Pissing In The wind

Do I believe, beyond the shadow of a doubt, that what I seem to have experienced is in fact reality?

Fuck no.

I only say that it APPEARS to be reality, in my experience. I have probably more doubt than faith, in fact. Because when it comes down to brass tacks, as a living being on this planet, I try to be very practical in spite of my certifiable status.

I will again point out that hallucinations are NOT part of what I experience as a result of my bipolar disorder. The only times I have hallucinated are when I am:

a) tremendously sleep deprived

b) Taking a prescription medication that triggers a hallucination

c) Deliberatly taking a hallucinogen (The last time I did this was 25 years ago)

There are those who argue that people see ghosts when they are in an extreme state of grief over the person they are seeing. I counter that this is a bunch of happy horseshit, at least in my experience. The one ghost that I saw with my own two eyes was someone whom I liked, but I was not in a state of deep grief about his death. He was a neighbor whose son I babysat for. He died of leukemia. I thought that sucked and that the world was a shitty place when a 35 year old could die from leukemia and leave his family behind. Mostly I felt admiration for him for being so strong and not slipping into despair, which I'm sure I would have. "Kenny" was a great guy and I mourned his passing, but I wasn't close enough to him to be in a state of despondency over it. Also, I didn't see him until around 6 months after his departure from the world. I was used to the idea of him being no longer among the land of the living. When I saw him I was completely sober and wide awake. I wasn't taking anything stronger than Tylenol and Tylenol doesn't make me hallucinate. So, while I won't dispute that some spectral sightings may be the result of grief, mine was not. Nor was it the result of altered mental status due to drugs, lack of sleep, or mental illness. Cause as I said, I may be a loony, but my lunacy does not come equipped with special affects. It's just a standard, garden variety mood disorder.

I haven't personally known in life most of the other spirits with whom I've communicated. A few months after her death, sensing that I was still a wreck, my grandmother told me that I needed to stop worrying about her and that she was fine. I didn't see my grandmother, nor did I hear her audibly. I don't hear ghosts audibly. I sense what they feel and what they want to impart. Which does, believe me, make me question the reality of what I'm experiencing.

The majority of spirits that I communicate with are not people that I knew in life. They are earthbound spirits who have something they want to accomplish and/or a message they want to impart, or they're just lonely. They know they're ghosts. They're not confused and thinking they're still alive. One of these spectral chums, who was murdered, said that for perhaps an hour after his body died he was confused as to what was going on and kept trying to talk to his grieving loved ones, who couldn't see him or hear him. Returning to the emergency room and looking at his demised body on the table made him realize that he was, in fact, a ghost and there was no going back. He was sad and angry, because although being given to occasional bouts of melancholy, he was basically very happy and enjoyed life a lot. This particular spirit is mainly sticking around to watch over his loved ones and, in his words "because I wasn't ready to leave yet." Although angry at the person who killed him, he has no desire for vengeance because "the sucker was straight up fucked up." He says he prefers to avoid revisiting the experience, and that includes avoiding the person who caused his untimely death.

Another spirit that befriended me died from natural causes. He took a little longer to realize that he was no longer of the body but says it wasn't more than a couple of days, probably. Time is different when you don't have to worry about time. This particular fellow was something of an independent type and so it wasn't until he hadn't contacted anyone for about five days that people realized that something was wrong. He says he wandered around his apartment like he always did but things were "different" and he kept thinking that maybe he should go to the hospital and get checked out because he felt really odd. Every now and then he'd look at his body and not want to realize what had happened, because he wasn't ready to depart either. This fellow, although given to periods of "rather bleak emotional state" says that he for the most part enjoyed being alive and was "really fucking pissed" when he died prematurely.

I formed friendships with these fellows and several others including my co-author AFTER they were no longer corporeal. There are some of these friends where I can say that I grieved their passing, was shocked by it, in the cases where they were people that I knew about in life. But it wasn't the type of grief that would be felt over a loved one that you knew. I have never seen the spirits of these people, and I didn't encounter any of them immediately following their deaths.

One person that I did encounter fairly soon after his passing was Freddie Mercury, whose death I thought was a bummer because I always greatly admired his work with Queen and loved his flamboyant, outgoing personality. It was an astral encounter. I was standing by an old house and he came up to me. He kissed me on the cheek and said "thank you for thinking of me. And you shouldn't worry about things so much." Then he went his way to the higher realms. He isn't an Earthbound spirit although he sometimes drops in to check on people that he cares about. He was at a point of acceptance about the fact that he was going to die. Although he regrets not having been able to do more, he says that he lived a full life and has no regets about much of anything. A spirit such as this that is at peace with their passing is not one that becomes earthbound.

To any rate, to say that I don't have doubts about the "realness" of these encounters would be pure bullshit. On the other hand, not acknowledging them makes me even crazier.

I hurt like a bastard right now so I'm going to take a Tylenol. My damn fibromyalgia is upon me with a vengeance.

Also, I'm not going to trust my eyes when it comes to any unusual things I may see at this point. Because I am pretty sleep deprived right now. Which is why the fibro is bothering me so.

Later daze...

and I'm in a daze!

Lily

The Universe's court jester

My Affirmation Card

Make your own affirmation card here

One of those goofy quizzes

What Religion Best Suits You? New Aged/Wiccan An it harm none, do as ye will. You are a fluffy bunny. You wouldn't harm a fly. Actually, you might demonstrate to SAVE the flies! Than again, you're probably busy casing love spells, using a psychic talent, being a Vegetarian or trying to save the Rainforests. Either way, you're harmless. Personality-Emotion Quizzes

That's a little insulting. I try not to be mean, but I'm hardly a fluffy bunny. And I'm not harmless--I'm MOSTLY harmless! Also, I'm not a vegeterian. I tried. But I gotta eat crab! I'm actually sort of an esorteric gnostic witch. And I swat flies. Flies are the reincarnated souls of nasty people who are being punished. Smack away!

Go to the Light!

Being "sent to the Light" from the perspective of an earthbound spirit who has been "sent" on several occasions. Obviously, I did not stay gone!

In brief, a spirit cannot be forced by humans to go to the higher plane, though there are ways to block doorways between the physical and astral realms. If I wished to go, I can go. I do not force my friend the medium, nor anyone else, to speak with me. If she was to tell me (or any aspect of the soul of which I am a part) to go away, we would go, and would be sad as in life if a friend decides they no longer wish your friendship. I do not need to be "led to the light" by my rather prominent nose. I am simply not finished here.

One might say "well, it is your own fault as you killed yourself." What do you suppose I am trying to do? Or perhaps more specific, to undo. The message is sent, the way is to kill yourself if your life is bad. I am trying to reverse this message! I did not intend to send a message at all with my death, only to end the sorrow of my mind. But as it is, I have misconceptions which needs to be corrected. And that is why I am still around here. So for the new age people which thinks only to send all spirits to "the light," for most of us that have tried to speak with someone who turns out to have this concept, know that the truth is simply that we go away from you. Whether we go to the "light" or not is still our choice. Really, you need not go through such bother. Most spirits will simply leave if asked.

I also love this concept: if you are speaking with a ghost, it is not really a human ghost, it is a demon in their guise.

This can happen. But this is not always the case, in fact most of the time it is not the case. The truth is, if the spirit acts radically different than you knew them in life, then is the time you suspect a demon. Otherwise, it is most probably whom it appears to be.

