Tuesday, June 24, 2008

Healing Your Soul: Free Guided Meditations

I believe that this online radio station is available internationally. If not, my bad. You may have to sign up for a free account with Live 365 to be able to access it, if so you'll be guided to do so. Don't worry, they won't spam you. I've been a member of Live 365 for about a year and a half and they've always been great.
The station is Healing Your Soul and is operated by the Reverend Cherise Thorne. The meditations are non-denominational but appeal to the Buddhist and Qabalist learnings in my case. For the first time in a long time I got into a really good altered state and was able to access the other planes very strongly. I felt healed and refreshed and my imagination is stronger than ever. I haven't been able to get to the local Buddhist temple for quite some time due to my work schedule, so this was just the ticket. If you feel like you could use a little raising of your consciousness and relaxation of the body, it may be just the thing!

Sunday, June 22, 2008

Curb Your Instinct

What color is your soul painted?


Your soul is painted the color brown, which embodies the characteristics of calmness, depth, nature, stability, tradition, poverty, roughness, down-to-earth, uncertainty, and neutrality. Brown is the color of the element Earth, and represents soil and, to a lesser degree, fertility of the Earth.

Personality Test Results

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I know what you're thinking of saying about my brown soul--but stop yourself from saying it or I'll open a can of Whoop Ass on you!

Monday, June 16, 2008

Empowering vs. Belittling

Thought about this when watching a rerun of the old Friday the 13th TV show. This one featured a female fertility doctor who was a druid and was plumb full of misinformation about the druids. There is no evidence that the druids practiced human sacrifice, for instance, and, as Cernunos is a male fertility deity, it would seem odd that he would want males sacrificed. Of course this is a plot device to portray witches as man-hating feminist bitches. Probably brought to you by the same lot that equates feminist with man hater in the first place.
I identify myself as a feminist, and more than one person has called me a bitch. But while I have come to loathe patriarchal society, I have never hated men. I have known more than one man bashing feminist bitch. A few of these have used Goddess-based religions as an excuse for their dislike of men. Personally, while I think that it can be a positive thing to have occasions when women meet solely with their sisters and men with their brothers, I think that excluding men from learning about and learning to honor the goddesses is folly. We all become more balanced as human beings when we honor both the male and female rather than reviling female as "weak and emotional" and male as "brutish but powerful." Without male and female, we could not have life.
Females are capable of great strength and males of great tenderness. Until we learn to honor both masculine and feminine and to allow them to work together, we will continue to be a world out of balance.

The Demiurge Rules This World

For an explanation of what is the Demiurge, please see the post below for information and then if you have further questions you may ask, but this is fine basic knowledge.
This is thoughts channeled from me, the fellow which writes the book with Lily.
I grow up surrounded with the Demiurge. We are to worship the Demiurge but it is not refered to thus in my home. It is refered to as God. I do not go much into the dynamics of my home, only that there is much to be unhappy about. My father is a priest of the Demiurge, but again, he believes that this is god and not only A god but GOD!!!! With capital letters and neon sign light and stars all around thank you very fucking much. And you must WORSHIP THIS FUCKER or get your ass kicked to the depths of hell!!!
I find I do not care for the Demiurge very much.
Understand that in life I do not know this name. I do know the names of many gods but not this name. I make the choice to worship Satan at a time, but it is not really much of worship that goes in so much as spouting words to try and make myself look "bad." (to my embarrassment I find out later that really I do not look that "bad," more like I have distemper or such.) But now it is understood thus. I did not so much "worship Satan" as I spit in the face of what is called god, for I think this god to be a FUCKING ARSEHOLE!!!! Turns out I am right.
There is another personality in my soul whom would talk to you much friendlier about all this. I see not reason to. My anger and misery can be much attributed to the fuckery of this church I am raised in, that still is a major entity in this world and leads many otherwise fine people to believe they are going to burn in some sort of hell, to be trapped into misery because they cannot swallow the poison of the false prophecy of the BLIND, INSANE GOD! Some choose to believe that this is a benevolent god, but while there is benevolent gods, this Demiurge is not one.
The church of christianity worships the Demiurge whether they believe this is whom they worship or no. The laws of this being blinds all and has not mercy. I do not encounter it following my death, I avoid it. It does not send me to hell. What hells there are does not make room for fools, as I make my own hell in my heart it is already took care of. We do incounter the creator energy, and this is what some thinks they worship when they step foot into the church of christianity. If you truly worship this, and if you truly think you shall live in the footsteps of the man Jesus, then you must abandon this church, for it shall lead you astray. The church which says it worships the ideals of this man Jesus does not, in fact, in any ways resemble. He was a teacher and a person of kind thought and not twisted with hate and judgment and a belief of being superior to others. These is the ways of the Demiurge but many will continue to be seduced into his church and fooled.
Why anybody would wish to feed the power lust of this creature any longer is not so mystifying. They are afraid and seduced. I have saw the eyes of such people. It leads someone with a mind sickened by things I do not care to discuss into the folly of calling demons upon themself. The demons of the hells feed the demons of my mind and I believe they had plenty of joy to feed off as I kill my body in a terribly violent fashion filled with hate of my self at the moment of death. But not only hate. Such terrible, terrible dispair. At such a time, believe me, the Demiurge turns his arse to you! Oh, it is all well and good to frighten the sunday church goers with a bit of a Satanic dance, but in the end the soul is also left empty if you worship a god of emptiness. It would have been more fulfilling if I had done so with a bit more mirth. But I was eaten up inside with sorrows and horrors of the mind. My sleep was twisted in nightmare and my heart broken and torn apart, something living dead, rotting yet still bleeding. Demons danced in my dreams and I knew not peace. This church which was forced upon me, it brought not peace but more of terror.
I do not recommend worshiping the anti-god or what have you simply so you are worshiping "not the demiurge." If you call to you negative energy then it will fall into the empty pockets of your soul and destroy you. Already I had enough evil in my life. But if you have wondered if the church you have been brain washed to attending is full of shit, then the answer is yes. Will the Demiurge make your life miserable if you depart? Perhaps. It all depends how strong your psyche is to resist. Mine was not very much so. My friend who channels this words of me from beyond the grave is also not very much so. Whom gods destroy they first make mad, it is said. She is unhappy and fears. I lived a life fully fear-filled, which ends only making a stupid tongue twister. Filled with demons and ugly images. In death I work to erase some of this. I do not wish to be born to a new life schizophrenic or such. First before being reborn I must understand and heal.
I am fine in my next life to worship the old gods. In the end both the demiurge and the anti-god will shit on you and eat your soul if you let them.
I remain...
Yes, still Dead.
Suicide will not let you escape who and what you are.

