Monday, December 17, 2007
I was raised with a religion wherein there were a lot of things that could make you a BAD PERSON. One of these things was being remiss about attending services on the given day at the given time. This may be one reason why I was drawn initially to solitary esoteric work and later to Buddhism as well. There wasn't so much dogma. "You have to do Y on day X, or you'll go to H-E-DOUBLE-HOCKEY-STICKS!!! AND EVERYBODY KNOWS THERE IS NO BUTTER IN HELL AND SO YOU WILL FRY PAINFULLY WITH NO EMULSIFYER."
Even when I left behind the religion of rigid dogma, this is one of the beliefs that piggybacked on my subconscious, along with if you wish for money something horrible will happen to you. This belief may well be blocking the free flow of positive energy between myself and the Universe. For instance, I have been zombie tired the past few days. I can barely muster the energy to place the Tara and Buddha statuettes, let alone do any sort of invocations. While Tara and Buddha are not the sort of deities to strike one down with lightning for not worshipping on schedule, I still feel the old I AM NOT WORTHY creeping in. The only thing I can do is recognize it and let it go. Holding onto it or fighting it are only going to do me no good. So I may have to repeat for a while that this is an erroneous belief and must be released before it finally departs. But I won't wrestle with it because wrestling only allows it to keep its hold on me.
Peace and blessings.