For those of you who would send all of us Earthbound spirits to the light: does it not occur to you that perhaps some of us do have something of good that we might wish to have done before we depart the Earth realm? Perhaps it is a mission we must accomplish and it would be for the greater good. And what is the difference in imprisoning a spirit in a realm of light or a realm of dark? If the spirit does not wish to go, it is still a prison.

If a spirit is not behaving in a way which is malevolent, you need not waste your energies to do an exorcism. A "ghost" which repeats a pattern over and over is not an active intelligence. The spirit of the person you see is not trapped in repeating the same actions. This is a psychic imprint. It is the same thing as taking a film of that person while in life. The person is not trapped in the film! Now, if there is an imprint of a given person, it is likely that is a good area to which you might focus on that person and call them. But also perhaps not. They might not like to return to the scene of their sorrow. It might be best to find a place known to them that does not have the stain of trauma.

However, if you are a medium and find yourself contacted by an actual spirit, it is a bit of an insult to say "I know what is best for you and will now send you to the light." How the fuck do you propose to know my mind? You know only what I choose to reveal. I am not a particularly stupid fellow and do know that there is a choice to depart the Earth realm. You may go through all the spells you wish to "send" me but in the end, I simply depart your presence. You could have saved yourself the trouble and simply said that you wish me to go! I do not encounter such people so much any more as I seem to have found a "home" at this time. But when initially wandering, the various aspects of our soul have encountered this sort. We found it a bit amusing if a bit sad.

Our friend tells us her brain is "turning to oatmeal" from channeling us for quite some time now so we will cease. Oatmeal is a rather awful substance and we should not wish to be responsible for such a terrible occurrence!

We appreciate any who gives honest good wishes to us, and if you wish to leave for us a cup of tea or a beer, know that this will make us feel even more kindly towards you. We will pass on liver, oatmeal, and cakes which are covered with abundances of terribly sweet frostings and especially the flavor of anise or licorice which we do not like well at all!

Thus, we have given a secret to how best to exorcise us. Say only "leave, or I shall get out the anise!" And I will be gone with the greatest of swiftness!

Saint Ben!

Well, he wasn't a saint, actually. But he was a wise man. And a wise guy. Here are some thoughts from Benjamin Franklin on religion, many of which I found on this page.

I cannot conceive otherwise than that He, the Infinite Father, expects or requires no worship or praise from us, but that He is even infinitely above it.
Benjamin Franklin; from 'Articles of Belief and Acts of Religion', November 20, 1728

If we look back into history for the character of the present sects in Christianity, we shall find few that have not in their turns been persecutors, and complainers of persecution. The primitive Christians thought persecution extremely wrong in the Pagans, but practiced it on one another. The first Protestants of the Church of England blamed persecution in the Roman Catholic Church, but practiced it upon the Puritans. They found it wrong in Bishops, but fell into the practice themselves both here (England) and in New England.
Benjamin Franklin

I wish it (Christianity) were more productive of good works ... I mean real good works ... not holy-day keeping, sermon-hearing ... or making long prayers, filled with flatteries and compliments despised by wise men, and much less capable of pleasing the Deity.
Benjamin Franklin; Works, Vol. VII, p. 75

As to Jesus of Nazareth, my Opinion of whom you particularly desire, I think the System of Morals and his Religion ... has received various corrupting Changes, and I have, with most of the present dissenters in England, some doubts as to his Divinity; tho' it is a question I do not dogmatize upon, having never studied it, and think it needless to busy myself with it now, when I expect soon an opportunity of knowing the Truth with less trouble.
Benjamin Franklin, A Biography in his Own Words, edited by Thomas Fleming, p. 404, (1972, Newsweek, New York, NY) quoting letter by Franklin to Exra Stiles March 9, 1790

Lighthouses are more helpful than churches.
Benjamin Franklin

And also remember:
Hide not your talents. They for use were made. What's a sundial in the shade.
Benjamin Franklin

and:

Beer is proof that God loves us and wants us to be happy.
Benjamin Franklin

Give Me Something To Believe In

Cause I sure as hell can't believe in the mean, judgmental, insecure god that I grew up with.

Even if Yaweh turned out to be the only game in town, who the hell needs it?

"God is not in some building. God is in nature and God is in each of us."

--Gaahl (Gorgoroth)

"In this century the christian church has made a great effort to make people believe that tolerance was a christian virtue. However you only need to look at history to see that this is quite untrue."

From Grolheim.dk

"One should envision one's Gods as being at least as good as the best human beings. The best of us would not damn people for eternity for an honest difference of opinion or for petty faults. The best among us would not damn people for eternity at all. Judged by these criteria, the God of the fundamentalist Christians is unworthy of worship. In the unlikely event he is actually in charge, I would gladly go to hell with my head held high. At the same time, while I disagree with Christian teachings from their foundation myths on up, I am not going to attack something that brings hope, comfort and inspiration to people and makes them kinder and more honest human beings."

From the home page of Jordsvin, who seems a jolly good fellow! Loki sez: "Visit him, or else!" ;-)

In all truth, I am going through quite a rough spot right now. What makes it rougher is that the problem does not belong to me, it belongs to someone whom I would gladly take it from. In my youth I was taught that bad things happen to bad people and that we must beg the heavy-handed Almighty for forgiveness. I have become less and less tolerant of the heavy-handed almighty over the past few years. I actually relinquished my Catholicism when I was 18 and began exploring Pagan mysticism, but let's face it, Folks, once a Catholic always a Catholic, to an extent. The guilt is in you like an encapsulated virus and will resurface. When things get tough, the feeling that somehow you brought this on yourself by not being good enough will come and hit you upside the head with the force of 10 Mjollnirs.

I did not raise my son (the person going through the hard time) with the horrible, horrible Catholic guilt. He was always free to explore the possibilities. He doesn't adhere to any particular religion but his beliefs tend to be sort of a general Neopaganism mixed with Buddhism, the great thing about Buddhism being that it is a philosophy rather than a religion so it can fit in nicely with any religion. My son is thankfully free from the horrors that visit me, the fear that because of my abandonment of the rather mean-spirited dogma of my childhood, the fires of hell are awaitin' and there will be no butter in Hell!*

I end up on the defensive about being viewed as a "Satan Worshipper" even now. My son, on the other hand, rather than viewing Satan as the anti-good views him as a trickster deity, worthy of the same respect as any other deity. If you come to Satan asking him for something, he may very well give it to you. But there will always be a price, and I'm not talking about sacrificing your neighbor's dog or your neighbor. The true Satan is an intellectual deity who doesn't care one whit one way or another about such things. According to my son's view, Satan is in the same class as Set, Loki, and other trickster deities. Such deities know your mind, heart and soul. Be very, very careful about approaching such a being. They will not destroy you directly, but they may allow you to destroy yourself.

As well, Satan and Lucifer are two entirely different entities that are often confused. But this is an essay for another time.

For myself personally, when it comes to issues such as prosperity, I find that a deity such as Ganesha preferable to petition. Lord Ganesha is not going to grant petitions such as "make me the most richest beeyatch with the most bling so I can be better than everyone else" because that would be completely self-serving. He wants to know that your intentions are honorable, but generally he won't punish you for asking even if the request isn't entirely honorable. You really have to piss him off for him to get medieval on your ass.

