from a Ghost and a Psychic Sponge on the anniversary of his death

Ah, ghost sickness. Fun--NOT!!!

When certain very traumatic events take place, they leave a psychic imprint. My co-author committed suicide on April 8 1991. Since meeting him in August of 1995, I have experienced varying degrees of ghost sickness when this date approaches. This year it has taken the form of high anxiety. In 2006 on this date I literally thought I was going to die. I vomited rather violently a couple of times and felt dreadfully dizzy. Last year wasn't bad because we focused our energies elsewhere by sending the book in for publication on this dread date. No book this year, so, oh fuck, here we go again. It isn't as bad as it was in 2006 but I am still not having a great time. A few days ago I had a panic attack so severe that I was afraid I might have to go to the ER. I am not sure how much of this was triggered by the opening of these particular energies.
I wish to impart that neither my co-author nor any other spirit is trapped in a psychic tape loop reliving an incident such as this repeatedly. He tells me that he in fact has never been back to the location in which it took place. Following the initial traumatic incident he returned to the location for a couple of weeks (in part, he says, to engage in a modicum of poltergeist activity against his former not very beloved roommate) but realized fairly quickly that doing so was not in any way useful and so resolved to never return to that place. The energy of the incident, however, will remain until such time as the difficulties that drove him to the act are healed. And this can take a very long time. Sometimes a person will even encounter an incident of trauma from a past life. The traumatic fallout from this incident could be around long after my co-author has reincarnated. If he were to return to this place in a future life he would experience a great deal of discomfort and might in essence "meet himself" although nothing of his personality actually remains there, only the energies from the very strong emotional state surrounding his death.
The place where the incident happened is not a good one. The energies there are very negative, and were before this incident. It is a gateway to the lower astral. Anyone who is very sensitive to energies AND prone to depression (someone like my co-author) should avoid such a place. He in fact had friends who told him that the place wasn't healthy and he should move away from it. Sadly, his mindset and circumstances were such that he did not take action in this regard. While there are many things which contributed to his unfortunate decision to take his own life, the energies in the place where he was living did not help. Lower astral beings thrive on energies of misery and depression and found someone like him (a troubled person who is also a psychic sensitive) an easy target.
The memories and emotions of relatives come into play as well on the anniversary of an untimely death of this nature, as does the remorse of the spirit themselves. While he has a greater understanding of his psyche than he did at the time he took his life, he still has issues that he is dealing with and he feels a great deal of remorse for bringing pain upon others. Although my co-author had something of a notorious image, he has apologized profusely to me every time sensing the energies surrounding this date cause me distress. It isn't his fault that I'm a psychic sponge and he wouldn't be able to talk to me so readily if I weren't. But there is still a lot of work to be done.
My friend jokes that he's not sure if his musical tastes have evolved or mutated in the years since his demise, but he has developed a strong liking for the blues and for music with tones such as are found in Celtic and Australian aboriginal music. The didgeridoo actually vibrates at the same level as a discarnate spirit, so most human spirits find it pleasant.
We were listening to this song the other night and he said that he liked it and asked if I would include it if I made a collection of songs for him like I did last year. Of course I will, and I'll put it here too.
In spite of the annual psychic hell, I'm very glad I met this friend (although sometimes it sucks that he's invisible to me) and I hope we'll be able to create many more things together. He helps make my life bearable. I've never exactly been a ray of sunshine myself.
Robin Trower plays Bridge of Sighs
For my dear friend and co-author
January 16, 1969-April 8, 1991
I know you're restless, but may you find peace and comfort and know that you have friends here.
My co author wants to leave a note so anything after this point is quoted verbatim from him.
Note from the spooky bastard:
Thank you, I appreciate it. What I like about this song is it is soothing, like being rocked on an ocean. Unlike some people this does not make me throw up--Lily.
Also it helps if you do not have to drink water, not so fun to be in the middle of the ocean with only salt water to drink, then you may join me sooner than you think.
Also with the song, hell of great guitar work. Everybody fantasizes of playing guitar but I never could, my fingers tied into knots when I try so this does not work too well.
Thank you for putting up with me. This year is better than the past. So no more of this anxiety shit. I would not like to have to hurt you!
Only kidding. We must say for those that insists to take everything literal.
If you read this we wish to you to remember to keep an open mind as a consipation in the head is not very pleasant and causes your thoughts to be shit. Also, keep guns away from your head especially if depressed. If you do what you may be thinking of you cannot take it back and believe me even I wished I could, even as fucking miserable as I was in that moment. There is no rewind, no take back, no re-play. I have much I wish to impart but cannot of my own accord do so any longer. While I enjoy and appreciate my partnership with my living friend, it would be much more fun if we could also look at each other. Not to give you some sickening sweet tommorow is another day crap but if you are thinking to do it think twice and think again. Not false hope only reality.
Good wishes to you and also positive energies.
Yes, this from me. If you do not care for such things, the problem is not mine. But for those which accept, the offer stands.

Monday, April 07, 2008

Healer of Souls

The deity of the day was Tawert, who is an Egyptian goddess. She is a deity of transition, both a helper of mothers and a healer of souls. Her basic appearance is that of a pregnant hippopotamus with a crocodile tail. She is called upon both to help bring new life into the world and to guide the souls of those who have entered the spirit world. So I called upon her both to protect and guide my son as he enters adulthood and goes to live on his own, to help me deal with this transition because I'm not dealing with it very well, and to help guide and heal my co-author, who committed suicide 17 years ago tomorrow.

Since we are on the subject of Egyptian death rites, here is an interesting page regarding ancient Egyptian funerary items and practices.

Friday, April 04, 2008

Ostara Invocation

I found this beautiful poem/invocation for the Goddess Ostara on this page.

Ostara Invocation

rising waxing
morning’s redness
an egg in the palm
a seed in the soil

waxing, rising
thrusting, lusting
hare of dusk and
dawning’s robin

a bloom springing forth
the down of willow
blooming, singing
rutting, springing

sap flows sweet
the birds are waking
waking, knowing
stretching, growing

Ostara, i can hear your footsteps
in sparrow song
in robin trill

Ostara, i can see your tresses
in scarlet maples
the daffodil

girl of gold and
morning’s redness
blooming, singing
rutting, springing

sap flows sweet
the songbirds waking
waking, knowing
stretching, growing

the egg in the palm
a seed in the soil

—Jenne Micale

Ostara is a goddess of fertility whose festival is held on the Spring Equinox.

As I was wanting to do work for healing my heart today and to bring good fortune to my writing project, I find Ostara to have been a fortuitous choice for the deity of the day. Fertility does not always mean reproduction. It also encompasses anything for which there is a birth process, and this includes creative works and even the growth of crops or the birth of a business.

I (and my co-author) have been feeling sad over the lack of interest in our creation, but we will continue to create, as we enjoy working together. Also, we both need a lot of healing and feel we can support each other. So we will continue our work, both creative and spiritual.

Blessings to any who may see this. I hope it helps you in some way.