Tuesday, February 21, 2006

A Lesson in Norse Mythology

Warning: this post is rated H for "Humor."
So if you've lost your sense thereof...
Find it--then return!

While watching Truly Stupid Television (AKA Web Junk on VH1) I was apprised of the existence of Draugs in modern Scandinavia.
A draug is the hideous headless ghost of a pissed-off sailor who drowned without a proper burial at sea and whose goal it has become to drown other sailors in like manner. This description comes from Encyclopedia Mythica.
by Youri Boone
A Nordic variety of the Icelandic draugr, draugs are most often identified with the spirits of mariners drowned at sea (as for example in Jonas Lie’s Elias and the Draug). Having been denied proper burial themselves, they haunt the shores of Norway to bring doom upon any mariner who sees them. Conversely, they are only visible to their future victims.
Draugs are said to have seaweeds for heads and to sail around in half a boat. Some accounts portray them as shapeshifters who take on the appearance of stones in the shoreline. When a mariner treads upon such a stone he faces certain death, unless he would first spit on it.

Well, my encyclopedia of Norse mythology says that draugs are headless, so I can only assume that some of them have taken to wearing seaweed in place of their missing noggin.
Draugs are getting bolder these days and expanding their territory. In the past, they have confined themselves to their half-fishing boats, having contests to see which among them could bring the most sailors to a watery doom.
In spite of its fearsome aspect, the Draug has a weakness. It is a very proper horror and cannot abide anyone ripping loose with a trumpeting blast from the old backside. In my hallowed Encyclopedia of Norse mythology, it says that if one but unleashes a hearty blast of wind, the draug will leap back into its half boat at double speed and leave them in peace.
One can only imagine the windy atmosphere of the modern fishing trawler. While in days of old, a single fisherman out upon the sea might not have been able to work up a goodly blast to save himself from a watery grave at the hands of a draug, a boatload of fishermen will surely have several among their number who are up to the task. Thus, the draug is a frustrated entity. And they have taken to docking their little half-boats on the Scandinavian coast and coming ashore to find victims.
One draug evidently made its way to a Swedish television studio. Its evil intent was focused upon the newscaster. But this woman's quick thinking and even quicker acting digestive system became the stuff of legend when, on camera while delivering the news, she cut loose with a hearty blast sure to make anyone of Viking stock proud as punch, or, more likely, Grog. If one but clicks this link that I have so generously provided for you and checks out Web Junk Episode 6, you will see the honorable mention that this great lady has earned for her quick--um--thinking!
I am speculating that no Draugs have been foolhardy enough to invade the locker room of the Swedish men's Olympic hockey team. Or any other hockey team for that matter.
So if confronted by a Draug, remember--this is one time that it's ok to think with your butt!
Hard boiled eggs and sauerkraut, anyone?
See? The supernatural doesn't have to be dull. In fact, it can be downright entertaining!
Your friend in Esoteric Tomfoolery,


weirsdo said...

That was fun. I bet Bode Miller could blow a draug away.

cheesemeister said...

I truly agree. And people in Texas are completely immune to them due to the amount of chili consumed!