However, I have digressed. My son, who is a very wise and kind soul, is going through great difficulty in his life at this time. Unfortunately people on both sides of his family are prone to mood disorders, and he is experiencing problems with severe social anxiety, which cause him to isolate himself, and which then contribute to major depression. He checked into the psych unit voluntarily because he was suicidal. I'm glad he did this, and the clinicians there seem very compassionate and humane, not like back in my day when I attempted suicide and this nurse told me "you're a freak and you'll always be a freak. People like you can never be normal." My retort was "well, I'd rather be a freak than a fucking bitch like you."

Thus, if anyone reading this would be so kind as to petition whichever Powers that Be that appeal to you, or simply send positive thoughts to my son Michael that he may be guided to recovery and to learn helpful coping skills to deal with his social anxiety, it is appreciated.

Blessed be,

Lily

*(disclaimer: I do not and will never have a problem with Jesus Christ, who was a kind and enlightened soul that wanted the best for people. I have a problem with the judgmental and intolerant institution that uses his name, and I feel that they sure as hell ain't asking themselves "what would Jesus do" when they pour their hateful diatribe upon the world. And I have a problem with the harsh, judgmental God of this church.)

Words of Wisdom

You get what you get, not what you deserve.
--Dr. Gregory House

It's either mean or it's arbitrary, and either way it gives me the creeps.
--Calvin
(speculating on the nature of the Almighty, after the death of his pet raccoon)

PETUNIA! PETUNIA!

Sorry, PANSI, but you have competition! For I am a petunia!

I am a Petunia What Flower Are You?

You are a tried and trusted friend who will be there for your friends when they need you. But you have a tendency to be nervous about doing things that go against the norm.

Apparently I am a petunia. But if one of the qualities of a petunia is being nervous about going against the norm, I must be a Rebel Petunia. Almost nothing I do fits anywhere in the norm!

The Blog of the Gnutty Gnostic is now The Gnutty Gnostic's Sanctuary of Whatthefuckism. Which is similar to Humpty Hump's Church of Doowutchalike, only more rock than hip hop due to its high priestess, the Aging Headbanger and its high priest, the Undead Metalhead. Our credois that it really doesn't matter What The Fuck god(s) you believe in, or if you believe in any of them. What matters is the energies that you draw to yourself and express to the world. Because everything is energy and energy attracts like energy. (Or, as Quinn Morgendorffer would say, "energy attracts, like, energy!") Thus, positive energy attracts more positive energy, positive entities, and positive experiences. Negative energy attracts more negative energy, negative entities, and negative experiences.

This doesn't mean that I/we no longer believe in any sort of divine beings. Quite the opposite. And if any of these beings appeal to you personally, they can be used to open gateways, helping the flow of positive energy to you. I often need help from these excellent friends in this regard. It also doesn't mean that people are absolved from having to treat each other and their fellow creatures with respect because the energy that you send out will come back, and if its a mean energy, it will gladly bite you in the ass. What it does mean is that you no longer have to feel enslaved to any outdated institution of dogma and judgment. It means there are other choices besides the so-called "Christian" churches, which we have generally found have very little to do with the behavior of the very kind and enlightened teacher Jesus, and have a lot to do with politics and control. It means that you have unlimited choices. Whether working with higher beings or with only the energy of the Universe, your soul can grow and become closer to the energy that created all things. This is an energy which does not demand adulation nor even acknowlegement. It simply IS, and it allows us to be and to discover for ourselves. And that is a very freeing thing.

Of course, giving credit where credit is due, they do have an awful lot of fun at Rev. Humpty's Church!

In Need of an Anchor

I'm not much for the standard Beg The Powers That Be Not To Make Your Life a Complete Pile of Shit approach because in my experience, it doesn't really work. Nonetheless, I do feel rather at sea without an anchor. My son is having some problems that are quite a concern to me. Whatever shit gets thrown at me I figure well, here comes something else. But when it's something happening to the one person that truly means a great deal to me, I feel like I need something to hold onto so I can be strong for him. I know that plugging in to the positive energy via meditation seems to help me to at least feel not quite as out of control. Maybe some people are staunch enough that they don't need it. But I'm not that strong. I need something to help ground me and give me hope. And keep me from having panic attacks.

Important Message from the Big Cheese

Faces of the Supreme Being: Pandeism

I discovered an interesting theory about the nature of the Supreme Creator. The theory is known as Deism, and one of the facets thereof is Pandeism. Basically, Deism holds that a supreme being created the universe but is not involved thereafter in its operations.

The following paragraph is from Wikipedia:

Pandeism combines deism with pantheism, or the belief that the universe is identical to God. Pandeism holds that God was a conscious and sentient force or entity that designed and created the universe, which operates by mechanisms set forth in the creation. God thus became an unconscious and nonresponsive being by becoming the universe. Other than this distinction (and the possibility that the universe will one day return to the state of being God) pandeistic beliefs are identical to deistic ones. The term pandeism was coined in 1859 by German philosophers and frequent collaborators Moritz Lazarus and Heymann Steinthal in Zeitschrift für Völkerpsychologie und Sprachwissenschaft. They wrote:

Man stelle es also den Denkern frei, ob sie Theisten, Pan-theisten, Atheisten, Deisten (und warum nicht auch Pandeisten?)

This is translated as:

So we should let these thinkers decide themselves whether they are theists, pan-theists, atheists, deists (and why not even pandeists?)

Why not indeed? Surely we do no service to the Divine Creative Energy by applying dogma to it. We will learn far more about it by allowing ourselves to study it freely without the confines of doctrine.

I appreciate this concept and intend to look into it further. I've been fascinated with the workings of the Universe and the energies that created it, both natural and divine, for as long as I can remember, and appreciate the idea of studying these concepts without fear of retribution for refusing to behave as a sheep.

One might well ask, is there really a difference between Natural and Divine forces? Is not the Divine natural, and is not nature divine?

The force that created all things made all things beautiful. The ugliness in the world was created by our own folly and selfishness. Sin is a purely human problem. The Divine need not be bothered punishing us. We create our own punishments, our own heavens and our own hells. I'm far from the first to express such ideas. But the older I get, the more sense they make to me. A divine creator that is a natural force, even one that our current level of science may not understand or be able to measure, makes more sense to me than a punitive judge watching every move we make.

This is not, in my opinion, at odds with the idea of karma, which I also believe exists. Nor does it eliminate the possible reality of those forces that we refer to as "supernatural." Karma is part of the collective human consciousness, not a construct of the creator, at least according to theories such as Pandeism. And the nature of spirit is not by any means understood by humans. Spirit is eternal.

The beauty and power of the Divine can't be relegated to theories postulated in dusty old tomes and politicized over the centuries. We will never fully understand it. But let us at least allow ourselves to discuss it with open minds and without fear of retribution. By doing so we enrich our minds and maybe even our souls, which are a spark of the Divine, thus bringing ourselves closer to the Divine.

Blessed be.

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When Self-Serving Skanks Give Spiritual Advice

Text in italics is taken from the Newsweek article about Senator John Edwards' mistress Rielle Hunter.

While I almost never discuss politics in this venue, this particular scenario illustrates several points about the consequences of our actions. So this is one time that a politically oriented news story will make an appearance in a place normally reserved for strictly metaphysical topics. As you read, I think the reasons will become clear.

