Tuesday, February 07, 2006


Why is it that the only spirits who like to pay a visit to ol' Lily Tears are sad, morose ones looking for help they couldn't get in life??
Like attracts like.
I do have mental illness (bipolar disorder.) Which is not the same thing as being insane. My basic perceptions of the world fall within the realms of sanity, and I am Mostly Harmless. Whereas, some people who present as very stable actually have no problem hurting another person if they perceive that person as being in their way. These people are called sociopaths, and they are probably the people on the planet that I resonate with the least.
On the day that John Wayne Gacy died, I had a horrific dream wherein I was having sex with a child! I woke up and felt sick to my stomach and reached for the nearest Holy tome, which happened to be a bible, found a psalm, and prayed it until I calmed down. I knew this thought wasn't from me. I am an open conduit to the spirit world and fuckin' John Wayne Gacy had contacted me! Believe me, these fuckers may touch my mind sometimes, but they never get to hang around!
The ones who hang around are haunted and pained. They don't actually want to hurt anyone, but sometimes they've hurt themselves. Maybe they sense my own suicidal tendencies and thus find a kindred spirit. I sense friendly thoughts from them. I don't "hear" their voices, I just receive general impressions.
"I like you."
"Thank you for being kind to me."
"Thank you for being my friend."
"Thank you for letting me hang around with you."
"Can I drive the car?" (Using my body. My great-aunt, believe it or not!)
"I love you."
"Can I sleep next to you? I promise I won't disturb you. I just like feeling your heart."
"I wish I was still alive. I would be your friend/boyfriend."
Guys, I love you.
But sometimes it really hurts.
I don't want to lose any of you or have you go away forever. It's not like that. But I'm really hurting right now. (Incarnate people can read the Psychosphere blog for more.)
Spirits don't know how to give back sometimes. They find someone who's open and it feels good to them.
For those male spirits who think they're in love with me:
Maybe you are. And maybe it would have been nice. And maybe in some future life it will be nice. I don't trust romantic love too much. And just like an incarnate man, how would I know you weren't getting around?
Besides, I'm not exactly Christie Brinkley! I'm too heavy, have a piggy nose, and horsey teeth. You only think you love me because I've been nice to you. Don't hurt me by confusing gratitude with love.
Some of you were really sick and messed up in life. Most of you are better now in a lot of ways but you are still very needy. You behave as vampires sometimes. This isn't to say I want you to go away. I just need you to give back a little bit. I have felt quite suicidal for the past couple of days now. I really don't want to join you just yet. Please, don't take from me when I'm like this.
I present this information in spite of the fact that it makes me look less than sane because I know there are others out there who experience this. At least I can let them know they are not alone.
Love and Best Wishes,
(Lily Tears)