Monday, December 17, 2007

Meditation/Spiritual Practice and Exhaustion

I was raised with a religion wherein there were a lot of things that could make you a BAD PERSON. One of these things was being remiss about attending services on the given day at the given time. This may be one reason why I was drawn initially to solitary esoteric work and later to Buddhism as well. There wasn't so much dogma. "You have to do Y on day X, or you'll go to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS!!! AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE IS NO BUTTER IN HELL AND SO YOU WILL FRY PAINFULLY WITH NO EMULSIFYER."
Even when I left behind the religion of rigid dogma, this is one of the beliefs that piggybacked on my subconscious, along with if you wish for money something horrible will happen to you. This belief may well be blocking the free flow of positive energy between myself and the Universe. For instance, I have been zombie tired the past few days. I can barely muster the energy to place the Tara and Buddha statuettes, let alone do any sort of invocations. While Tara and Buddha are not the sort of deities to strike one down with lightning for not worshipping on schedule, I still feel the old I AM NOT WORTHY creeping in. The only thing I can do is recognize it and let it go. Holding onto it or fighting it are only going to do me no good. So I may have to repeat for a while that this is an erroneous belief and must be released before it finally departs. But I won't wrestle with it because wrestling only allows it to keep its hold on me.
Peace and blessings.


yellowdog granny said...

i was googling pagan churches and found one in west...can you believe that?...someone asked me if I was going to go..said hell no...I didn't like organized christian churches why would i want to go to a pagan church ?..If i want to go to church..I just step out on my porch...

Lily Strange said...

My experiences with organized Wicca have generally been pretty negative, though not as negative as my experiences with Christianity in general. I was stunned to find out that a lot of organized Wiccans are damn near as dogmatic as the Christians I have known, they just worship different powers. It's probably because they were raised Christian and the dogmatic attitude followed them. But I don't need it.
The only place I've never had the dogma follow me is at the Buddhist temple, which is why when I do go to a place of worship, I go there. They generally have an attitude that you are where you are and that's where you need to start from. The Universe will take you where you need to be. But when it comes to getting in tune with the other powers, I have to do that on my own.
One reason I hope someday I can live in the country again is that then I can step out on my porch and talk to the Nature Spirits. Kind of hard to do in a trailer park where everyone living around you is pretty well assuredly Christian.

Anonymous said...

I think that to hang onto dogmata is a general human affair, not a specific christian thing: Man wants "order", wants reliability, wants "it to be sure".