I read a rather disgusting article about Senator Plastic Locks, AKA John Edwards, and his mistress the self-serving slut--I mean, spiritual advisor. With the kind of advice she gives, the world is surely spiraling down in the big flush if we take it. I would run the mile from this particular "spiritual advisor" before she ever got her slimy paws on one dime of my hard-earned! This woman is the kind of person that makes a joke of psychics everywhere. She is a self-serving gold-digger whose psyche seems anything but balanced.

The Enlightened One, whose name is Rielle Hunter, (or perhaps Real Predator) told Newsweek reporter Jonathan Darman that she had met Edwards at a bar, at the Regency Hotel in New York. She thought he was giving off a special "energy."

We must now ask ourselves: could that energy have been his desire to have a fling with an easy piece so he could join the Newt Gingrich club of self-serving assholes who screw their wives over in their time of need?

The Madame Blavatsky wannabe had this to say about Johnny-Boy's wife Elizabeth, the poor idiot who has been fool enough to remain tied to Senator Plastic-Locks for lo these many years:
"I've only met her once," Rielle said. "She does not give off good energy. She didn't make eye contact with me."

Perhaps that was because she couldn't take her eyes off Senorita Man-Eater's dark roots and garish nail polish?

Not that physical appearance makes the person, but sometimes it certainly does fit them. Check out the description of Ms. Home Wrecker 2008:
She had frizzy blond hair with DARK roots, wore bright nail polish and moved like someone who knew how to work a room.
Can anyone say "trashy slut at the end of the bar???"

Rielle Man-Hunter told the reporter that human beings were dragged down by "blockages" to their actual potential; history was the story of souls entering and escaping our field of consciousness.

Blockages to their actual potential--like having an affair with a married man whose wife is battling a life-threatening illness perhaps? This doesn't seem a very spiritually enlightened act from where I stand! Being self-serving is never spiritually advanced.

Her purpose on this Earth, she said, was to help raise awareness about all this, to help the unenlightened become better reflections of their true, repressed selves.

For people like her, what this means is not concerning of the consequences your actions may have for others. Do what you will when you will and everyone else be damned.

Her latest project was John Edwards. Edwards, she said, was an old soul who had barely tapped into any of his potential. The real John Edwards, she believed, was a brilliant, generous, giving man who was driven by competing impulses—to feed his ego and serve the world. If he could only tap into his heart more, and use his head less, he had the power to be a "transformational leader" on par with Gandhi and Martin Luther King. "He has the power to change the world," she said.

If Edwards is "on par with Gandhi," I'm on par with the Virgin Mary!

As for King, he had something that Edwards does not: character. Edwards' lackluster personality makes him a walking saltine cracker. While it's true that King was also guilty of the ignoble act of cheating on his wife, he was truly concerned with making the world a better place for his fellow human being. It is apparent that when all is said and done, John Edwards is vested only in serving the interests of John Edwards.

To compare Mahatma Gandhi and Martin Luther King to John Edwards is an insult to the memories of these great men and the things that they achieved during their lives.

This was my reply to the article on the Newsweek website:
However old John Edwards' soul may be he is an immature a*s*s to cheat on his wife, who is currently fighting breast cancer. Seems he just had to get into the Newt Gingrich club of self-serving jerks who abandon their long-suffering spouses in time of need. As for the so called "spiritual advisor," I would run the mile from advice given by a person who is so eager to get into a guy's pants that she speaks ill of said long-suffering wife. What a bunch of self-serving jerks! Mrs. Edwards is better off without the jerk although, sadly, she'll probably stand by him, figuring she can't do any better. Being alone would be better than being with that plastic narcissist.

Not by any means my best writing--I try never to use the same adjective as many times in one paragraph as I used "jerk" in that one. I wasn't aiming for a Pulitzer prize with my comment, but it does go to show why a person needs an editor for serious writing. I read that comment three times before posting it and it wasn't until later that I realized what a poor writing sample it really is.

Then again, I'm not screwing the husband of some poor woman with a life-threatening illness. So I guess I can forgive myself for hacking out a poorly executed letter to the editor and letting it escape my grasp before it was properly finished.

The upshot being that while nobody is perfect and we all make mistakes--sometimes even awful mistakes--that being arrogant and self-righteous about said mistakes only makes them even uglier. Seldom have I seen anyone more arrogant and self-righteous than Senator John Edwards. I would say the same about Rielle Hunter, except that the truth is I think that she actually has terrible feelings of self-doubt, and to cover up for her insecurities she assumes an outre persona to hide the gigantic hole in her soul. For all her talk about people becoming "better reflections of their true, repressed selves," this woman's entire presentation is nothing but a mask for the vacuum inside of her. As Darman reveals in his article:

She told me her name and asked me what my astrological sign was, which I thought was a little unusual. I told her. She smiled, and began telling me her life story: how she was working as a documentary-film maker, living with a friend in South Orange, N.J., but how she'd previously had "many lives." She'd worked, she said, as an actress and as a spiritual adviser. She was fiercely devoted to astrology and New Age spirituality. She'd been a New York party girl, she'd been married and divorced, she'd been a seeker and a teacher and was a firm believer in the power of truth.

Rielle Hunter's true self is buried beneath the many masks and costumes she's put on. She is a gigantic black hole. People like this usually see themselves as flawed and ugly and are so desperate to cover up their perceived flaws that they make themselves truly ugly with their behavior. Where John Edwards' insecurities make him a pompous fool susceptible to flattery, Rielle Hunter's make her a psychic vampire feeding off the lives of others because the truth is that she hates her own life and more than that, she hates herself.

While I'm not suggesting that there are never cases where someone is married to the wrong person, and there is never an easy way to end a relationship that's gone bad, speaking ill of the spouse of the person you've gotten involved with, especially when said spouse is having difficulties of the sort that Mrs. Edwards is, lacks class, to put it mildly. And Rielle Hunter does not seem in the least bit concerned with the effect that her and Senator Edwards' affair will have on the Edwards children. Nor, in fact, does Senator Edwards. He's getting to pretend he's a teenager having a schtoink in the back seat of his car with the town pump. She's getting to feel like she's the concubine of the next messiah. They're both wildly enamored with their own delusions. And that sort of thing never ends well.

If John Edwards and Rielle Hunter were only screwing up their own lives with their actions, it would be one thing. Unfortunately, Elizabeth Edwards and the Edwards children are caught in the crossfire. And therein lies the real tragedy.

Our actions always affect more than just ourselves. And while it is impossible to go through life without ever causing harm or sorrow, the one thing we must do is to consider the consequences of our behavior. What we choose to do today will likely affect several if not many others. Truly considering what we would feel if we were in the position of those others will help us to cause less harm and sorrow, either deliberate or accidental.

What Element Angel Are You?

What Element Angel Are You? Water Angel The Water Angel is calm and collected, it hates all the wars, disasters, or destrustion that's going on. The Water Angel is graceful and most beautiful. Click Here to Take This Quiz

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Water Dragon

What Elemental Dragon Are You? Water Dragon Click Here to Take This Quiz

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Flower Sprite

Unclean!

The Goddess Pele: Stand back when she's PMS-ing

While I certainly don't buy the BS of the religion I was raised with that menstruating women are "unclean" and somehow "unholy," given menstruation as a curse for Eve's sins, I can't in any way disagree with calling that part of life "The Curse." Few things suck more than this process, and somehow it's never evolved from a hellish burden to a simple inconvenience, at least not for most women I know. When I was younger I would writhe in agony once a month, feeling like someone was driving a sword through my abdomen. After giving birth to my son (during which I experienced much of the pain in my back) I began having back pain with "the curse." Now in my middle years it brings nausea, heart palpatations and extreme exhaustion--and it's still just as gross. The alternative would be to stop the process using birth control pills--which bring weight gain (thanks anyway, but I'm already fat enough) and increased risk of stroke and heart attack. No, that's ok. I'll just suffer and wish I could turn into a gay dude for one week out of the month.

