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Friday, January 11, 2008

No Win Situation

It bothers me to realize how much I'd like for people to accept me. But I need to accept the fact that this will never happen.

Sometimes I can't really think of anything to say on this particular blog and I feel that sharing ancient wisdom is positive. I take mine where I can get it. I am a tremendously flawed being. I need to find strength. What inspires me may not inspire others. That's cool, but the problem is, my jigsaw belief system leads to attacks from all sides.
I have always been by the Christian lot that I'm going to hell for my acceptance of various beliefs. I get told by the left hand path lot that I'm too good. Wiccans don't like me because I also accept philosophies from non-pagan traditions. Atheists think I'm stupid for believing in the existence of various deities, spirit beings and the continuation of the personality after the death of the body.
I was raised Catholic and when I started finding wisdom in non-Christian beliefs, I was terrified even though logic dictated that the whole fire and brimstone thing was propaganda to keep people locked into the church. I was able to finally resolve my terror of going to hell for my non-Christian beliefs by studying the Holy Qabalah, which taught me that all religions have a place. The problem is that too many people see these paths, which are guidelines to spiritual development, as "the only way." And this causes hatred and intolerance between people. And for someone like me ends up feeling like everyone would like to lynch me because I don't adhere to any single belief system but rather take the gnostic approach of finding where wisdom where it may be, even in what may seem to be stange places.
I'm never going to be able to please all the people all the time so I either have to hide in the shadows or accept that I'm a pariah. Maybe one day I'll be driven back into the night again. I really don't like being hated. But I should be used to it by now. Perhaps there's a reason I must endure it. It would be easier to hide. But I feel like I was supposed to do something with this life. Maybe someday I'll know the reason behind it all. Right now I'm too damn tired to care.

4 comments:

Tom & Icy said...

Sounds like you're just trying to cover all the bets in hopes that one will be a winner. Sounds good to me. Believe in everything and one of them is bound to be right.

yellowdog granny said...

I was like you..a catholic and then there were so many flaws in the religion and then it was all religions and so I said fuckit ..I'll start my own..just me and the Goddess..she belives in me..I believe in her..things are copesetic..ha...
one of the smart things that my daddy told me was 'you can't please everyone...but if you please your self and are happy then it won't matter'...and you know what..he was right.

mago said...

If someone is offended, she or he simply has to keep away. I like to come here, it's peaceful.

Rising Rainbow said...

To me, it doesn't matter what you say you believe or don't believe, what matters is what you do. Living you life being kind and caring for others is important. Can you give yourself credit for that? And maybe see the reason you don't feel accepted is because you haven't accepted yourself? The rest of us here, we accept you just fine.