A Description of the Demiurge

Abridged Text from Wikipedia. The full text is here.


The term appears in Gnosticism. The material universe is seen as evil or at least a place created by an insane, malevolent, and/or inferior creator deity.

The Gnostics attributed many of the actions and laws which in the Tanach or Old Testament are attributed to the Hebrew God Yehovah, to the Demiurge (see the Sethians and Ophites).

Alternative Gnostic names for the Demiurge, include Yaldabaoth, "Samael", "Saklas", and "Kosmokrator". He is known as Ptahil in Mandaeanism. The figures of the "Angel of YHWH" and the "Angel of Death" may have contributed to the Gnostic view of the Demiurge.


Gnostic myth recounts that Sophia (Greek, literally meaning "wisdom"), the Demiurge’s mother and a partial aspect of the divine Pleroma or “Fullness,” desired to create something apart from the divine totality, and without the receipt of divine assent. In this abortive act of separate creation, she gave birth to the monstrous Demiurge and, being ashamed of her deed, she wrapped him in a cloud and created a throne for him within it. The Demiurge, isolated, did not behold his mother, nor anyone else, and thus concluded that only he himself existed, being ignorant of the superior levels of reality that were his birth-place.

The Gnostic myths describing these events are full of intricate nuances portraying the declination of aspects of the divine into human form; this process occurs through the agency of the Demiurge who, having stolen a portion of power from his mother, sets about a work of creation in unconscious imitation of the superior Pleromatic realm. Thus Sophia’s power becomes enclosed within the material forms of humanity, themselves entrapped within the material universe: the goal of Gnostic movements was typically the awakening of this spark, which permitted a return by the subject to the superior, non-material realities which were its primal source. (See Sethian Gnosticism.)

Under the name of Nebro (rebel), Yaldabaoth is called an angel in the apocryphal Gospel of Judas. He is first mentioned in "The Cosmos, Chaos, and the Underworld" as one of the twelve angels to come "into being [to] rule over chaos and the [underworld]". He comes from heaven, his "face flashed with fire and whose appearance was defiled with blood". Nebro creates six angels in addition to the angel Saklas to be his assistants. These six in turn create another twelve angels “with each one receiving a portion in the heavens.”


Samael” literally means “Blind God” or “God of the Blind” in Aramaic (Syriac sæmʕa-ʔel). This being is considered not only blind, or ignorant of its own origins, but may in addition be evil; its name is also found in Judaica as the Angel of Death and in Christian demonology. This leads to a further comparison with Satan.


Another alternative title for the Demiurge, “Saklas,” is Aramaic for “fool” (Syriac sækla “the foolish one”).


Some Gnostic teachers (notably Marcion of Sinope and the Sethians) seem to have identified the evil Demiurge with Yahweh, the God of the Old Testament, in opposition and contrast to the God of the New Testament. Still others equated the being with Satan. Catharism apparently inherited their idea of Satan as the creator of the evil world directly or indirectly from Gnosticism. However, "YHWH" is generally not used as a name of the demiurge in Gnostic texts. Yaldabaoth isn't likely from "YHWH Sabaoth" since Yaldabaoth has an "L" at the end of "ya", suggesting the name of an angel is the origin of the term. The names of most angels of Jewish origin end with the syllable "el". On the other hand, some angels were called by some YHWH because they represented God's power and authority. This was especially true of the supreme angel that represented God, who was sometimes called the "lesser YHWH". A Jewish sect of first century B.C., called the Maghariyyah, held that angels organized the world and ordained the Law. Such views may have been part of the origin of Gnostic Christian belief in the Demiurge and his archons.