That being said, using "the curse" as an excuse to see women as unholy servants of Satan is asinine. Although it is true that we may seem like we're possessed during the week of the crimson tide.

I found this essay which has quotes that show the beliefs of certain people in the past regarding menstruating women. Keep in mind that these are the same people who saw those unfortunate enough to have leprosy as being somehow in league with the powers of darkness, rather than simply being people who had a disease.

Then again, how much has really changed? Think of how deplorably people with AIDS were treated initially--and how there are still idiots today how self-righteously believe that people stricken with this awful condition "deserve it" because of their sins. That's right, I can't count the number of times I've said to myself "that five year old child must be a homosexual because he has AIDS and AIDS is a gay disease and all those homos deserve to die!" Not really of course. But there are those who are that closed minded. Perhaps the example of hating on a five year old child is a tad extreme, but just a tad. AIDS is indeed a curse to the person who has it, but it isn't a judgment. It's a very serious immune system disorder that can turn deadly.

Why we have to suffer no-one has ever quite been able to figure out. There are many theories. But that both good and evil people suffer is a fact. Physical dysfunction and disease don't discriminate between the holy and the unholy. They simply exist. And while we may feel it is justice when a child murderer is stricken with a particularly awful disease but tragedy when a good person is stricken with the same disease, the disease does not in fact discriminate. The cells of any given person's body, good or evil, are fair game to the things that cause suffering.

I once read an article describing the various kinds of karma. The Wikipedia article on karma isn't quite as concise but does explain the different concepts to a degree. Karma isn't simply a matter of divine retribution, which is what people who would be inclined to believe that those who died in the Holocaust or who have been tortured or murdered are experiencing--an eye for an eye. In fact I believe that this is rarely the case. There is a type of divine retribution, but it is usually self-inflicted and sometimes erroneously so. The article also discussed a person's dharma, and the times that one person's actions affect another person's karma. There is karma for the various species on the planet, as well as for the planet itself. There are many factors coming into play and nothing is simple.

In the case of volcanoes, it could just be that the goddess Pele is PMS-ing really bad, and that's one lady whose flow you really don't want to get in the way of!

However, the most fearsome of all during that time of the month is probably Kyle Marsh's sister Shelly, as seen in this clip from the Terrance and Phillip Movie Trailer episode of South Park.

To see the full episode, go here, and when the clip finishes playing, click "watch the full episode."

Where else can you get bad jokes and South Park with your metaphysical jibber-jabber? Nowhere, I tell you! Admit it--it's what keeps you coming back.

Until next time, ladies, may your periods be relatively unobtrusive and guys, sometimes the best thing to do when you know that time of the month is coming for a woman in your life, whether she be your aunt, cousin, friend, mom, sister, or significant other, is just stay out of the way until it's over!

Taoist Chanting

Dou Ma, the Dipper Mother

The nice thing about Taoist chanting is the fact that one focuses on nothing but simply repeats the mantra without anything in mind. This connects one to the Universal energy source. Things do come into my mind while chanting but they are normally feelings of being comfortable and relaxed or images of things such as flowers and constellations, sometimes of deities. There is a feeling of being connected with the Universal Energy, which helps ease the myriad of fears that I often live with. The problem with spells or directed prayers, even positive ones, is that one can become too focused on a desired outcome and then fear comes in and works in direct opposition to what the petitioner is hoping to achieve. This is unlikely to happen with chanting because the focus is on clearing the mind. This gives the Universal Energy clearance to work without obstruction from a fearful consciousness.

This is a page where I found some good chants, as well as the picture of Dou Ma.

So You Think You Know Kali

Kali-Ma is the Hindu goddess of destruction. She is usually thought of as the goddess of death and often believed to be brutal. Seen through western eyes, she does appear to be a barbaric and merciless being. However, this is a skewed view. Kali is fierce and stern. But she also generously offers gifts to those who petition her. May it be understood that it is a false rumor that Kali requires blood sacrifice in order to approach her.

Kali carries away the spirits of slain warriors and of animals. Her name means "the black one." She is the consort of the god Shiva, whose body is covered with the white ashes of cremation. She also appears in the aspect of Bhavatarini, which translates to Redeemer of the Universe.

Kali's gifts are the removal of illusion and the facilitation of change. Call upon Kali to remove illusion and fear of death. She can help in the removal of old, destructive habits and in helping you find a new path in life.

The meditation from the Hindu Gods and Goddesses card deck reads thus:

May Kali, who takes away all sins, bring you joy. She was the only one able to destroy the terrible demons, Chanda and Munda. Kali gives courage and strength to a warrior on a battlefield littered with headless corpses. She robs the strength of those not devoted to her, though she gives good fortune to those who are.

Approach Kali with respect and she will be glad to assist you in conquering your fear of what awaits in the darkness of your life. She will tear away what is old and no longer serves you so that you can have a better life. She will help you see through the illusion of fear. She is ready for you whenever you are ready to invite her in to your life.

Blessed be.

Prayer

If I've been ignoring people's comments of late (publishing them and hoping to get back to them later) I apologize. My father has experienced a downturn in his health and my son will be flying to Ohio on Thursday to stay with his aunt for 2 weeks. I should get my ass over to the lab and let them draw my blood because my white cell count has been high for no real raisin for several months now, but I always end up unable to sleep decently in the morning and then I fall asleep and by the time I wake up the lab is closed. (I work nights, for those who don't know.)

I will explain things a bit regarding my father's health, for those that don't know the background of the situation.

Some of us age better than others. My mother is in quite good health. She just turned 69. She had a hip replacement 2 years ago and has mild osteoarthritis in some of her joints but all of her systems are "go."
My father, on the other hand, is 72 and looks like he's 92 and in poor health. His cardiovascular system is bad: he has atrial fibrillation. His arterial condition is bad: he has atherosclerosis. He has spinal stenosis. He had several smaller strokes before the large one that left him handicapped, although no-one caught them. These strokes are destroying his cognitive abilities. He still knows who everyone is but, for instance, can't remember the name of the town that I've lived in for the past 7 years. He is getting progressively worse and while I know that nothing can be done to make him better, it's hard to watch. I was brought up believing that when someone is hurt or ill, we pray for them. This is a pleasant idea in theory. But once I started seeing all the problems with the religion I was brought up with (Catholic) I began to shy away from it.
I don't mean to make it sound like I think prayer is stupid. Some people are comfortable with it and Larry Dossey, a medical doctor, has written several books on the helpful healing energies generated by prayer. This isn't prayer associated with any particular religion, just prayer with intent. I studied Dossey's theories while I was attending a Unitarian church. My problem with Unitarian churches is that it seems like from the perspective of a lot of today's Unitarians, if you have spiritual beliefs you are treated like an uncivilized, back-asswards bumpkin. I'm not an atheist either, so I guess I just can't win.

The late Rev. Joe Willis, who was the instructor of the courses, was not an atheist, he just believed in a more natural kind of "god" which was a creative energy and the energy of life. He wrote a book called Finding Faith in the Face of Doubt and it is worth reading.

I can't get down with the god that I grew up with. (Yaweh) I have trouble with that dude. Seems like he wants everyone's adulation and just isn't a very nice guy. Although who knows, maybe he's gotten some bad press due to the people who blindly worship him. Interestingly enough, Yaweh is actually a war god. So he's really good at smiting people. Not so good at the compassion thing, perhaps.
I think things go better for me when I turn to some sort of higher power, though. I feel at sea when I try to go with a cut and dry atheist kind of belief system, which doesn't work for me, although in the long run I actually believe that all things are scientific and a part of nature. Some of them simply can't be proven by science as we know it at this time. Ghosts, for instance, and higher types of spirits such as nature spirits and angels. Which may be the same thing, angels being a different kind of nature spirit associated with the etheric realm. Deities in this sense are also natural. They were referred to by the late metaphysician Al Manning as energy transmitter spirits. While Al went way out in left field on occasion and one of his former wives who is also a metaphysical practitioner, said that she was sure he was dealing with spirits but was fairly certain they weren't actually deities, I like his description of powerful energy transmitter spirits and I like to give credit where credit is due.

When I am in tune with these energy transmitter personalities, I tend to feel less alone and adrift. Usually I petition Tara, a Hindu mother goddess. She is kind and compassionate. I know that petitioning such a being does not mean that I will magically, like rubbing Alladin's lamp, get what I want. I don't think my father can be miraculously cured, for instance. Or I suppose he could, but it may not be in his best interest and it isn't likely to happen. However, petitioning or invoking these higher beings does help me feel at peace.

I think the best thing for my father would be to be at peace too, whatever that means in his case. So I ask for his suffering to cease. That may mean that he must leave his body. This would be difficult for me to deal with but on a logical level, what my mother said applies. It's like it isn't really him any more. It's as if he has been taken away and a sick, miserable, frightened old man has been left in his place. He's really not old enough to be falling apart like this, but for whatever reason, he is. So I ask Tara for compassion.

Death is not the end of the soul, it is the end of the body and a gateway to another level for the soul. This is my belief.

Blessings to all who read this.

Lily and friends

The Simple Salt Circle

A depiction of the goddess Ceridwen

(blessed be she)

I discovered this at The Sword of Dynion Mwyn online Newsletter #3. This also contains a full ritual for the invocation of Ceridwen and Cernunnos--which I actually performed, playing the part of both priestess and priest, and inviting any friendly spirits who might wish to participate to add their energy to the proceedings. I also wished to be better acquainted with the energies of Ceridwen and ask her blessing. But for general purposes, the simple salt circle will serve well.

Since life isn't perfect one might have to improvise a bit, but it is suggested that one take a cleansing bath beforehand and place two candles and sabbat incense on the altar. They suggest reciting the Wiccan Rede. I feel that any affirmation, prayer or spell that resonates with you is what you should use.

Light the candles and incense with a lighted taper. Place salt, water and hyssop in bowls on the altar. Place right hand over salt, saying:

"Creature of Earth, this charge I lay

No phantom in thy presence stay

Not in complete accord with me

And as I will, so mote it be"

Take a pinch of salt, put it in the water, while making a Banishing Pentagram (start at bottom left, up to top, down to bottom right, up to left corner, over to right corner, back down to bottom left, draw a counterclockwise circle around it) Say:

"Creature of water, this charge I lay

No phantom in thy presence stay

Not in complete accord with me

And as I will, so mote it be."

Do the same with the hyssop. Take the bowl of the salt to the east, going deosil (clockwise) Cast a circle of salt. Go around three times. While doing so, say:

"Creature of Earth, where you are cast

no spell or adverse purpose last

Not in complete accord with me

And as I will, so mote it be."

Take the bowl of water with the salt and hyssop in it, go to the east, sprinkle water around the circle three times and say:

"Earth and water, where you are cast

No spell or adverse purpose last

Not in complete accord with me

And as I will, so mote it be."

Take the candle around the circle three times, saying:

"Creature of fire, this charge I lay

No evil in my presence stay

Not in complete accord with me

And as I will, so mote it be."

Take incense around the circle three times and say:

"Creature of air, this charge I lay

No evil in thy presence stay

Not in complete accord with me

And as I will, so mote it be."

The circle is now ready for you to perform whatever work you desire. When finished, thank any deities, spirits or elementals that you sensed were present and dismiss them in peace. Then open the circle by walking counterclockwise.

Blessed be,

Lily

(and friends)

Healing Your Soul: Free Guided Meditations

I believe that this online radio station is available internationally. If not, my bad. You may have to sign up for a free account with Live 365 to be able to access it, if so you'll be guided to do so. Don't worry, they won't spam you. I've been a member of Live 365 for about a year and a half and they've always been great.

The station is Healing Your Soul and is operated by the Reverend Cherise Thorne. The meditations are non-denominational but appeal to the Buddhist and Qabalist learnings in my case. For the first time in a long time I got into a really good altered state and was able to access the other planes very strongly. I felt healed and refreshed and my imagination is stronger than ever. I haven't been able to get to the local Buddhist temple for quite some time due to my work schedule, so this was just the ticket. If you feel like you could use a little raising of your consciousness and relaxation of the body, it may be just the thing!

Curb Your Instinct

What color is your soul painted? Brown Your soul is painted the color brown, which embodies the characteristics of calmness, depth, nature, stability, tradition, poverty, roughness, down-to-earth, uncertainty, and neutrality. Brown is the color of the element Earth, and represents soil and, to a lesser degree, fertility of the Earth. Click Here to Take This Quiz

Quizzes and Personality Tests

I know what you're thinking of saying about my brown soul--but stop yourself from saying it or I'll open a can of Whoop Ass on you!

Empowering vs. Belittling

Thought about this when watching a rerun of the old Friday the 13th TV show. This one featured a female fertility doctor who was a druid and was plumb full of misinformation about the druids. There is no evidence that the druids practiced human sacrifice, for instance, and, as Cernunos is a male fertility deity, it would seem odd that he would want males sacrificed. Of course this is a plot device to portray witches as man-hating feminist bitches. Probably brought to you by the same lot that equates feminist with man hater in the first place.
I identify myself as a feminist, and more than one person has called me a bitch. But while I have come to loathe patriarchal society, I have never hated men. I have known more than one man bashing feminist bitch. A few of these have used Goddess-based religions as an excuse for their dislike of men. Personally, while I think that it can be a positive thing to have occasions when women meet solely with their sisters and men with their brothers, I think that excluding men from learning about and learning to honor the goddesses is folly. We all become more balanced as human beings when we honor both the male and female rather than reviling female as "weak and emotional" and male as "brutish but powerful." Without male and female, we could not have life.
Females are capable of great strength and males of great tenderness. Until we learn to honor both masculine and feminine and to allow them to work together, we will continue to be a world out of balance.