Nowhere in the Old testament, or New Testament canon, is the creator of the world or the universe identified as Satan. Nor in the Old (see the Septuagint) or New Testament is the cosmos, nature or earth created by the creator referred to as evil. Rather than presenting Satan as the creator of the world as we know it, orthodox Christianity holds that the New Testament presents the view that creation has been subjected to his rule through mankind's defection from the creator Yahweh. As a result, Satan is called "the god of this world" at (2 Cor. 4:4), and John states that "the whole world lies in the grip of the Wicked One." (1 John 5:19) The vilification of the Creator of the material world is to both traditions orthodox Christian and Jewish movements, foreign and not documented as a traditional perspective. [11]

This, in fact, is a crucial doctrine often overlooked by those who have difficulty harmonizing the goodness of Yahweh the Creator with the evil that is evident in the world (see the problem of evil).

While concepts such as syzygies (see Valentinus) and the soul and spiritual as good and the body and the material universe as evil would indeed reflect a very distinct and clear duality as it is expressed within the Sethian and other gnostic traditions (also see Mind-body dichotomy).

An example of vilifying the Creator would be to attribute the term “Kosmokrator” (found in the New Testament) to the Old Testament creator as the fallen Gnostic demiurge (see Marcion and the Cathars). If one sees the attribute of organizor of the cosmos as inherent in the concept of God, then the title “The God of this Aeon”, becomes a powerful indicator that Satan is indeed the creator. Modern-day Cathars see the epithet κοσμοκράτορας (Kosmokrator) (Koine Greek kosmokratoras (lit. "world ruler", κόσμο cosmos + κράτορας ("kratia"), which is applied to Satan in Ephesians 6:12, as a possible further indication of the creatorship of Satan and his identity with the Demiurge.

This usage would, according to some, vilify the logos[12] as it was used by Heraclitus, meaning the ruling or guiding principle of the universe.

Some people think St. Paul's passage was referring to men of power falling under the influence of evil as in the world-rulers (since the word Kosmokrators in Ephesians is plural meaning many rulers not one ruler) of the darkness of the age this then meaning many evil rulers not just one. The Gnostics held there were several archons under the supreme archon of the cosmos, the Demiurge.

Friday, June 06, 2008

Clear as mud on a foggy day

I don't know that I'm exactly an atheist at this point but I do know that if the church god exists than it is not a just god because a just god would not allow the kind of suffering that goes on in the world. I do believe that there is something of the personality that survives the death of the body, the reiki energy survives. I don't really know what existence on the "other side" is like. I do know that those who have communicated with me are earthbound spirits and for them existence is somewhat free floating. They find something to attach to because they aren't ready to be dead. If I were to die now I would be one of them because so much is unresolved.
I don't like being in a church and praying. I like being in nature looking at trees or flowers and meditating. This is why Buddhism appeals to me more than the Catholic religion that I grew up with. I went through a period of dabbling in the "left hand path" and got the fuck scared out of me, so I stopped messing with those energies. I do appeal to the Pagan deities at times. They seem much more approachable than the Christian god. But I don't know if they really give a flip about me or mine either. Right now I don't have much to say about gods. I feel pretty adrift and pretty abandoned by the higher energies of the Universe.
I have a bunch of health problems, one of them seeming to be related to my heart. I have to sleep with my head elevated to keep my heart from palpitating. I have elevated blood pressure that is usually in the pre-hypertension range but sometimes ranges into hypertension. I know I need to lose a bunch of weight but am afraid to start exercising strenuously until the actual cause of these heart palpitations has been pinpointed. I realize I have mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder. I'm not addressing any of that right now. I'm only addressing the fact that I'm enduring quite a bit of doubt in life, the universe and everything, or at least in any kind of kindness from the higher forces. At this point they seem pretty distant and impersonal. Maybe they've just had enough of our bullshit. I know that's how I'd feel. It would be something like this: "Screw you fuckers, I'm going home. I've had enough of you calling me whenever you need something but acting like I don't exist and you did it all yourself after I help you."
The fact is, a benevolent god wouldn't do that. A benevolent god would be more like someone feeding their pet fish. The fish doesn't acknowledge who you are exactly, but it's grateful for the food. You like the fish even though the fish doesn't know exactly what you are and it doesn't thank you by name. A benevolent deity would treat its creations with love whether or not they acknowledged its existence. There wouldn't be this ego trip going on with threats of fire and brimstone. I can't buy into that belief system any more.
Right now I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm buying. I think I'm kind of waiting and seeing. What I do know is that right now the world kinda seems to suck for everybody. Maybe we have to fight to get out of the suckage.
Maybe the materialists are right and nothing exists beyond this life. But for me that's a pretty shitty and depressing belief and it only leads to misery, so I'm not going to allow it to take over any more than I'm going to buy into the dogma of the fire and brimstone lot.
In the immortal words of Chuck D, I've gotta do what I've gotta do so who the hell is you to tell me that my song is wrong.
I can only go with what I know. Which sometimes is not a whole hell of a lot. So I guess I'll just fly by the seat of my pants like always and see what happens.