The Demiurge Rules This World

For an explanation of what is the Demiurge, please see the post below for information and then if you have further questions you may ask, but this is fine basic knowledge.
This is thoughts channeled from me, the fellow which writes the book with Lily.
I grow up surrounded with the Demiurge. We are to worship the Demiurge but it is not refered to thus in my home. It is refered to as God. I do not go much into the dynamics of my home, only that there is much to be unhappy about. My father is a priest of the Demiurge, but again, he believes that this is god and not only A god but GOD!!!! With capital letters and neon sign light and stars all around thank you very fucking much. And you must WORSHIP THIS FUCKER or get your ass kicked to the depths of hell!!!
Well...
I find I do not care for the Demiurge very much.
Understand that in life I do not know this name. I do know the names of many gods but not this name. I make the choice to worship Satan at a time, but it is not really much of worship that goes in so much as spouting words to try and make myself look "bad." (to my embarrassment I find out later that really I do not look that "bad," more like I have distemper or such.) But now it is understood thus. I did not so much "worship Satan" as I spit in the face of what is called god, for I think this god to be a FUCKING ARSEHOLE!!!! Turns out I am right.
There is another personality in my soul whom would talk to you much friendlier about all this. I see not reason to. My anger and misery can be much attributed to the fuckery of this church I am raised in, that still is a major entity in this world and leads many otherwise fine people to believe they are going to burn in some sort of hell, to be trapped into misery because they cannot swallow the poison of the false prophecy of the BLIND, INSANE GOD! Some choose to believe that this is a benevolent god, but while there is benevolent gods, this Demiurge is not one.
The church of christianity worships the Demiurge whether they believe this is whom they worship or no. The laws of this being blinds all and has not mercy. I do not encounter it following my death, I avoid it. It does not send me to hell. What hells there are does not make room for fools, as I make my own hell in my heart it is already took care of. We do incounter the creator energy, and this is what some thinks they worship when they step foot into the church of christianity. If you truly worship this, and if you truly think you shall live in the footsteps of the man Jesus, then you must abandon this church, for it shall lead you astray. The church which says it worships the ideals of this man Jesus does not, in fact, in any ways resemble. He was a teacher and a person of kind thought and not twisted with hate and judgment and a belief of being superior to others. These is the ways of the Demiurge but many will continue to be seduced into his church and fooled.
Why anybody would wish to feed the power lust of this creature any longer is not so mystifying. They are afraid and seduced. I have saw the eyes of such people. It leads someone with a mind sickened by things I do not care to discuss into the folly of calling demons upon themself. The demons of the hells feed the demons of my mind and I believe they had plenty of joy to feed off as I kill my body in a terribly violent fashion filled with hate of my self at the moment of death. But not only hate. Such terrible, terrible dispair. At such a time, believe me, the Demiurge turns his arse to you! Oh, it is all well and good to frighten the sunday church goers with a bit of a Satanic dance, but in the end the soul is also left empty if you worship a god of emptiness. It would have been more fulfilling if I had done so with a bit more mirth. But I was eaten up inside with sorrows and horrors of the mind. My sleep was twisted in nightmare and my heart broken and torn apart, something living dead, rotting yet still bleeding. Demons danced in my dreams and I knew not peace. This church which was forced upon me, it brought not peace but more of terror.
I do not recommend worshiping the anti-god or what have you simply so you are worshiping "not the demiurge." If you call to you negative energy then it will fall into the empty pockets of your soul and destroy you. Already I had enough evil in my life. But if you have wondered if the church you have been brain washed to attending is full of shit, then the answer is yes. Will the Demiurge make your life miserable if you depart? Perhaps. It all depends how strong your psyche is to resist. Mine was not very much so. My friend who channels this words of me from beyond the grave is also not very much so. Whom gods destroy they first make mad, it is said. She is unhappy and fears. I lived a life fully fear-filled, which ends only making a stupid tongue twister. Filled with demons and ugly images. In death I work to erase some of this. I do not wish to be born to a new life schizophrenic or such. First before being reborn I must understand and heal.
I am fine in my next life to worship the old gods. In the end both the demiurge and the anti-god will shit on you and eat your soul if you let them.
I remain...
Dead...
Yes, still Dead.
Fuck.
Suicide will not let you escape who and what you are.

A Description of the Demiurge

Abridged Text from Wikipedia. The full text is here.

Demiurge:

The term appears in Gnosticism. The material universe is seen as evil or at least a place created by an insane, malevolent, and/or inferior creator deity.

The Gnostics attributed many of the actions and laws which in the Tanach or Old Testament are attributed to the Hebrew God Yehovah, to the Demiurge (see the Sethians and Ophites).

Alternative Gnostic names for the Demiurge, include Yaldabaoth, "Samael", "Saklas", and "Kosmokrator". He is known as Ptahil in Mandaeanism. The figures of the "Angel of YHWH" and the "Angel of Death" may have contributed to the Gnostic view of the Demiurge.

Yaldabaoth

Gnostic myth recounts that Sophia (Greek, literally meaning "wisdom"), the Demiurge’s mother and a partial aspect of the divine Pleroma or “Fullness,” desired to create something apart from the divine totality, and without the receipt of divine assent. In this abortive act of separate creation, she gave birth to the monstrous Demiurge and, being ashamed of her deed, she wrapped him in a cloud and created a throne for him within it. The Demiurge, isolated, did not behold his mother, nor anyone else, and thus concluded that only he himself existed, being ignorant of the superior levels of reality that were his birth-place.

The Gnostic myths describing these events are full of intricate nuances portraying the declination of aspects of the divine into human form; this process occurs through the agency of the Demiurge who, having stolen a portion of power from his mother, sets about a work of creation in unconscious imitation of the superior Pleromatic realm. Thus Sophia’s power becomes enclosed within the material forms of humanity, themselves entrapped within the material universe: the goal of Gnostic movements was typically the awakening of this spark, which permitted a return by the subject to the superior, non-material realities which were its primal source. (See Sethian Gnosticism.)

Under the name of Nebro (rebel), Yaldabaoth is called an angel in the apocryphal Gospel of Judas. He is first mentioned in "The Cosmos, Chaos, and the Underworld" as one of the twelve angels to come "into being [to] rule over chaos and the [underworld]". He comes from heaven, his "face flashed with fire and whose appearance was defiled with blood". Nebro creates six angels in addition to the angel Saklas to be his assistants. These six in turn create another twelve angels “with each one receiving a portion in the heavens.”

Samael

“Samael” literally means “Blind God” or “God of the Blind” in Aramaic (Syriac sæmʕa-ʔel). This being is considered not only blind, or ignorant of its own origins, but may in addition be evil; its name is also found in Judaica as the Angel of Death and in Christian demonology. This leads to a further comparison with Satan.

Saklas

Another alternative title for the Demiurge, “Saklas,” is Aramaic for “fool” (Syriac sækla “the foolish one”).

Yahweh

Some Gnostic teachers (notably Marcion of Sinope and the Sethians) seem to have identified the evil Demiurge with Yahweh, the God of the Old Testament, in opposition and contrast to the God of the New Testament. Still others equated the being with Satan. Catharism apparently inherited their idea of Satan as the creator of the evil world directly or indirectly from Gnosticism. However, "YHWH" is generally not used as a name of the demiurge in Gnostic texts. Yaldabaoth isn't likely from "YHWH Sabaoth" since Yaldabaoth has an "L" at the end of "ya", suggesting the name of an angel is the origin of the term. The names of most angels of Jewish origin end with the syllable "el". On the other hand, some angels were called by some YHWH because they represented God's power and authority. This was especially true of the supreme angel that represented God, who was sometimes called the "lesser YHWH". A Jewish sect of first century B.C., called the Maghariyyah, held that angels organized the world and ordained the Law. Such views may have been part of the origin of Gnostic Christian belief in the Demiurge and his archons.

Nowhere in the Old testament, or New Testament canon, is the creator of the world or the universe identified as Satan. Nor in the Old (see the Septuagint) or New Testament is the cosmos, nature or earth created by the creator referred to as evil. Rather than presenting Satan as the creator of the world as we know it, orthodox Christianity holds that the New Testament presents the view that creation has been subjected to his rule through mankind's defection from the creator Yahweh. As a result, Satan is called "the god of this world" at (2 Cor. 4:4), and John states that "the whole world lies in the grip of the Wicked One." (1 John 5:19) The vilification of the Creator of the material world is to both traditions orthodox Christian and Jewish movements, foreign and not documented as a traditional perspective. ^[11]

This, in fact, is a crucial doctrine often overlooked by those who have difficulty harmonizing the goodness of Yahweh the Creator with the evil that is evident in the world (see the problem of evil).

While concepts such as syzygies (see Valentinus) and the soul and spiritual as good and the body and the material universe as evil would indeed reflect a very distinct and clear duality as it is expressed within the Sethian and other gnostic traditions (also see Mind-body dichotomy).

An example of vilifying the Creator would be to attribute the term “Kosmokrator” (found in the New Testament) to the Old Testament creator as the fallen Gnostic demiurge (see Marcion and the Cathars). If one sees the attribute of organizor of the cosmos as inherent in the concept of God, then the title “The God of this Aeon”, becomes a powerful indicator that Satan is indeed the creator. Modern-day Cathars see the epithet κοσμοκράτορας (Kosmokrator) (Koine Greek kosmokratoras (lit. "world ruler", κόσμο cosmos + κράτορας ("kratia"), which is applied to Satan in Ephesians 6:12, as a possible further indication of the creatorship of Satan and his identity with the Demiurge.

This usage would, according to some, vilify the logos^[12] as it was used by Heraclitus, meaning the ruling or guiding principle of the universe.

Some people think St. Paul's passage was referring to men of power falling under the influence of evil as in the world-rulers (since the word Kosmokrators in Ephesians is plural meaning many rulers not one ruler) of the darkness of the age this then meaning many evil rulers not just one. The Gnostics held there were several archons under the supreme archon of the cosmos, the Demiurge.

Clear as mud on a foggy day

I don't know that I'm exactly an atheist at this point but I do know that if the church god exists than it is not a just god because a just god would not allow the kind of suffering that goes on in the world. I do believe that there is something of the personality that survives the death of the body, the reiki energy survives. I don't really know what existence on the "other side" is like. I do know that those who have communicated with me are earthbound spirits and for them existence is somewhat free floating. They find something to attach to because they aren't ready to be dead. If I were to die now I would be one of them because so much is unresolved.
I don't like being in a church and praying. I like being in nature looking at trees or flowers and meditating. This is why Buddhism appeals to me more than the Catholic religion that I grew up with. I went through a period of dabbling in the "left hand path" and got the fuck scared out of me, so I stopped messing with those energies. I do appeal to the Pagan deities at times. They seem much more approachable than the Christian god. But I don't know if they really give a flip about me or mine either. Right now I don't have much to say about gods. I feel pretty adrift and pretty abandoned by the higher energies of the Universe.
I have a bunch of health problems, one of them seeming to be related to my heart. I have to sleep with my head elevated to keep my heart from palpitating. I have elevated blood pressure that is usually in the pre-hypertension range but sometimes ranges into hypertension. I know I need to lose a bunch of weight but am afraid to start exercising strenuously until the actual cause of these heart palpitations has been pinpointed. I realize I have mental illnesses, including anxiety disorder. I'm not addressing any of that right now. I'm only addressing the fact that I'm enduring quite a bit of doubt in life, the universe and everything, or at least in any kind of kindness from the higher forces. At this point they seem pretty distant and impersonal. Maybe they've just had enough of our bullshit. I know that's how I'd feel. It would be something like this: "Screw you fuckers, I'm going home. I've had enough of you calling me whenever you need something but acting like I don't exist and you did it all yourself after I help you."
The fact is, a benevolent god wouldn't do that. A benevolent god would be more like someone feeding their pet fish. The fish doesn't acknowledge who you are exactly, but it's grateful for the food. You like the fish even though the fish doesn't know exactly what you are and it doesn't thank you by name. A benevolent deity would treat its creations with love whether or not they acknowledged its existence. There wouldn't be this ego trip going on with threats of fire and brimstone. I can't buy into that belief system any more.
Right now I'm not exactly sure what it is I'm buying. I think I'm kind of waiting and seeing. What I do know is that right now the world kinda seems to suck for everybody. Maybe we have to fight to get out of the suckage.
Maybe the materialists are right and nothing exists beyond this life. But for me that's a pretty shitty and depressing belief and it only leads to misery, so I'm not going to allow it to take over any more than I'm going to buy into the dogma of the fire and brimstone lot.
In the immortal words of Chuck D, I've gotta do what I've gotta do so who the hell is you to tell me that my song is wrong.
I can only go with what I know. Which sometimes is not a whole hell of a lot. So I guess I'll just fly by the seat of my pants like always and see what happens.

Men are from Mars, Women are from Venus, I am from Neptune...What does that make Me???

You Are From Neptune

You are dreamy and mystical, with a natural psychic ability. You love music, poetry, dance, and (most of all) the open sea. Your soul is filled with possibilities, and your heart overflows with compassion. You can be in a room full of friendly people and feel all alone. If you don't get carried away with one idea, your spiritual nature will see you through anything.

What Planet Are You From?

It does ring true!

Take Me To Thailand

You Should Travel to Thailand

You may enjoy getting spiritual at a Buddhist retreat... Or just feasting on a ton of cheap and amazing Thai food.

What Asian Country Should You Visit?

I would enjoy both!

My son went to Thailand last year with his school and I am soooooo jealous!!!!

Of everything except the bug bites that were all over his arms.

Unfortunately, his school screwed him over this year. He had a bout of depression and confided in a teacher that he was feeling suicidal. The good part is he ended up getting counseling which has been great for him. The bad part is the school board decided he was too much of a "risk" to take on the trip to Mexico this year. He had been so looking forward to it. I have expressed my disgust to them more than once for taking away this opportunity from a young man who has always been a good student and never a discipline problem. Fuckers!

Maybe someday he can take me to Thailand and show me around. That would be a nice family activity, I think!

What Color I Need

You Need Some Black in Your Life

Black will make you feel powerful, in control, and not bound to what other people think of you. And with a little black, you will project a aura of mystery, rebellion, and dominance. If you want people to respect you, you've got to get a little black in your life! For extra punch: Combine black with orange or red The downside of black: People won't be able to "read" you - and may perceive you as more aggressive than you actually are The consequences of more black in your life: You'll become a figure of intrigue and speculation You'll be better prepared for life's unknown path You'll rest better and free yourself of expectations

What Color Do You Need?

This works--I like black.

I really don't give a flying damn if people perceive me to be more agressive than I am. Better than being stepped on.

My Aura

Your Aura is Violet

Idealistic and thoughtful, you have the mind and ideas to change the world. And you have the charisma of a great leader, even if you don't always use it! The purpose of your life: saying truths that other people dare not say Famous purples include: Mahatma Gandhi, Martin Luther King, Jr., Susan B. Anthony Careers for you to try: Political Activist, Inventor, Life Coach

What Color Is Your Aura?